Still waiting

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Found out baby is measuring 3 weeks behind on Thursday. Should have been 9 weeks. Waiting to miscarry. This is torture.

It's ok to cry. However you feel is ok. I still feel slight disbelief that this has happened. Thought I would be pregnant for Christmas and for my 30th in January. Trying to change that thinking is hard and sad but I'll get there.

omg guy its like u r me. its my 30th in december and i am now dreading it as i had come to terms with being pregnant then. i also kept thinking to when the baby was older and asked how i celebrated i would be so proud to say well i was pregnant with you.

youre right though in what you say and that has instantly made me feel better. it certainly is a rollercoaster. am so glad of this thread. i will cry when dp goes to work tomo if i need to i really am trying not to wallow.

like you say all just be something horrible that happened to us sometime soon. thanks for sending a bit of strength my way

I will be here tomorrow.

thank you guy. hope you are bareing up. i am feeling better this morning so far.

dp wants to go to edinburgh thursday for 2 nights i now av to decide whether its worth the risk. flipping body, thought would have let go by now.

Can you decide last minute? I mean if you are in a nice hotel with a hit water bottle, pads and painkillers etc then it would be ok. And maybe make sure you know where hospital is in case it for overwhelming. I live Edinburgh. Where do you live? Think I would feel a bit worried about the journey if it's long.

Have you planned anything nice to do when this is all over? Something to look forward to? Think dh and i might have a weekend away without dd. And I'm planning to get a new bike too- was going to get a new racer and then didn't because of being pregnant.

Having what seems like a light period now. Fairly light but very red so I guess that's a sign things might get moving soon. No gush yet though.

Maybe the fact that you're body won't let go means your body will be really good at pregnancy? This one wouldn't have worked out because the cells didn't divide properly or whatever, but as your body worked so hard to protect and nurture it, imagine how well it will do with one which develops right.

guy you are truly amazing. maybe there is some right things to say. that is a thought worth holding onto thank you.

we live about a 3 and half hour drive away, in the north east. we love edinburgh especially at christmas time. that was our plan for something nice after its all over. i was also hoping to get an amazing christmas decoration as a kind of keep sake in memory of what might have been but i dont know whether that is the right thing for me or not tbh im in two minds.

a weekend away sounds just lovely, anywhere you fancy? you should get looking give yourself a distraction. the bike is a must have too i think you definitely deserve a treat.

oh that does sound like things are moving a little bit. i hope so. be nice to have it over with before any intervention. hope youre ok.

Gingerbreadmam I suppose I should have guessed from your name that you were in the NE too!
Hope you are doing ok today & everyone else.

It's totally up to you if you want to get something in memory. I guess my personal view for me it that it isn't something which might have been- it would never have been- it never would have developed into a baby. I guess that's just my way of comforting myself and feeling like it isn't as much a loss (like we haven't lost a baby because it never would have been a baby). Sorry if that's insensitive. I know not everyone would feel that way or take comfort from thoughts like that.

I've also been debating the memory/keepsake thing. For me I feel like I need to acknowledge that this was a real thing that happened. I am quite sad I didn't get a picture when I went for my 6w scan and all was well (they didn't offer). I found the pg test I'd kept which made me cry but it's not exactly the nicest thing to have as a momento.

I have a necklace with a little charm and DS's handprint which DH got me and I always wear. I had been thinking of getting a tiny star or bead to add to it that only I would know what it meant. But I am not sure if that is too much. Like Guy says it was never going to be. I don't know.

I am glad things seem to have progressed a bit for you Guy. It is obviously hard for anyone to know how it will go but do make sure you have some proper mattress type maternity pads and if you start getting any severe cramping or passing clots, you might want to pop one in. I was using the slimmer maternity pads which was fine at first but when it all happened I went straight through the pad, knickers etc. My friend had a mc at 6w and hers was just like a long and heavy period but mine was more like actual labour so I just want you to be prepared as it could go either way.

By the way I hope you don't mind me 'hanging around' on this thread when I know my situation is different to yours but I feel like I can talk to you a bit as you know my situation and we were all at the same stage.

