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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

SILs miscarriage

10 replies

elelfrance · 08/02/2016 10:26

My lovely SIL had a miscarriage this weekend, her 3rd this year :-( I'm not in the same country as her, so can't go round and make her cuppa, so was thinking of having flowers sent to her... is that appropriate? or too festive?

OP posts:
RosieMapleLeaf · 08/02/2016 10:33

MIL sent me flowers when I had a miscarriage...I hated them (sorry). They were a visual reminder of it and they hung around the house for ages, I should have just binned them. Too polite!

To be fair, I hate flowers at the best of times so could be just me...

Quoteunquote · 08/02/2016 10:46

Send them a card tell them you love them, tell them your thoughts are with them, and tell them if they ever need to talk you will always be available.

People start to avoid you when you have repeated tragedy, because they find it hard to know what to say, make sure you keep up contact.

CaptainMorgansMistress · 08/02/2016 10:58

I hated flowers too, sorry.

My best friend sent me a big variety box of cadburys chocolates (from cadburys website I think) which was perfect (for her and I).

Another friend had a takeaway delivered to us for dinner one evening and my sister bought and sent me some lovely cosy flannel pjs (and a bottle of gin).

For me, nurturing presents made me feel very cared for even when those people were far away

Original poster
elelfrance · 08/02/2016 11:08

thanks everyone, might skip the flowers so, doesn't sound like a great idea... will just stay in touch, keep sending messages and hoping they're ok... its just so unfair, they will be brilliant parents, but they're having a hard time getting there Sad

OP posts:
charlotte1990 · 08/02/2016 19:15

Yer sorry my mother in law got me flowers it's a lovely thought but was glad when they started dying as they just kept reminding me x

CwtchMeQuick · 08/02/2016 19:24

When I had a miscarriage a friend turned up with chocolates, wine and a bouquet of roses. I loved them all and was very grateful, but obviously from the PP it's a very individual thing.
The thing that I mostly valued though, was just someone there that I could talk to when I needed to vent. Just someone who could go 'this is really shitty but I'm here'. That meant more to me than all the flowers in the world.

What2 · 08/02/2016 19:29

Some friends sent me a simple bunch of white flowers - I really appreciated them.

I liked that they were white and simple.

Primaryteach87 · 08/02/2016 20:12

I didn't like flowers (the alive then dying seemed a cruel metaphor but I was probably in an introspective mood). Do, do send her something though. A parcel through the post is really lovely and makes you feel it's not just you that is grieving.

chelle792 · 08/02/2016 20:14

My pil's sent flowers when we lost our baby. I was really touched

PagesOfABook · 08/02/2016 21:29

I wouldn't send flowers but it's lovely that you're trying to help her feel better.

I think the best thing is just to call her and let her talk about it if that's what she wants to do. And don't try to cheer her up - if she feels it's unfair then agree with her that it is unfair. And if she feels depressed then let her be depressed and let her explain why she feels sad.

I wouldn't want flowers but after my miscarriages I always remember the people who were kind enough to let me be upset and to talk about it.

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