Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 11

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

Yeah, I understand that. I think I'm still in shock, and suspect I'm going to slump in the latter part of my cycle as the hormones shift around yet again.

The tears continue. It's definitely taking me a while (I know that's ok, but it's difficult when you're trying to just get on with life). I just read an article on MC and ended up sobbing - poor DH couldn't understand. He's like "What's wrong? What did it say that made you upset?" He doesn't understand that things just trigger that feeling of loss, like your heart is breaking

The acupuncturist convinced me on the herbs today. She has recommended a course of 1 month, which would take me to around my first post-AF ov. So I'm going to do that. I'm so paranoid about my behaviour in the 2ww that I'm not going to be able to bring myself to take anything then I think.

tiny I get the "acting strong" thing. Honestly, sometimes it's easier to be all stuff upper lip about it. I find myself minimising it a lot when talking to others, like "oh it's fine, we're keeping our fingers crossed for next time, we've just been really unlucky" (all said in a falsely bright voice!) I just find pity from people really hard to deal with, it makes me want to break down completely.

Daisy - My work didn't offer me any days off and insist suggested I may want to continue working to keep busy!!

So mc1 - I took 2 days off, mc2 no days and mc3 1 day for erpc only.

daisy it sounds like you're not ready to go back yet. I would take the extra week and give yourself time. I didn't take long enough off after my last mc and I regret it still. Hugs to you xxx

Tiny your post about that lady handing over the 'products' is so sad. Heart goes out to her for what she is going through, can't imagine how women recover from mc with a child around.

I plan to stop once I have one as there's no way I could do infertility / mc and care for a young en. I have huge respect for all the ladies on here who manage to do that. We women are so amazing! X

Charlie sorry to hear about your tears. It's best to cry and get it all out. Bottling up never did anyone any good. X

Hello all. I tried to post 3 times in the last week but was interrupted by various things each time. I have read everything but apologies to those not mentioned.

tiny that's a great start. Everything crossed it carries on like this x

effin hello, sorry you find yourself here and hope you find some useful info and support amongst us.

Charlie cry away. A girl I know pretty well from work, left the other day. She was in tears. I gave her a hug to say bye and she said 'look after yourself' (she knows about 3 of the mc, and i know that's what she was referring to) and I started crying! We don't see each other outside work, just a work friend. Funny what sets one off!

cat ignore your gp..sorry she made you feel rubbish.
In reference to dealing with mc and a child: Those of us with a child know how lucky we are to have them. Personally, on the whole I feel like my son keeps me going..he needs me..I HAVE to be ok for him, but there have been times when it's been really tough. I feel guilty too, for all the scans and appointments he has been dragged to (gone to 90% of them alone as OH working, and no-one nearby I want to leave him with).

daisy take all the time you think you need, I reckon. Each time, I have found going back to work harder than I thought it would be. Time off has differed for me. I don't like being at work if I am bleeding and waiting for the mc to happen..too much fear of it happening there. I have been to work whilst waiting for an ERPC in the past, and after bad/dodgy scans whilst waiting for the next to confirm mc etc. I have also taken up to 3 weeks off post mc. I can't afford to run out of sick time so find the whole thing tricky.

I struggle with work already, as I have always been a total wuss about leaving my DS - even though I only do 3 days a week.After my tfmr, I was back at work a week after the actual procedure. It..was..awful. My manager did not speak to me all day, until I approached her to update her on work stuff at the end of the day, and I saw plain fear in her eyes. She knew what had happened, and clearly had avoided me all day. The main point to this is that my job is medical, and can involve pregnancy, so it was a rough day. I felt utterly unsupported and still feel bitter about it!

Hope everyone is ok x

Hi ladies
Can I join please?

I'm currently recovering from my 2nd mc in 3 months. I had my first one at 4+3 at the end of May, and then was admitted to Birmingham Women's Hospital on Sunday with severe pain and bleeding and my scan Monday morning confirmed baby had died so I had an ERPC Monday afternoon. Am now home recovering.

My grief is so raw and so is the terror of trying again. During my 1st mc so many people said "it will be ok next time, you are more fertile straight after, you statistically have a higher chance of being successful"

Well apparently not.

How can I try again? The hospital was horrific, how can I willingly put myself in potentially that position again? I desperately want a family, I feel heartbroken.

All I want to do is talk about what happened to me, but miscarriage is taboo isn't it? No one ever wants to talk about it.

