Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 11

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

Agh - a thread in aibu is making me cross. It's about whether to have a third child - very reasonable question really as I am sure there are pros and cons - but all the posters saying things like "well I knew if I had 3 I would have to have a fourth to avoid having an odd number of children" are pissing me off. Same as someone I met the other day who had dc2 very close to her first because they had a certain window in their career earmarked for babies. Am sure I wouldn't have batted an eyelid normally but am having a jealous moment. Why can some people just have children to order eh?

Hi longest yes it drives me mad when people assume aMost of my friends are on child two or three and I'm still childless but agree with you we will get there in the end and it will be all the sweeter!

Egg sharing is probably not going to be an option for me tbh. I'll turn 35 in May and will want the best eggs all to myself, even if some go in the freezer in the hope of a DC2 (not that I think I'll get chance to have 2 now).

Sorry you're arguing with DH I think ttc does put pressure on both partners. Me and DH are very tight and I'm very lucky but we work hard at it and have been having counselling together since the 2nd mc. Would he consider anything like that? X

Hi ladies, cheeky visit to you all as DH asked for a "miscarriage-free" weekend (ok to talk about it, but he thinks my googling of MC-related stuff and trawling boards makes me depressed, which it clearly does)

Had a very pale line on a pregnancy test this morning, almost 3 weeks after ERPC. The ferning has returned so I had a sneaking suspicion that the hormones weren't gone. Amazing how after all the TTC this time I was thinking "no line, no line!" But I think it was there (at least I would have counted it if I'd been hoping for a positive! Oh well.

lurker sounds good, at least it should be reasonably warm up north. Port Douglas is nice, we used to spend all our hols in Queensland when I was growing up, and I think it's getting into the nicer weather there!

sruddy you're not a failure. I am in the same position as you, 2 mcs since Feb. I know it's hard but it's nothing you did, and you definitely shouldn't give up. It might be worthwhile taking some time off from TTC, DH and I took a couple of months off after MC1 and it does at least give you a breather. At least don't make any hasty decisions while you're still very very hormonal, it's just too much to have to deal with. Hugs xx

cat good to hear your DH is so lovely. I consider myself super lucky, I think our MCs have brought DH and I much closer. I don't think I truly understood how much he loves me until our first, just seeing how truly gutted for us both he was. I feel so so lucky to have him.

That's lovely to hear charlie a good man makes such a difference and hard times can bring you so close together. X

Hi All, I was wondering if I could join? I've just had my 3rd MC since January - 1 natural, 2 MMC followed by ERPC.
St Mary's in Manchester have referred me to the RMC. Has anyone got any advice at all? We won't be TTC for a little bit - I only had the op on Friday. Thank you - MC is rubbish isn't it?

Hi Boozle so sorry for your losses. You must be so warn out. and hugs to you.

I'm glad you've joined the thread. There are lots of lovely supportive ladies on here including success stories of ladies who've recurrent mcs.

I've only had 2 mcs but we were ttc for four years b4 that and I needed treatment to conceive. They have run some tests on me.

My guess is they will do blood tests for things like autoimmune, blood clotting, chromosomes and thyroid. They take lots of blood so be prepared hehe.

They may also do an analysis on the last baby you lost, which can sometimes help them to see what went wrong. I haven't ever had that done as they'll only it after 3.

Are you ttc dc1? How old are you and DH?

Oh Boozle, so sorry to hear this. I have dropped off the other thread as I've been trying to get my head back to 'normal', but I have been wondering how all of you ladies were doing. I am gutted for you. You are very welcome here, though. The ladies here have had all sorts of experiences with various clinics and tests, so will be able to answer your questions, and offer support. We have some success stories, too, so all is not lost.

I was seen at St Mary's last year and for the first appointment you will be scanned, medical history taken and lots of blood drawn. You may wish to take your old notes and paper work copies with you if you have them, they may take some copies for your file. You may be invited to sign up for the TABLET test which is a study involving thyroid antibodies. Many of us donated a sample but were not used for the trial because we didn't fit the criteria, but you might be, if you wanted to sign up.

