Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

1 2 3 4 5

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Edwards syndrome

121 replies

KittyandTeal · 19/01/2015 20:03

We found out today, after an agonising 5 days, that our baby girl has Edwards syndrome.

I am 22 weeks and booked in the the termination injection at kings tmrw morning. My local hospital will induce me on thurs.

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this. Maybe to acknowledge it a bit more. We have wonderful support in friends and family and a beautiful 2yo dd.

It just feel so unfair. Tmrw I have to say goodbye to my baby. Can't get my head around it.

OP posts:

Report

NorksAreMessy · 22/01/2015 21:20

My love to you and to little Rose

Noggie · 22/01/2015 21:34

I am so so sorry for your loss x

BigSpottyCupofTea · 22/01/2015 21:41

Sending you strength and love. I have been in the same situation as you (TFMR at 22 weeks). Enjoy your time with your beautiful Rose and be kind to yourself in the weeks to come. Oh, yes, and I'd also really strongly recommend ARC - I've cried down the phone at the lovely, supportive women there on more than one occasion x

Sleepyfergus · 22/01/2015 22:43

Rose is a beautiful name. God bless her.

Take care x

KittyandTeal · 23/01/2015 08:03

Thank you all.

The hospital have done a beautiful box for us with photos and prints etc. they've also dressed her in lovely soft knitted tunic with a beautiful blanket. She's in a tiny wicker Moses basket with some teddies.

I woke up this morning and it all hit me in one wave. I'm glad I was expecting it

OP posts:

Annietheacrobat · 23/01/2015 08:06

Rose is an absolutely beautiful name. May she rest in peace.

I am so glad to hear that you have been well looked after in the hospital.

Be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Xx

Pancakeflipper · 23/01/2015 13:56

Rose, what a gorgeous name. Lots of thoughts and hugs with your lovely family.

KittyandTeal · 24/01/2015 11:33

Well leaving her at the hospital was the most horrid thing I have ever had to go through.

It was actually like leaving a bit of me behind, with every step out of there every part of me was screaming to go back and get her. I feel like there is a bit of me missing. I always thought it was a slightly cheesy metaphor when people used it previously but it is actually like there's a hole somewhere.

I completely broke down yesterday, spent the day in bed with her box until my DM dropped dd home.

Since dd came home I'm slowly coming back to real life. She's really helped just pottering around and chatting to herself, giving me cuddles etc.

I managed to sleep a bit last night, drifted off dreaming of cuddles with my 2 children. Today feels a bit brighter.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 24/01/2015 11:41

I am glad you feel a bit brighter today Kitty. It will be very up and down but things will return to a new normal. I had a funeral for my first ds, are you planning to do this for Rose? I know this is a very personal choice.

KittyandTeal · 24/01/2015 11:44

Yes the hospital Chaplin is arranging it for us. She will be cremated and if there are any ashes they'll be scattered in the local baby garden. I think we may have a plaque put up to, we're not sure yet.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 24/01/2015 11:47

I found it a great comfort in later months. I have the order of service and the music we had played, also a baptism candle for ds that we light every year on his birthday.

I do hope you manage a peaceful day and some sleep tonight XX

KittyandTeal · 24/01/2015 11:50

Yeah I think in a few days we need to sit down and have a proper think about what we want so we can let the Chaplin know,

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 24/01/2015 11:54

no rush though, you can take you time.

Messygirl · 24/01/2015 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyandTeal · 25/01/2015 16:52

So my pil have visited today.

They are very much of the 'don't worry, one day you'll forget about it all' type which I've found really hard to deal with.

They weren't interested in Roses box at all except to say it might be a good way to explain things to our eldest dd one day, if we decide to tell her.

I've been a bit poorly today as well as it being one of those up and down days so this has pretty much finished me off!

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 25/01/2015 16:56

How awful that they are so dismissive
Some people really really don't know how to deal with sadness and grief, do they?

Hope you manage some sleep tonight and a more peaceful day tomorrow.

Pancakeflipper · 25/01/2015 17:09

Poor old you. They will be grieving but in a different way. Just not what you need to deal with now. But I guess what brings you comfort of Rose' s box may be too hard for them to face at the moment.

Hope you get some rest tonight to help you get through tomorrow.

KittyandTeal · 25/01/2015 17:22

You are probably right pancakflipper. I'm just finding it very hard to deal with. It's making me quite angry atm

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/01/2015 20:20

It must be so hard to cope with your PIL's comments but I think pancake is wise to say they will be experiencing their grief differently. Also they are a different, older generation where the loss of a baby at birth was not approached as sensitively as these days. I'm thinking now of the recent Call the Midwife programme where a baby was still-born. Perhaps one day you might watch it, in time ?
It is good at least that understanding has moved on a little from then. Your chaplain sounds nice? I'm sorry if I'm rambling, it's so hard to know what to say that might help a little. Thinking of you all
How are things today? Sounds like dd1 is helping with her pottering about and hugs x

KittyandTeal · 29/01/2015 12:57

Yeah I know you're all right but it still feels very dismissive.

It's been a week since Rose was born. I'm having a funny day, I'm less upset than I feel I should be, dd1 has kept us busy.

Life is slowly getting back to a new kind of normal. I feel guilty carrying on like nothing's happened.

To be honest I just feel odd most of the time, like something is missing from me but not always sad. I just can't explain it really.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 29/01/2015 13:00

Have been thinking of you all Kitty.

I remember that feeling of guilt when I started to feel better. But it IS ok to feel better!

KittyandTeal · 29/01/2015 14:33

Thanks.

I think I'm starting to get and get now. I keep thinking things like 'I should still be pregnant' I'm thinking of all the plans we had for when she arrived. I feel guilt because I was so nervous about having 2.

I keep reading thread titles and pregnancy threads about worried mums to be who don't have symptoms and have scans they're nervous about and I just feel sad and angry, that was me a few weeks/months ago. It's not fair. I'm not saying those women shouldn't feel like that, I guess it's jealousy that they have what's been taken from me.

I think I'm slowing facing the fact that life will never be the same for me, for us, and there's nothing I could have done or can do to change that.

Apart from anything it's just not fucking fair. No one should ever have to deal with the loss of a child. I know I'm far from the only one suffering but I'm starting to feel bitter at the world now.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 29/01/2015 16:33

No it isn't fair. It is the most unfair thing in the world.
I wish I had some better words

KittyandTeal · 29/01/2015 19:31

Thanks, just replying makes me feel better tbh.

There isn't really anything to say, you're right, it is just unfair.

We had our first 'visitors' today, some friends who brought their dd over to play with dd1. It was actually nice to have a good chat and watch the girls play together. It's cheered me up a little bit.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 29/01/2015 21:07

Glad your visitors helped. I hope you have a peaceful night - are you managing to sleep? I know that I found sleep very elusive at first.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.