I know that 2 mc's don't quite count as recurrent for doctors but I'm nearly 38, if I ask for help next time I TTC - do you think I have a good chance of getting it?

Before I met DP I was single for so long and worried I was so old I'd struggle to get pregnant. My trouble seems to be staying pregnant....

Hi Brummiegirl I'm so sorry to read your post and I know just how you feel.

Welcome to the feed. Lots of lovely girls on here and all very supportive.

Few practicalities to start off with... Are you now having mc tests at the hospital? Are you familiar with Prof Quenby's mc clinic in Coventry?

I am like you and have had two mcs and pushed for tests, which they have done. This may be because I have infertility issues too but I am sure you can get help. Might be worth asking your GP if they will send you for tests.

As for the emotional side... Well it is so so hard and people don't understand unless they have been through it. Needing to talk about it is very normal and it is better out than in as they say.

I live in Dudley so really not far away from you and I am 34 so similar age to you. If ever you want to PM me feel free. I would be happy to meet for a coffee sometime if you can face it. to you.

XXX

Oh Bootles that sounds so hard. There is no way I could face scans with a DC, I'm in tears before they've even started scanning haha. And to have a health / pregnancy related job on top. Well are a very strong lady!! X

Hi catlover thank you so much for the kind words. I don't actually know very much about Prof Quenby but seen name mentioned so will investigate.

Have no idea about mc tests. Whilst they were v compassionate at Women's, I do kind of feel like I was booted out the door once I was discharged.

I guess my plan is, come to terms with what happened - DP and I have a few nice things planned plus we've decided sod it and booked are going to book a holiday to rest and recuperate. Then I guess I will go and see GP and say right, why can't I stay pregnant?

I feel so shocked that its happened again. Don't even know where to start ith getting better. DP is currently writing a long complaint letter to our house builder for our new house. It's not really necessary but I guess it's his way of channelling his anger and grief.

Thank you for your kind words. These threads are invaluable are times like this and it means so much. I've joined the fb Miscarriage Assocation Group as well so hope it all helps
xx

Welcome, brummie, sorry that you find yourself here. It's completely normal that you are feeling utterly crushed by what has happened - we all want to believe that the next time will be OK, and it is such a blow when it all turns out not to be. With every mc, I just want to shout 'Surely now I deserve to have a lucky one?!'. I don't take much comfort in the fact the only very few women experience multiple/recurring mcs, since I am one of them.

I would encourage you to talk about it, though - you might be surprised how many people have had similar experiences. I have been amazed at how many people around me have had mcs! They are so common, and it drives me mad that no one talks about it.
And do ask your GP - they might be happy to do some initial blood tests, to look at hormone levels and maybe clotting factors. Some are happy to let you have these tests.
And yes to the holidays! Treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it! It is good to have something to look forward to, takes your mind off things.

Give yourself time, don't worry about trying again just yet. You need to recover from this, both physically and emotionally. I didn't think that I could give it yet another go, but like so many of us on this thread, here I am.

Yeay Tiny, so pleased! Are your scans at St Mary's? I am there on 3 September for more blood tests.

Brummie. Welcome. I am sorry you find yourself here. You are well located for one of the best clinics in the country in Coventry so look into that if you can.

You should check out the gallery out cloud. It was nice and they have free story telling during the school holidays. Bit much going with three friends moaning about pregnancy though. Felt a bit drained afterwards. Just got in from night out though -leaving drinks for colleague then dinner with my sister who was in London for the evening. Feeling better. Was going to have my hair cut on Fri actually but nursery rang to say they are finishing early that day for reasons undisclosed so I guess I am going to the park instead!

Tiny, glad everything is on track so far. I was also wondering which hospital you were at? Who prescribed the heparin? Were they going from the advice from Coventry, or would they have prescribed it anyway?

After asking my GP to write to them on my behalf, I've had a letter from my local services offering to see me and scan me at 6, 8 and 1o weeks next time. And, even though they are clear that they don't understand/endorse the research at Coventry, and it doesn't match watch it says in the books (esp. the advice on Aspirin; they looked it up and everything), they are willing to prescribe the progesterone (they like this, it is gaining 'momentum', apparently), and the magical heparin. There was a little lost in translation; I'm not sure they really get the fact that the TEG is repeated at St Mary's, but over all, this is progress. Just need to overcome my psychological distrust of local EPUs (who can be a bit ham fisted - no I don't want your bloody leaflet). Oh, and actually get pregnant again...