If you need anything doing (hysteroscopy etc.) they'll book that in. I had a septum removed, which was fine, like an ERPC with a coil and HRT for a month afterwards.

You'll go back for repeat blood tests 6 weeks or so after the first lot and then have an appointment to give you all your results about a month after that. They'll tell you what your treatment/plan will be and then you 'go forth and multiply' and call them when you're pg again so they can do the TEG blood test again and decide whether you need anything for that, too, in a pg state, as it can change that result.

Many of us have also been up for private NK cell testing with Profs Brosens and Quenby at Coventry. This costs £360 and you need to have had 2 AFs before you go. They take a uterine biopsy and then advise what to do when trying again. They usually recommend 200mg progesterone from CD21 to CD28, carrying on if BFP, and then Heparin from 'in uterine' scan. If you have high NK cells, you may also be offered steroids, but other ladies will know more about that.

You will need to not be pg for these procedures and tests, and hopefully the break from ttc will help you to get your head around everything and heal emotionally.

Good luck with it all. ((Hugs))

Hi boozle and welcome to the thread - you've had a rough year
It may give you a bit of hope to know I had 3 MC between Sept12-June13 and am currently nursing my 3 month old baby. There is always hope, and in many ways becoming eligible for tests can be a positive thing.
The NHS tests find a cause in about 50% of cases, then some of the others will get an answer from the immune testing (like the Coventry tests mentioned) You do need to know from the outset that you might have all the tests and still not have an answer, though statistically that gives you the best chance of success next time and you will probably be offered some non specific supportive treatments and additional scans.
Use the break from TTC whilst you complete the tests to get as physically and emotionally strong as you can. Having the support of the lovely ladies here is a big help.

boozles. Welcome and so sorry - what a rough ride you have had on this rollercoaster. Just and cat have given you all the info I would have done but please ask if you have any more questions. The embryo testing is really helpful if you can manage it - I never have with mine as they've been natural and early.

Thanks cat - I do love him really - we've been together since we were kids and it is like he is part of me. but he can be so grumpy sometimes and I am hot-tempered too - it can be a bit fiery in our house! I am not sure counselling is really him, but he has not been too well for ages now and I am encouraging him to go to the dr so we shall see.

At least the sun is shining today - spent most of yesterday feeling a heavy autumnal melancholy had descended. Couldn't bring myself to do anything much - think dd felt the same. Couldn't even get her enthused about swimming or baking, which she normally loves.

Boozle, pleased to see you here, and already getting some advice. Ask away, and use us for support. This thread has been my lifeline. x

Hi All, thank you for the warm welcome and thank you Tanny for pointing me in the right direction. Places like this really help focus my head a bit!
Catlover my DH and I are really lucky that we've both got four year old DD's from previous relationships just no DC together. It does make me think that maybe we're just not compatible some how!

I'm pleased everyone seems to be getting on with their OHs, considering what a horrible time we've had.

Unfortunately, I develop a self protective thing when I'm pg, and start turning away from my DH. It's horrible. I can feel it happening, and me becoming a cold bitch towards him, almost willing him to row with me. We are really distant with each other and it feels shitty. I know it'll improve in a few weeks, but that seems a long time away.

Hi Tanny..I can understand and yes it's shitty isn't it?

But you'll get through if cause you're a team...

