My friend's DD was due now. What should I say in a message to her?

[DeckTheHallsWithBartimaeus]

Firstly, I'm sorry for all of your losses.

My friend should have given birth to her DD in January 2014. Unfortunately at the second scan they found her DD had a condition "incompatible with life" and under medical advice, they aborted.

I'd like to send a little message to my friend, with the baby's name, saying I'm thinking of her, her DH and her DD, but I'm not sure what to say.

I don't want to say the baby is with God or the baby's grandmother (who passed recently), as none of us believe.

I can't say the baby was born sleeping as she lived for 30 minutes.

If i just say "we're thinking of you" I'm worried it's a bit short.

The message will either be an email or a card as we don't live in the same country.

Thanks

What a lovely friend you sound. I have never been through your friend's loss, but have lost people close to me and the fact that someone remembers important dates and lets me know they are thinking of me is what's important, not the amount they write. So I would get a beautiful card (which probably needs fewer words than an email) and just say you are thinking of them all, naming their DD, and say that you are sending them your love. As I say I have not suffered that sort of loss so i hope that anyone who has is not offended by what i have suggested.

I've had 3 losses and my first due date is next Tuesday and I'm dreading it and I know it will only matter to me and DP. The whole world carries on.

Therefore the fact you gave remembered is worth more than any words. Just a card, saying you are thinking of them and that you are sending your love honestly will be enough.

I would be incredibly touched that you remembered so it's a lovely gesture.

I'm so sorry Brummiegirl.

I've just posted the card this morning. It's a bit clumsy as I started off in French (my friend is French) then changed to English (my native language and she speaks fluently) because it was even harder to express myself in French!

Still I hope the thought and the message gets through.

It's difficult because at first she was very much "look to the future, don't dwell on the past" so I felt a bit odd the first time I sent her a message in January 2014 (at that time I didn't even know the baby's name) but I saw her a few months ago (thankfully pregnant again) and she was much more open about her experience. She seemed to want to talk to me about it so I took that as a sign that I could acknowledge once again their loss.