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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

wave of light - anyone doing this on Thursday?

76 replies

Trooperslane · 13/10/2015 17:24

Can't link on phone, but the idea is that anyone across the world who has lost a baby lights a candle at 7pm on Thursday to remember their losses.

Anyone else doing it? I am assuming I will be drinking wine and be a snotty mess whilst dh is out - due date for DC who we lost in April would have been Friday.

I'm not big on public grief but it makes me so angry that this is such a forbidden/taboo topic.

If been much more open this time because keeping it in the other million times nearly killed me.

I'm also Irish and we believe lighting a cancel helps most stuff - I'm in no way religious but it helps me reflect.

Anyone joining me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trooperslane · 13/10/2015 18:05

Mini bump?

OP posts:
eastegg · 13/10/2015 18:44

Hi troopers, so sorry about your loss, it must be very difficult coming up to the due date.

We lost our baby at 16 weeks in August. I'll light a candle at home I think. In fact thinking about it now I might see if I can go to the hospital chapel and maybe do it there, although that won't be at 7pm. I haven't been there yet. We can think of each other! I'm sure there'll be others joining us on here soon.

Original poster
Trooperslane · 13/10/2015 19:38

Cheers East.

I so wish no one else needed to, but I'm glad of the company.

Big hugs and take care Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Trooperslane · 13/10/2015 19:39

Oh God. Just re read

August? You must still be so raw.

I'm so, so sorry x

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 13/10/2015 19:47

I've been thinking about it. I might not (just in practicalities it's dd1s bedtime) but I will spend some time thinking and pondering the what ifs.

Saying that there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about dd2 in some way or another.

We lost her at 22 weeks in jan. This time last year I was pregnant, worried about having another and blissfully unaware of how ill she was (she was diagnosed with trisomy 18 and we decided on a tfmr)

I'm big on talking about her and our loss, even our termination (which seems even more taboo than pregnancy loss and mc atm!) to anyone and everyone. Most of the time I can do it without becoming a blubbering wreak too :)

Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 02:36

I've read some of your posts Kitty.

You helped me enormously when I was going through hell.

I hope you're doing ok X

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 14/10/2015 07:55

Troopers you've made me all teary! I'm glad I helped, I've had such amazing support from MN, it's good to know I can pay it on.

crumblybiscuits · 14/10/2015 07:59

I am going to a service in Gloucester for it. I lost DD2 at 16 weeks in May and it is her due date on the 15th. Weird timing. Flowers Will be thinking of your baby.

AndDeepBreath · 14/10/2015 16:38

Yes definitely.

Been feeling so raw today, started counselling to try and find some coping mechanisms and instead ended up crying for an hour Sad

Thanks to all

Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 17:51

Ah kitty you have no idea.

You've posted on so many threads and made me think "I can do this, I can get through this". Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 17:53

Crumbly Thanksto you too.

We might have been on the ante natal boards together.

What a total shitter year we've all had.

X

OP posts:
Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 17:54

And deep

Your user name is very apt, I think.

Hope the counselling is helping. I'm waiting for another referral. Counsellor kept telling me I was stressed.

I'm not stressed until I come to see you I'm fucking grieving because another of my babies died, you muppet! (Sorry).

OP posts:
Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 17:56

Big hand holding and lots of tears is actually ok people.

Can we have a big virtual hug tomorrow pm? X

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crumblybiscuits · 14/10/2015 18:30

I have my 12 week scan the day after tomorrow too - talk about timing, eh? I'm praying this will be the pick up for this year or I don't know how I'll cope. Keep thinking history will repeat itself. Will be thinking of all your babies tomorrow as I light my candles at the service. Lots of virtual hugs and hand holding you strong, lovely ladies x

Picklestheflamingo · 14/10/2015 18:40

We had a mc earlier this year at 9 weeks. I'm working tomorrow evening but i'll be doing this when i'm home (think the idea is everyone does it at 7pm in their time zones so it's a continuous 24hour light). I'm not coping brilliantly so my heart goes out to everyone else who has sadly gone through the same Sad

Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 19:31

Pickles Thanks X

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Frecklefire · 14/10/2015 19:36

I think most of us on the recurrent miscarriage thread will be lighting up tomorrow. I'll be lighting three candles. I do not believe in perpetuating the taboo, baby loss, like all grief, must be acknowledged by society.

3littlebadgers · 14/10/2015 19:42

Flowers to all of you amazing mums who are lighting a candle instead of holding your child. I'll be lighting one for my little angel stillborn 40+5 in March this year and another for all of the other precious babies that should be with us and aren't.

whohasnickedmyvodka · 14/10/2015 19:44

I will be lighting my candle tomorrow I went to our baby loss service on Sunday and was given a lovely one I lost my dd eve a year this weekend at 18+3 she had severe hydrops I'm currently a hormonal mess with an another amazing dd Celeste due by c section on the 17th December xxx

Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 19:52

For all of us BrewWineThanksStar

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KittyandTeal · 14/10/2015 20:08

Flowers for everyone one suffering the worst thing ever.

Deep breath - I think I cried continually for weeks and weeks when I started counselling. It took a good long time, for a while it was the only place if let myself cry (I thought I was being strong)

It's been a long hard road but, as awful as it might sound, I've actually come out of my counselling in a better place than I've ever been in. I know how to look after my self now.

When I lost dd2 I was desperate for her to make a mark on the world. For as long as I can remember I have had problems with anxiety, depression, food and eating etc. I have hated myself for as long as I can remember.

My dd2 hasn't made her impact in the way I thought. I left counselling a month ago and I can honestly say I love myself. That's the impact my dd2 has made on this world. I am a happier and better person because of her!

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble. My original point is that counselling is really tough but in my experience it can change your life.

Original poster
Trooperslane · 14/10/2015 20:10

No words Kitty xxxxxx

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 14/10/2015 20:20

Thanks x

AndDeepBreath · 14/10/2015 21:01

Thanks Kitty

Thank you for the advice and kindness. I've only just stopped crying again tonight. Not sure if/when I can face it again but perhaps it's better then squashing it away, will give it some thinking time.

Unmumsnetty hugs all around. x

gluenotsoup · 14/10/2015 21:17

Yes , I will be lighting my candle too. I have lost 3 babies, 2 in 2014. I also have 3 children, dd1 almost died at birth, dd 2 has a rare genetic condition meaning she fights just to be alive, and dd 3 is just 12 weeks old, and here due to medical interventions to stop me from losing her. So , I will light my candle with both sadness and remembrance but also with quiet gratitude.

Love to all those who know what it is to lose part of yourself x