After a couple of days of detaching myself from everything...last night DH and I randomly went out for dinner/drinks in London. Just sort if came out of nowhere. Having not left the house since the ERPC I peeled myself off the couch and just thought sod it...I don't want to think about this for a bit. The bleeding has finally stopped and I was lucky this time to have no real physical pain. It the mental side of things in having to work on more (6th time round) Tbh I felt a pang of guilt as I got ready but somehow I made it out - and actually we had such a good time. It was kind of nice to just be out where no one knew our situation, to have a drink and just laugh out loud about stupid things...I'm glad we did it. In the end without him/them we could never do it I guess...? And in the meantime we're here too

Today for me is obv a bit of a back-to-reality comedown but 1 day at a time I suppose. The thought of returning to work has hit me hard and I can't bear to have to be around work colleagues and lie about where I've been

Trying to keep strong - sending positive thoughts to you all today

Sounds like we're all blessed with good OHs. Longest all have our moments and they aren't perfect but at least they are here for us. I hope his visit to the GP is helpful. It does place strain on our men too.

I can't imagine how girls who want a baby and don't have a DH cope with mcs when ttc on their ow. It must be awful.

Survivor well done to getting out there, it does help a bit! Is there no one at work you can open up to? I find lying to be hard work and I've also found my being open helps other women who've been though the same. Apparently 25% of women experience mc so a lot of people at your work will understand.

Positive thoughts and hugs to all you lovely ladies. I thank god this thread is here and we can speak to one another.

XXX

Survivor. All the best for tomorrow. Glad you enjoyed your night out. And cat is right, there's no law saying you have to lie. I told my boss and my colleague who is helping me on my project, neither of whom I know well as it's a new team, but I preferred to tell the truth and they were supportive. I told my last boss about mc2 too and he is a bloke but was very kind to me. It is every woman's right to remain private if that is their preference but I sometimes think the taboo around telling people about early pregnancy and miscarriage has gone too far- like it's frowned upon to say you are pregnant before 12 weeks in case you have to burden someone with the knowledge you have miscarried. Well fuck that! Most of my friends knew about my second pregnancy after dd as I am a hopeless liar and sneaking around bores me but it wasn't having to tell them I had miscarried that made it hard.

Longest I think the way you've handled it all is to be commended. You have helped me to decide that if when I get pregnant I shall be very upfront with work from the outset. I need support to be in place so I can have time for scans and check ups or so that I can take sick leave if I get tired or nauseous. I struggled through too much last time and I'm not doing it again!

I told my boss at the start on pg 4, 5 and 7 (this one)

I wanted him to know if things went bad and aslo keep him up to date of scan dates and stuff as I don't want to take annual leave for that...

he has been my boss for 10 years, so I know him well...

Hey there. I've not been online in a while - I think I've been in denial about all things ttc. Currently at St Mary's waiting for my op for septate removal though so have come crashing back to reality - eek.

I'm sorry to hear people are having difficult times. Survivor - Glad to hear you had a good night. I hope today goes smoothly. Tanny - sorry things are tense with DH. I think me abd my DH are similar when pregnant. It's all just too stressful and rubbish. Welcome Boozle, sruddy and any other new people. Sorry you find yourself here but it is an excellent source of support. Sorry not to name check everyone but I'm terrible with the mobile. Waves to everyone.

Hi ladies I've been directed towards this thread as I need to start asking my GP for help with Investigations etc that's if we decide to keep trying. I don't know how you all keep going you've got my utmost admiration

Hi Twilight - hope the procedure goes ok today. Make sure you're well taken care of

I'm working from home today - didn't make it in in the end

The situation with my boss is fine and I can take personal issues there without probs..it's just the rest of the staff and easing myself bk into work. We're based in a very open plan office so it's not easy to keep private life private and right now I just want to keep myself to myself and get back to a normal routine without drama and uncomfortable silences from people who don't know what to say. It's purely selfish reasons for myself why I prefer others not to know!

Longest - I do however completely agree with the 3 month 'safe zone' taboo. It's clear that any part of pregnancy can get complicated or change so it's important to be able to have the full support of people around you when you need them - especially people you're close to at work who you often see much more than family sometimes!

Hope everyone's day is going better than mine...currently watching the rain outside and trying to respond to emails..not doing much of a good job. I ordered Lesley Regans book though - hope it arrives soon.

Did anyone find it useful?

X

I'm suddenly terrified!!

