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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Working through miscarriage?

18 replies

ranchgirl · 12/10/2015 16:56

This is probably a naïve & ridiculous question but after IVF resulting in twins I'm expecting to miscarry both of them after losing them at 6 weeks. I've had so much time off already with hospital appointments I'm worried about taking more.

I know it all depends on the severity of the bleed but has anyone worked through a miscarriage?

Am I being totally naïve? If I can give them some notice it would help. They are aware of situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

ranchgirl · 12/10/2015 17:05

Forgot to say I'm a teacher, if it makes any difference.

OP posts:

ServingSuggestion · 12/10/2015 21:18

So sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking.

You really won't want to be working through a MC. Take time off to heal physically and mentally. There is an excellent thread on this board about coping with the practicalities of mc. I'll bump it for you.

CatnipMouse · 13/10/2015 06:34

Hello again ranchgirl. I don't think you can, sorry that's not the news you want. You could probably manage with a couple of days if you are lucky though. But no way to tell how you will feel afterwards, you might bounce back, you might not. Have you decided whether to go to hospital for it?

Sorry you have so much shit to deal with.
Xx

Lucidlady · 13/10/2015 06:43

I'm so sorry to hear this.

With my MC there was no way I could have worked. I was in a lot of pain and basically trapped in the bathroom for a few hours. And I couldn't stop crying.

Please don't worry about taking time off. You need the time to heal. If you try to block it out and act as if nothing has happened you will likely struggle emotionally further down the line. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need.

VashtaNerada · 13/10/2015 06:47

I did but in retrospect it was a stupid idea! I think I was in denial about what was happening. Really sorry you're going through this, be kind to yourself

Slugonthewindow · 13/10/2015 06:51

It so depends - physically for me the worst was over fairly quickly but mentally you need enormous strength to carry on at work. As a teacher you are effectively under scrutiny 9am-4pm as the kids take you in, you need your mask on!

I took a week I think with first, second was holiday and third was a general anaesthetic but even then I was desperate to work so had it on Friday was back on the Monday and just took it slow as best I could. Different mentality with each one.

Give yourself time, once you go back - make sure you are ready. Don't rush.

I'm so sorry that this has happened, heartbreaking. Take care of yourself. I was management by the way and I would have expected not to see you at work for at least the week. I'd personally have covered your class if needs be but I'm soft like that, I know other schools aren't as generous.

Considerphebas · 13/10/2015 19:57

I would say don't. I mc at 12 weeks and teach in a special school, I had 2 full weeks off, tried to go back had days and only managed 2, then did a full week of mornings and then a week of afternoons. Its been 5 weeks now and I'm still struggling- I find teaching physically and mentally demanding and you can't have a few 'easy' days to adjust, as soon as I was in work I had to be ready to go at full speed again despite my colleagues best efforts!

Ilikesweetpeas · 13/10/2015 20:05

I agree that you will need to be off work to deal with both the physical and emotional effects. I wanted to say I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you have support from family, friends and work colleagues

toomuchtooold · 14/10/2015 10:25

So sorry for your loss.

Like Lucidlady, I was out of action for 3-4 hours (and it was very painful). That's the main miscarriage, I had pain and bleeding for a few days afterwards, but nothing I couldn't have worked through. The psychological impact is something else - I don't know, I actually found it easier actually to be in work, but I work at a computer so it was easy to just ignore everyone and get on with it.

The trouble with a natural miscarriage is you can't predict when it will be (and it can be very painful). Would you consider surgery? It means a day or two off work but it's over very quickly.

Elisabennet · 14/10/2015 18:02

Miscarriage itself was painfull but quick. I went to work straight after miscarriage, it was a mistake from a phisical point of view ( I got an infection ) but also emotionally. If you can, give yourself the time. Take care,

Floweroct2 · 14/10/2015 18:09

So sorry for your loss. I think everyone and every mc is different but it may well be tough working in a school. I've had three, the first one was a mmc and I had to have surgery, I worked for the week in between finding out and the surgery just as a way of keeping me occupied, the second one I was only 6 weeks and bled for about a week two days particularly heavy but no worse than a heavy period which actually occurred over a weekend so I didn't need to make a decision about work. My third one was at 10 weeks was much more painful for a few hours and no way I could have worked. There's no right or wrong way to behave so just do what feels best for you xx

Floweroct2 · 14/10/2015 18:11

Sorry I hope my use of the word only 6 weeks didn't come across wrongly - it was just as horrible mentally but just not as bad physically x

Original poster

ranchgirl · 14/10/2015 18:46

Thanks Slug, I'm SLG so I feel I'm under scrutiny more but the team are understanding (tbh if they're not I couldn't care less anyway, more about the kids losing out that concerns me). But I'm getting induced Friday so the worst might be over by Monday but I'm just going to see how it goes. If I can make it in for some lessons and not others I'll do that.

Toomuch - surgery is not an option as IVF clinic don't want to risk internal damage.

Thanks all, really appreciate it.

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Slugonthewindow · 15/10/2015 07:27

Come back for support x

TwllBach · 15/10/2015 07:30

Hi OP sorry to hear your news. FWIW, I've worked through all of mine, some as a teacher but only a PPA teacher so not with responsibilities like yours. I wish I hadn't had to.

Actually, I had a week off with one and returning to work still bleeding was pretty horrible as well.

Take care of yourself

Original poster

ranchgirl · 19/10/2015 15:16

Hi all. So glad I didn't go to work today, it's been the worst since the actual miscarriage. (Friday, horrendous, inducing drugs had awful, awful side effects - worst day or our lives without question).

Today I've had heavy bleeding, chronic back ache & cramps. I thought I might go back tomorrow but no chance of that. Still random hysterical sobbing too. Maybe Wednesday. Maybe...

OP posts:

CatnipMouse · 20/10/2015 10:41

So sorry ranchgirl. How are you today?

Original poster

ranchgirl · 20/10/2015 13:42

Hi Catnip. Better day today thanks. Bad back pain early this morning but it's eased. Been out of house to local shop to check the real world still exists. It does.

Going to try my hand at working for a living tomorrow. Only 3 days til half term so small steps before DH & I have a mini break.

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