Anyone else ever feel like they want to just crawl under a rock?

[impatientlywaiting14]

I Feel like I am sinking and just want to retreat away at the moment, from everyone and everything related to bumps and baby's and give my head and heart a rest. I am trying to be brave and keep a smile on and keep positive. But it feels like those that are aware of the loss I had are forgetting the pain I may be feeling and how hard it has been and those that are oblivious are, well, oblivious! I hate feeling like this I just want to feel normal again I DONT WANT to feel so much self pity. I just want to walk around with a (relatively) happy heart again not a heavy one.

Im really Sorry for the depressing post and Thank-you in advance for any responses XXXX

People can be very quick to forget what you've been through. Are there some friends you can be honest with and say actually I feel pretty crap about it all? Having to be 'fine' is pretty deeply ingrained into us, but you need to be real about how you feel. Take a break from Facebook and any baby-related events for a while, there are no prizes for putting a brave face on it. I don't know how long it's been since your loss, but if it's a while and you are struggling to move forward or feel positive about life then counselling is worth considering.

Sending you a big hug.

I'm going through mc now after 14 months ttc.

If one more person tells me that 'at least you know now that you can get pregnant' I'm going to scream and chew my hand off. Yes I know it's good that I got pregnant. Yes I know that in theory this means I can get pregnant again. But it doesn't change the fact that my baby died and I'd like to be sad about that if that's ok.

Can I join you under that rock please?

:(

:(

I feel like crawling under a rock most days OP.

Have you anyone you could speak to OP?

Hi again OP. Have you read this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2140814-emotions-after-miscarriage

It might help to know that what you are feeling is normal and that others are feeling similar emotions

Thank-you for all the reply's ladies XXX im on one hand relived to know im not alone, on the other sad that you are all having to go through this and feel this way

bakingtins

Its coming up 5 months (I thought it was 4 and a half) which isn't terribly recent but not terribly long either. I was 5 weeks. I think some people assume as it was early and im a few months down the line im better now.

The frustrating thing is I was doing relatively well and seemed to gradually get stronger. Now one of my friends has (once again) acted insensitively which has thrown up a lot of emotions. My other good friend is pregnant and coming to the end of her pregnancy. Up until now I have coped pretty well. I wont lie, when I first miscarried it was very difficult especially as she had excitedly pointed out (before the miscarriage) that we were 15 weeks apart. As the months have gone on I have found it easier and have supported her and embraced it the best I can.

My other friend sent over a scan picture of her niece which was very painful and I haven't felt i can speak to her about how it made me feel. I have spoke to her on a few occasions when she has done things to upset me. I feel there isn't really a point in going over it again as she just doesn't seem to get it.

A family member that has been there for me and (quite frankly I don't know what I would have done without them) may possibly be having there own baby they are just waiting to find out so I don't feel I can now keep burdening them with this.

I am now worried of how i will cope when my friend has her baby especially as i offered to help with childcare of her other children the first few weeks after the birth. Taking a break from it all is not an option at the moment really.

I was able to feel positive now with everything i feel i have gone back 3-4 months. I feel really dissapointed. I think counselling may be a good idea although just having the kindness of your and the other lady's words have helped to lift my spirits a bit.

XXX

Leela5 Sending you a big hug right back XXX

Im so sorry you are going through this right now (or at anytime) and its a mega kick in the teeth after 14 months :( and people (some that you wouldn't expect it from) can be so insensitive.

I was diagnosed with endometriosis last year, had surgery then was advised to wait for second lot before being able to try so had to put off trying for 10 months,which was difficult as we were worried about if i would struggle to conceive. Then I fell pregnant (in my opinion) shockingly quick. So when I miscarried I got all the "at least you know you can get pregnant" as well as "well at least it was only early" "it was natures way of taking care of something that was wrong" ect. You have probably heard all the gems.

And with it being 5 weeks I felt and feel (even) less entitled to mourn. Maybe instead of the rock I should rent out a cave, as its not just you and me, for us to retreat to once in a while XXXX

thesmallbear Im really sorry your feeling that way too :(

Thank-you so much for the great link i think it will really help me . i recognized some names there too (sadly) so maybe I can be a comfort to those that have helped me in the past. Thanks again XXX

Hi all, love and hugs for your loss, my missed miscarriage was confirmed last Friday , no heartbeat at 12 wk scan , little seed stopped growing at 7 weeks , it was my first pregnancy. ERPC booked in for next Tuesday : ( I'm so frightened , family and husband all being great , but I want to join you under that rock. I had all symptoms of a normal pregnancy and then 'boom' feel like I've had all the air kicked out of me, want to hibernate , trying to roll with punches so to speak , but it's so hard. I feel your pain. Never been under anaesthetic before so I'm very anxious ! Help! X

I'm sorry for all your losses and hope we can all feel a little better and stronger soon and bring each other comfort XXX