The necklace idea sounds really nice MrsJ.

yeah like i say 2 minds about a keepsake as i probably dont need to be reminded about how i feel just now. just with it being my first pregnancy it felt significant.

im so glad now i fell by accident as if id have waited a few years and this had happened first time i would probably be panicking. least now i know to try ha.

had a bad start to the day but been out keeping busy and now doesnt seem so bad.

hope you are all ok today. the necklace charm does sound a lovely idea.

ha you can probs tell by the way i write things im from north east!

How are you today ladies?

same how are you? any change?

been having some light blood like very beginning of a period yesterday and today but not constantly.

going to go to edinburgh tomo i think, my mam said it doesnt matter where it happens and shes right. as long as i can get back to a private loo ill be ok i think?!

It finally happened for me this evening. Cramps all day and then it just... all happened. I could tell it was coming as it was a lot like labour starting for a couple of hours. It was painful and gruelling but relatively quick. Very relieved. Just bleeding like a heavy period now. Having a scan tomorrow to check how everything looks but I think it's all gone. Fingers crossed. Physically I feel ok but I guess there are hormones and adrenalin and I think it still hasn't hit me emotionally.
What I would say is I am very glad I was in my own home with hot water bottle and painkillers and dh was home.
How are you feeling about everything? Are you still considering medical management at some point? I hope you're doing ok. Big hugs.

I think you will be ok in Edinburgh though- as long as you have a comfortable bathroom and privacy and big pads. Take a hot water bottle too. Hope you have a lovely time.

how kind of you to send me such well wishes when you have been through all of that today! i am so sorry you have gone through this mc but glad that you seem to have managed it well.

do you think you may just be relieved as it has been a long time coming? that is how i expect i will feel. although i dont doubt for a second emotions will get the better of me for a long time to come.

i am getting second thoughts now and debating ringing and cancelling. not had labour so dont know how bad cramps will be. i used to have horrendous period pains and imagined cnt be much worse but i am very naive. already stocked up on codeine with ibuprofen so was hoping that would see me through the worst.

i really hope youre ok and your dh is taking good care of you. sending big un mumsnetty hugs your way.

Oh wow Guy that sounds very like my experience on Saturday night. That is my worry for ginger - if you are away and it comes on it really is debilitating. Although it's so brutal and final, I am glad it has happened after all that waiting and I hope you will find the scan is clear and you won't need to have any medical/surgical management. Sending hugs and support to you, your body has gone through a shock so be kind to yourself.

If it helps to know what might be coming, I have had milder cramps today and passed what I hope is the last of the big clots. It has taken three episodes; the 2nd two followed the same labour-like pattern but were nothing like as painful as that initial one (more like period cramps with mild contractions) so if you have further cramps in the next few days Guy just make sure you have the loo nearby, painkillers and pads ready.

I haven't taken the co-dydramol I was given but have taken paracetamol and ibuprofen during the more painful times. I have felt quite light headed when passing clots etc so have avoided driving and made sure I'm not in any dangerous situations.

So sorry for your loss. xxx

Thanks chaps. I'll give you a bit more info and it may be tmi so feel free not to read it if you're not feeling like reading something descriptive.
For me the pain was very intense. I just had to breathe through it like labour. But then I found my labour very painful as well and plenty of people don't do it's difficult to generalise. It was shorter (a couple of hours rather than two days!) than labour and even as I experienced it, I felt glad that this meant it was nearly over.
I was surprised when I passed the sac. I had started to have clots coming like I sometimes would with a really heavy period in my teenage years. Some quite large ones. But this was big and solid and there was no mistaking it. I didn't look closely though. That was the last bit that cane out after the most intense contractions. As soon as it was out, the pain disappeared.
I hope this isn't too much information! I guess it wasn't how I expected it to be. It did remind me how bloody awful labour was though!
Keep updating us ginger. I'm thinking of you and hoping this passes as quickly and painlessly as possible for you so we can all move on together. Petiole have such different experience of this which shows that the body just finds its own way to deal with it. Remember how strong your body has been in trying so hard to nurture this tiny thing.

