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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Remembering a lost baby

18 replies

Celen · 01/09/2015 15:05

Today I sadly found out that I miscarried my baby at 11 weeks. This is my second miscarriage (first was at 5 weeks) in 9 months. This isn't an attention-seeking post though, nor am I after sympathy.

What I would like is some ideas on how to remember my lost little one? Any thoughts on how you've remembered a lost baby? I don't want to create a shrine or anything like that, but it would be nice to have something to look at (in whatever form) to show that I did have a baby but I didn't get to welcome it into the world.

Thank you x

OP posts:

3littlebadgers · 01/09/2015 15:17

I'm so sorry for your loss. Esty does some lovely baby loss 'gifts' you should find something there to suit your tastes. I have a lovely bag charm, a circle with a tiny heart shape cut out of it. The heart shape is then attached but free to move, it has little angel wings and the circle has 'a part of my heart has wings' printed on it. Thinking of you and wishing you peace

TheBubGrower · 01/09/2015 20:51

So sorry to hear about your loss Celen. I had a MMC in March and my OH and I chose a garden ornament together that we hang from our shed. It was quite symbolic when we hung it up, sort of like saying goodbye, and is a nice way of commemorating our lost baby. Take care of yourself at this difficult time x

SpanielPlusToddler · 01/09/2015 21:20

So sorry to hear about your loss. We planted a tree in our garden on what would've been our baby's due date. Now the tree flowers every year at that time. We also planted forget-me-not flowers around the tree.

purplewhale · 01/09/2015 21:23

We planted a nice shrub in the front garden.

There is a forget me not garden on the miscarriage association website where you can post a message.

I found both of these things helpful. You never forget but you can move forward. Luckily this pregnancy was successful and I'm now 37 weeks

I'm sorry for your loss, and hope it's not too traumatic for you

WhatWouldFlopDo · 01/09/2015 21:25

Sorry about your babies Celen. I got a tattoo, just a little one, of birds flying. One bird for each baby.

LyndaNotLinda · 01/09/2015 21:29

I'm so sorry for your losses

I planted a tree. It's a crab apple tree which flowers beautifully at the time I found out I had a mmc and then has gorgeous fruits which ripen around the time of my EDD.

I moved and didn't take the tree with me but I know it's still there and it's still beautiful :)

Original poster

Celen · 02/09/2015 07:28

Thank you ladies for sharing all your ideas & I'm so sorry for all the losses you have shared. I love all of these! Especially the garden-related ones as I'm quite passionate about my gardening, I find it therapeutic in general.

Thanks again, appreciate all and every input

OP posts:

ThomasRichard · 02/09/2015 07:32

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

A friend had several miscarriages and has a beautiful Christmas tree decoration for each one that she hangs in the upper branches of her tree each year.

KittyandTeal · 02/09/2015 16:49

I know lost of people plant trees or plants to remember a lost baby.

We lost our dd2 at 22 weeks. Because we were so far along we were 'lucky' enough to have a service and have her cremated and we get ashes back to scatter. She also has a plaque in th baby garden at our crematorium.

A home my auntie bought us an azalea that flowers around her due date. We also planted a rose for her.

We also collect those glass balls that hang around the house. I found a clear one with an opening and we have that with a dried flower in it (she has a flower name)

sizethree · 02/09/2015 17:35

I'm so sorry for your losses.
I don't have my own garden, so am unable to do the lovely tree planting. But on the due dates on my three lost babies, I've bought a beautiful white rose from a local florist, and my husband and I go down to our local river which flows to the sea and we placed the rose in the stream and watched it get carried out to sea. It was so peaceful and poignant and we thought a lovely way to say goodbye.
When we manage to complete our family, I plan on getting these beautiful interlocking rings from a jewellery designer called Heather Woof, as a memory to wear every day.

chelle792 · 06/09/2015 18:57

Hope you're doing ok x I've just lost a baby at nearly 11 weeks.

My OH bought me a ring with the stone that would have been her birth stone. I've bought him a keyring from etsy. Search on etsy for miscarriage jewellery or baby loss. They have some nice things on there.

wonkylegs · 07/09/2015 13:05

I'm sorry for your loss. We planted a tree in our garden. We chose the type of tree due to the name we'd been discussing when we found out we'd lost our baby. We have been nurturing it and our DS is very protective of our baby tree. It was the right thing for us to remember with and it felt like something positive from all the negative stuff.

Considerphebas · 08/09/2015 15:54

I had missed miscarriage last week and have started medical management. The first thing I did was go out and buy baby a little rainbow horse cuddly toy - I don't know why I just really wanted them to have something. I've been sleeping with it and it weirdly does make me feel better!
I'm also going to probably get a piece of jewellery later and maybe a nice tree, but for now stroking stripey horse seems enough!

wonkylegs · 08/09/2015 17:22

Considerphebas - I got out my childhood soft toy for comfort when going through mine so I completely understand that.

GoulashSoup · 08/09/2015 17:40

Calen, sorry for your losses, it is a horribly sad thing to happen. I lost one in June and I am still struggling to move on. I want to do something to remember but haven't worked out what feels right. I just feel overwhelmed thinking about it. DH has suggested planting some snowdrops that will flower around due date. I am scared of having a specific plant or tree incase it dies or we move, but I think I will always remember when I see snowdrops now. I'm not really a tatoo person but have thought about having some little birds (tiny), one sat on my cesarean scar for DS and one flying away for MC. One day I hope to add a second one sat next to DS. Not sure yet though. I hope you find something that feels right for you.

babyangelbean20315 · 09/09/2015 08:10

my friend bought me a rose bush
i find that it does help..i love seeing new roses appear on it it makes me smile and feel some kind of connection. - sounds weird because its a plant but its what it represents to me and my partner. we take care of it when we need to and it is nice to be able to go outside n just look at it.

i can imagine this wouldnt work for everyone
my HR boss said he has a photo him & his wife bought for what would have been the babys room - they kept it, put baby scans in the back of it & now they know its there and can see it all the time.

i really was doubting how having a rose would help, but i do find having something helps, even if you dont know exactly what to get, get something, a rosebush, a tree, a bench, a photo, anything that you know what it means to you

im so sorry for your losses and i hope you get what you want eventually, its so hard to cope with one let alone 2 so i cant imagine how you must feel xx hugs your way xxx

TailorMouse · 09/09/2015 08:24

Not entirely planned this way but we got a kitten the day after we found out i'd mc.
He has been the most incredible remedy - a distraction from the pain and a positive channel for all the love we had for baby.
We were getting him anyway but with the timing and his nature it is the best way to remember without feeling the sadness for us.

weegiemum · 09/09/2015 08:35

I've had 3 m/c. I have 3 living dc as well, youngest is 11.

My dad has planted an orchard in his large garden, a fruit tree for every grandchild. We have planted snowdrops in amongst the trees to remember our babies.

It was all long ago (last mc was in early 2001) and I don't even remember, far less commemorate dates/due dates etc. but I do like to see the brave snowdrops blooming in my Dad's orchard, against the odds it seems.

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