Mrsmac51

im so sorry, especially with the added anxiety of the anesthetic :( If it helps at all its just like drifting off to sleep but you don't realize until you have woken up if that makes sense? I was very scared the first time i had anesthetic (completely unrelated reason) as I had read horror stories about it. The nurses were very kind and reassuring. How is the hospital care where your treatment is being done, could your husband come in with you just while they are putting you under?. If you was to ask now and explain your anxious they could hopefully arrange that for you? XXX

I found the first day or so I thought i was handling it relatively well and being brave and "positive". i see someone say that on a similar post and they seemed to go into a survival mode. it was about 5 days after the miscarriage happend that the overwhelming sadness hit me and i went into what felt like a deep depression n seemed to feel worse with each day not better it was quite scary.

it felt very much like grieving for the loss of a family member so i expected it to be much like that, each day getting a little better than the last. for the most part it seemed to happen that way then suddenly i just felt like i had sunken again and then id think "i thought i was doing better". it was and is disappointing. now its more significant dates or if something specific, like my friend being thoughtless, that gets me down again.

My advice would be take each day as it comes, don't expect too much of yourself by trying to "be brave", "positive ect just let yourself feel what you need to feel and please don't try to put on a brave face for others. let people know if you need support so they can reach out and give that support as if you try to appear you are trying to soldier on they will assume you are doing ok.

That's whats i realized i have been doing. the miscarriage association site and helpline has been great, I would highly recommend it. I spoke to a lovely volunteer today who advised me of the above: to let people know im not doing so great instead of the automatic im doing fine response. I would also recommend to anyone to do something that's special to you, to make you feel you have honored the baby's life. i don't have a garden to plant a little flower or tree ect i have brought trinkets for the baby and also wrote a message in the forget-me-not-meadow on the miscarriage association site which has helped. I hope that all helps a bit.

Big Hugs XXX

Yes, I remember precisely that feeling after my third mc in a row. I just wanted to disappear from the world and could barely get out of bed in the morning. I had counselling but in reality the only thing that was going to fix it was a baby. I then fell pregnant with DS1 who is now 6 and everything else sort of vanished. The same feelings came back to a lesser extent when I mc'd between DS2 and DS3 but I just felt sadness then as opposed to the massive sense of being cheated out of something which appeared to be so easy for other people. I still felt that with all my successful pregnancies tbh. I couldn't get excited about a BFP as I was all consumed with early scans and I felt real jealousy for those who seemed to sail through the process without a care. I look back at it now and it all seems like a bad dream and I find it hard to accept that it actually happened. I have never felt so useless and inadequate in all my life though, it was horrible. After my 3rd mc I even felt slightly relieved because I knew they could then do the recurrent mc testing. The tests didn't show anything up and the consultant advised me to stop ttc for 6 months (I had 3 mc's in 9 months) to give my body a rest. I fell pregnant with DS1 within days of that consultant after drunkenly not be as careful as we should and the rest is history. I wish you all the best with your ttc journey, I am sure you will get there in the end.

I'm now 10 weeks post mc and it's starting to feel easier. I don't cry every day now and I can cope better with pregnant women and babies. I won't say it's easy but it's not my every thought if that makes sense.
I was 5 weeks too, it was our first pregnancy and we'd been trying over 6 months. I'm also 40 and have been diagnosed type 2 diabetes. I'm not allowed to try again til blood sugar is that of a non diabetic. Using contraception sucks too!
I'm trying to get healthy enough to try again. It's rough though.
There's no hard and fast answer. Everyone grieves differently. DH has accepted it and moved on. I wish it were that simple

Hope you feel better soon

I was really close to my nan and when she died of Alzheimer's I was devastated; but I didn't see people with Alzheimer's everywhere I went. After an MC reminders are constantly everywhere, which makes the grieving process harder I think.

OP - not sure if you are trying again yet? If so there is a brilliant thread on the conception board for those of us trying for another pregnancy after a miscarriage. The women on there are so supportive, I can highly recommend it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2191556-TTC-after-a-MC

purple having been on same ttc board as you for ages I know what you've been through it's crap and unfair. Having no control over when you get to try again is frustrating and upsetting. Hopefully your levels will be at a point soon where you can try again - come and vent at us whenever you need to, big hug xx

mrs the others have given you such great advice I'm not sure what else I could add apart from you're going to have shit days and positive days and both are ok to feel. Tell your work and friends or family as and when you feel you need to. I've found work to be very supportive. I was going to go back but they made me stay off and now I'm glad they did as I've needed more rest than I expected.

Hope you're all ok xxx

leave a space under that rock for me.

I'm currently sitting in the office trying to choke back the tears and pull myself together cause I've got to go and do an appraisal for one of my staff in a few minutes.