the more detail the better for me thank you for being brave enough to share. glad it was not too drawn out timewise however 2 hours probs felt like a lifetime when going through that.

i didnt expect that the sac would be hard im glad you told me that. im not planning on looking at anything.

i didnt realise the pains could be that bad they really make it sound a lot.less at the hospital, be better if they told the truth. did you take any painkillers?

how are you feeling now? im so glad its physically over for you.

also, can i just ask and i hope this isnt too difficult for you but you said that the pains lasted for about 2 hours, did you get lota of bloody almost immedately with the pains or would say a maternity pad suffice for say 15 -30mins? that is my main panic that it happens before i can get back to hotel.

sounds silly and i know people av mentioned somewhere comfortable, i have the smallest and coldest bathroom ever and i has actually worried me a bit being stuck there for hours on end. only lived here two months too so its not really comfort to me. hopefully hotel has posh spacious warm bathroom just incase.

For me the bleeding was manageable before and during the pains (like Guy about 2hrs worth), then after they had finished the gush of blood started and then the passing of clots and tissue.

With DS, I only had early labour pains and then had a CS so hadn't experienced the process before. It's not something I could have imagined but looking back it makes sense. The contractions were my body preparing for the opening of the cervix and then once it had finished, the feeling changed to a pressure and urge to bear down. At the time though it was terrifying as I had no idea if or how it would end.

My friend had a mc at 6w and just had the equivalent of a heavy period for ten days which is more what I had thought a mc would be. I had no idea it would happen like it did but I guess the length of pregnancy and just individual body response meant it happened like it did.

I had had bleeding all day but not really anything showing on the pad. Just like a normal period only when I went to the loo (I guess because the weeing action involves relaxing the pelvic floor muscle and pushing slightly). When the contractions got more intense I went to the loo to see what was going on. The bleeding had slightly increased but I sort of pushed gently and that's when things started happening. I wiped, then stood up with my pants and pad on to walk around (remembered the rocking and bouncing I did with labour). Every few minutes after some pain, I sat on the loo again and pushed a bit- very gently. That's how it happened really. Just going that really was everything. I feel like it was. I didn't have any heavy bleeding soaking pads until after it had passed then it was very heavy the first hour and has eased slightly. I'm wearing some very attractive tena pants now and I suspect dh may never want to have sex with me again.
It's so hard to predict though isn't it. I think you just have to make sure you feel prepared practically- painkillers, hot water bottle, comfy jammies, pads etc etc. Just keep an eye on the blood loss and if it's very heavy (my epu said soaking through a big maternity pad every hour) then get yourself to hospital. I did take coecodamol when it got so intense I felt like I couldn't cope. Bit like with labour, when it reached that intensity, it was very nearly over- so I would imagine the painkillers didn't even have time to kick in.
And don't be scared. Pain can feel scary and overwhelming but actually the uterus contracting like that is a clever uterus doing exactly what it's supposed to (I'll say that to you again one day when you're pregnant and preparing for labour).

my pregnancy stopped at 5wks however had it not i would be 12 wks tomorrow. not sure if tht means i would expect similar to 5 wk mc or 12 wk. spose cnt worry too much about what to expect as like u say different with everyone.

long as i could manage with a pad for upto 30mins i can be back in hotel and in same position there as i would be if u stayed home. thank you.

This may be very graphic but during the early pains I had very little blood actually flowing out of me, more that whenever I wiped it had sort of pooled just inside and would be released onto the paper. Also there were smaller clots early on.

I didn't need to be on the loo the whole time, just near one. In fact I needed to move around to deal with the pain - change position & do breathing exercises exactly as you would in labour. It was pretty clear when I needed to go back to the loo.

Your experience may be different though of course so it's hard to say exactly how it will be. The hotel sounds like it could be a good place to be but maybe pack a couple of old towels in case so you don't have to worry about their sheets & soft furnishings.