Survivor - well done for looking after yourself and working from home. Open plan office sounds like a nightmare. After mine I did appreciate being able to ease myself in with a couple of days shut in my office.

Good luck, twilight, I'm sure it will all be fine! And once this is out of the way, it's onwards and upwards for you! Will be thinking of you.

Welcome boozle and ididnt - sorry you find yourselves here! It's just rubbish...
ididnt Hope you don't mind me asking, how many mcs have you had? The NHS will start 'proper' investigations after 3 consecutive mcs, but if you have an understanding GP, they might do some initial blood tests before you've reached that magic number, to check your hormone levels, in particular progesterone, to see if/when you are ovulating. This will involve having bloods taken on certain days during your cycle.
If you've had 3 mcs in a row, your GP should refer you to a recurring miscarriage clinic, where you will see specialists and get more detailed tests done.

survivor Going back to work after mc is so so hard. You want to stay in that 'safe' bubble, where you can take every day as it comes, and nothing is expected of you... Hope you'll start feeling stronger soon, take it easy.
You might find that going back into the office is not so bad after all - I found it a lot easier than expected after my last two mcs, mainly because my work gave me structure and I could just get stuck into it - it can be a great distraction.
But everyone is different, and you need to find out and do what's best for you!
I told both my line manager and the company director (who also leads the department I work in), and left it up to them who they wanted to tell about my mc. Tbh, the majority of my co-workers wouldn't have a clue (average age at my company is sub-30, and only very few people have children). And yes, one colleague who had been told confided that she also had had a mc - it is incredibly common.
I didn't find Lesley Regan's book particularly useful... But I have to admit that I never finished it (probably because of that). I just kept getting frustrated at being on the wrong side of the statistics She offers great explanations, but not much in the way of solutions - which is what I wanted when I tried to read it, so I was probably in the wrong frame of mind.

All in all, I agree with longest - these days, I'm much more happy to tell people I've had an mc, I think that there is a misconception that it is a taboo and that it needs to be talked about.
Plus, I've run out of ideas of how to explain why I've just had 2 weeks off work etc.

Is anyone watching 'In The Club' on TV at the moment? I quite like it, but am getting increasingly annoyed at them all popping out babies with no problems whatsoever (well, apart from the lady with the twins), and all they have to deal with are 'minor' issues with marriage, family and work... Bitter, moi?

I have my next counselling session tomorrow, and I haven't done my 'homework', i.e. had a good and open talk with DH
Sometimes I wish I could just throw some plates around, to draw attention that something is bothering me - I keep waiting for him to make the first move, but at the same time pretend that all is OK, so why would he ask?! Grrrr at myself!

I'm sadly experiencing my second 4-5 week loss, I've lost one at 6 weeks and one at 9 weeks too.

I've had one healthy term pregnancy by a different father and that dc is nearly 10.

I'm 31

Hi ididnt good on you for coming across. I'd really encourage you to pursue the testing even if you are not sure whether you want to TTC again. It's a scan and an armful of blood tests, really you haven't got much to lose. If they find a problem you can be treated and given a good idea what your chances of future success are, if they can't find anything you are no worse off than you are at the moment.
Your relative youth (lots of us are 40 ish) and the fact you've carried a baby to term in the past are big positives.

twilight thinking of you.

Hello - am now sans septum. All went fine. Recovering with tea and biscuits. They're very good aren't they.

Hugs Cloud. I grrr at myself all the time about the same kind of stuff. I think its just really difficult because mc is so isolating. What scary homework! Couldn't she have eased you in gently with something easy? Good luck if you decide to give it a go tonight.

ididnt - I'm sorry about your losses. I'm with tins and would try and pursue a referral for testing if I was you. I got referred just after my fourth and wasn't sure whether I would try again at that point to be honest. By the time the referral came though (which wasn't too long) I was feeling differently and was glad I'd requested it earlier if you see what I mean. You don't have to go thought without if you get to that stage and don't want to, but if you feel differently then it'll happen sooner.