I miscarried at the beginning of August and was starting to feel a bit more positive. I'm almost 40 so we decided to start TTC again straight away. Work up this morning to find that it hasn't been successful this month, my period arrived right on schedule. I was so distraught I was in sobbing my heart out in the bathroom and woke my husband. It's the strength of my emotions that's throwing me at the moment, I've never been a teary person but the slightest little thing is setting me off.
This morning I took hours to pull myself together. It'd totally disproportional cause I know the chances of conceiving the first month are tiny, but we managed it for my first two pregnancies so why not now.. is there something wrong... am I too old

It's all just so unfair.

Friends have just brought their little girl home from hospital after a bumpy start, and while I really want to see them and give some support. I'm pretty sure that cuddling a newborn will just break me

impatiently I'm so sorry you feel so sad. If you've got any space under that rock I'll come and join you. I'm still bleeding with mine and you've been so supportive to me in another thread that here I am providing you with virtual hugs and tea. and you Leela. This sucks and the 'it was early' 'nature's way' comments are obviously well meaning but very difficult to hear.

I feel like I've got no right to mourn as I am the very very lucky owner of an almost two year old, but this one took a long time to conceive and I'm still so gutted.

Hi ladies sorry for the delay in reply i got home late yesterday and have been on and off mumsnet wanted to give you all a proper reply xx

Rockybalboa Thank-you so much for your reply. What a journey you have endured. I'm so sorry for all your losses and the terrible time you went through it must have been awful, I cant imagine how you coped. However I'm so pleased for you that you went on to have your three dear children (although pregnancies tainted with sadness/anxiety)

It doesn't lessen your loss of course, but I really hope that your three bring you joy everyday XXX

Hi Purplecircle

I'm sorry to hear of your loss especially after trying for 6 months :( that's really tough regarding your blood sugar. and contraception is a mood killer in itself and a reminder that you are (currently) not trying. I felt numb for first few days, cried at the drop of the hat from about day five and remained teary for a few weeks then the bad days between the good got less and i started to have better days. It does over all get better. I think the key is a good support system to be able to get those feelings out, if you have to let them fester its harder to move forward positively.

My partner isn't one to talk about things, we had 10 mins to talk after the scan before he had to go back into work and once he was home he didn't want to discuss it. then the opportunity to talk about it became more fleeting and when i was feeling stronger I didnt want to upset things all over again. we did talk a week or so later but after that he seemed to just want to move on and didnt want to keep dwelling on it by talking about it.

I was angry with him at first. He seemed to get over it so quickly i felt how could he? did not care enough about the baby to grieve over the loss?. I know he did but just he felt it differently and coped differently to me. I really hope things pick up for you soon xxx

The Smallbear

I'm so sorry about your nan, that's a sad way to lose a person that's dear to you. I was very close to my gran too, she looked after me from a baby (as mum got very ill with P.N.D and dad left). I lost gran 3 years ago. It was her birthday last week which i think is also why i have been having a wobbly time. My heart still aches and I miss her terribly. the miscarriage just makes me wish she was here all the more. she was my rock xxx

Iv seen that thread thank-you i have been lurking until im ready to try again. i was actually planning to try again very soon felt relatively ok and even started to feel excited at the thought. I will wait and see how i feel after my friend gives birth. I thinks its just a wobble with all the accumulation of things at once.

XXX

leela

Glad to hear your work have been supportive. How are you feeling today?
XXX

Hi northdownmummy

Big hugs to you, that's really crap, im sorry your having such a tough time :(
The emotions regarding the miscarriage were worrying for me. Are you able to talk to your husband or someone close to you. having gone through this so recently and trying again it must all be very raw xxx

I'm in a similar situation, my friends about to have her baby. Her friend has been pretty distant and unsupportive so i feel I need to be there. Also i have already promised to help with childcare for a week or so after the birth. Im really worried when it comes down to it im going to struggle and feel terrible about it xxxx

slightlyconfused85

You nearly made me cry, thank-you, im touched xx

The natures way one makes me feel like saying "well if natures so bloody clever then why didn't she foresee this and stop this happening in the first place and let me have a healthy pregnancy? but of course I don't and just bite my tough.

Its also unfair for people to say in the face of someones grief that has lost a baby and had other children at least you have dchild/children. You have every right to still grieve the loss of your baby, it was another much loved baby that would have been a sibling for dc1 and has left a gap. No child can replace or be replaced by another child. XXX

How are you all under this rock? So sorry to hear all of your sad accounts.

Yesterday was up and down. Went back to work which was nice to have distraction, but felt very lonely because no one could join me in my sad head. Went home at lunch and cried in afternoon.

Yesterday someone told me my baby wasn't meant to live and it was natures way, that I should think positively. I'm sure I recall thinking positively when they couldn't find my baby on the scan. Fat lot of good it did.

Hugs to all x

I'm sorry there are so many of you going through the mill at the moment. If I learned anything from the whole miserable experience of MC it's to never say/write any sentence starting with "at least..." There's a really helpful short film on youtube called "the power of empathy" which I'd be so tempted to send to anyone being insensitive. Having been through it and come out the other side I'd say there are a few silver linings, but you have to discover them for yourself.