Brummie, I think you were over on the conception after mc board? Sorry to see you here. It's a real shock, isn't it, when you realise you are one of the very unlucky ones. Try and push for as many tests as you can; your GP should be able to order most with out referring you just to rule out clotting issues etc. Take care of yourself.

Returning to work, I had most procedures on Wednesdays and so had the two days and then the weekends. My GP has always to sign me off for as long as I wanted. I took a week with no. 3 as I didn't want to risk suddenly mcing at work in front of everyone (esp. the kids). I had a few false starts going back to work after the first and took about a week. I wanted to get back to work to keep busy, but was emotional jelly and kept being sent home. You just have to do what's best for you. Triple, your employers sound quite heartless!! Especially if colleagues also can't handle it! Could HR have been more supportive?

Hello. I go to the Royal Free in Hampstead.
My GP had attached the Coventry letter so they followed protocol. Ended up not even seeing a doctor, the lovely nurse talked to them and they just gave me the prescription
I am quite lucky in that way...

Thanks for the info, Tiny. They sound very good. My Coventry letter only seems to get my local hospital scratching their heads and saying "It doesn't say that in the manual...". :/

I just wish there was a generic protocol... it's funny, i was in the waiting room readying a speech in my brain about egos and treatment plans and how I wanted this one, but fortunately didn't need it...

The staff at the Royal Free is great... i am not 100% sure of the main man (only saw him once and he was a bit abrupt) but the nurses and most of the sonographers are great.

After MC5 when I was telling one of the nurses about going to Coventry she was raving about Prof Q as she said she goes to annual conferences and loves when she talks and so on...

Good luck with your GP brummiegirl be firm with them!

A bit of time out for you and DH sounds good (holiday sounds great) and if you can take a break while waiting for your test results to come back that's even better.

The positives are that you are getting pregnant and you will get there, you just might need a little extra support to get over the last hurdle so to speak.

Don't forget we're all on here anytime you need to chat and if you fancy a talk over coffee sometime just let me know, I go to Brum lots and it's really no trouble!

Hugs to you xxx

Morning all. Another big wobble this morning, lots of tears. Not sure the DH really knows what to do with me at the moment!

I had a lovely email today from a girl at work - we told everyone in the office as it's a small company and I had to cancel a couple of work trips last minute so it was really noticeable. Anyway, she had a baby a year ago but wrote to me today to tell me she had three miscarriages, each one post-12 weeks, in between each of her three children. It's so incredibly reassuring to me to hear stories of women who have had healthy children, even though they have had MCs. It's hard when you don't have any kids yet, wondering whether you've just had bad luck or if it's a permanent problem.

I've decided to go and have some counselling, I think someone mentioned that city pregnancy counselling in London is good?

charlie it was me, i have only had two sessions so far, but the counsellor I got seems ok... shall have to wait and see...

but it's good to have one hour to just talk about me me me and what worries me and how not to let the mcs and pregancy consume me so totally...

Thanks tiny I'll give it a go. Need to ring them gulp

No need to ring, fill out the form on their website and i sorted it all out by email

Charlie counselling does help, I have started to cope much better thanks to the lady I have been seeing.

I'm really pleased to hear someone at work has sent kind and encouraging words too, it really helps.

Give yourself time and take it easy. It's only natural for you to be hurting right now. DH will understand I'm sure.

Hugs xxxx

brummiegirl hello, sorry to hear of your losses. I echo what everyone else has said - it's entirely normal to be feeling the way you are now. Any mc when you want a baby is heartbreaking, but it's easier to accept the first one perhaps, because we all know these things happen. But the second I think is particularly shocking, because after one you hope that's your bad luck out the way. Someone said it earlier, mc is actually very common, though the kind of mc history's found on here are thankfully more unusual. Your plan to ask your GP for tests is a good one, and a first step. Be kind to yourself x

cat I have no doubt that if you were me you'd manage brilliantly :-) You have been through such an ongoing rough time, and still have plenty of energy to find kind words for others. Everything crossed this cycle brings you luck x

Charlie, how lovely of your colleague, and how encouraging. Mc really is common and its amazing how many people come forward when one person opens up.

To those having trouble with their GP's understanding things, that is soooo frustrating for you all! Tiny glad your meds are sorted.