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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Has anyone else had a complete melt down at work?

16 replies

thesmallbear · 08/07/2014 15:41

So I've been back at work for two weeks (had two weeks off after my miscarriage). I had my appraisal today and on the appraisal form you have to complete sections entitled 'what's gone well' and 'what needs improving.' Under 'what needs improving' I put I need to get my health back to 100% because I do not feel I've been performing to the best of my ability since coming back to work. I then explained that I wasn't feeling very well and started crying! I probably have a load of hormones left in me from the pregnancy/miscarriage and am now having a really nasty period, so even more hormones! I keep crying for no reason.

My boss is lovely and really understanding but I feel really embarrassed for making a complete tit out of myself!

OP posts:

rootypig · 08/07/2014 15:44

don't. That's what the appraisal, in the best of worlds, is there for. So your boss can see how you really are, not for you to be as brave as you can be. Now s/he can support you.

And to answer your question, yes, I've cried at work, a few times! and everywhere else on the planet.

Take care of yourself.

IsItMeOr · 08/07/2014 15:49

I know how embarrassing it feels (because I've done it too).

And I also know it's okay - because I've had it done to me too by colleagues.

It happens. It's okay.

I was a bit funny for a while after I had a miscarriage. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

SmileAndNod · 08/07/2014 15:51

Yes. I mc'd in 2009 and it really hit me hard. Went back to work, thought I was doing ok and then one day a lady from another office came in with beautiful bump at my eye level and much talk of her baby ensued.

It was too much for me to take, cue floods of tears and hasty exit to the corridor. Luckily my male boss realised what was going on, ushered me out of the building to my car and I had the rest of the day off.

You need lots of support, and now they know this too and can help. Hormones are pesky things so be kind to yourself

snowgirl1 · 08/07/2014 15:53

Over the years I've seen lots of people have meltdowns at work and most didn't have as good a reason as you do. As Isitme said, be kind to yourself. I'm sure your boss and colleagues understand.

Quodlibet · 08/07/2014 15:53

Agree. Also, you're not crying for no reason, you are crying because you are grieving and it takes time to heal from your loss. Go easy on yourself.

Original poster

thesmallbear · 08/07/2014 15:55

I was meant to have a job interview this afternoon but have had to withdraw because I just wasn't up to it. Feeling relieved at the moment, but will probably be gutted later on when I see less experienced people overtaking me

OP posts:

IsItMeOr · 08/07/2014 16:25

That's such a shame. Sometimes I think it makes my life easier if I can accept that my focus in life is on one thing, and that means I can't be as focused on other things. For now, your focus probably needs to be on getting yourself better.

IsItMeOr · 08/07/2014 16:30

I had a major heaving sobs breakdown in the open plan office at work earlier this year. My boss's boss saw me - and brought me and the lovely colleague who took me off to a room for a super kind chat a cup of tea.

Yes, there was a good reason for it - like you had.

And everybody respects me just as much - and in the boss's boss case seemingly more - despite it. I suspect it helps if people can see that we are real human beings, with real human emotions sometimes.

Original poster

thesmallbear · 08/07/2014 17:26

I struggled to concentrate when I first went back to work. I was just about getting myself together and then my period came and knocked me backwards again

OP posts:

CurlyJay19 · 29/07/2014 11:31

I have one every other day at work. After 4 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages I am struggling to keep afloat. Thankfully I have great colleagues and if they see me crying either they let me be and give me a hug later or they come rushing to lend me their ears and shoulder to cry on. I also have my meltdowns at home with DH but sometimes he looses his patience and tells me to snap out of it. I am constantly loosing interest in anything, especially at work....hence why I'm logged in on MN :)

Original poster

thesmallbear · 29/07/2014 13:25

I have good days and bad days, but because I'm so busy I start to worry when the bad days get me behind.

Work were actually kind enough to re-arrange that job interview I posted about earlier and by some miracle I actually got the job. Good knows how I managed it with everything going on! Anyway, the promotion means more responsibility so my fog head is not good. I kind of don't care most of the time due to all that's happened (which is a bad sign in itself for me as I normally care quite a lot)! But then there are days when the worry sets back in!

OP posts:

Original poster

thesmallbear · 29/07/2014 13:27

P.s. sorry to hear you've had 3 MCs Curly how awful. Have they started to do any testing so you can get some answer? Maybe if you could find a way forward it would help?

OP posts:

Itscurtainsforyou · 29/07/2014 13:40

It sounds perfectly normal to me. I had 3-4 weeks off when I had a late loss last year, but luckily was able to work from home if I was having a bad day. It wasn't unusual for me to disappear off to the loo for a good cry most days though.

My other two losses have been much earlier (5-7 weeks) - the most recent being hard as, like a previous poster, that was my fourth pregnancy, yet I still only have one living child (I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I'm thankful for him every day, but the losses are still hard). I still have my moments at work, especially if others are pregnant or baby announcements come around, but I think/hope it's getting easier.

Well done at getting the promotion! All I can suggest re the brain fog is trying to be as organised as possible, setting yourself tasks for the day etc - I found having too little structure gave me more time to think/get upset. I'm not saying dong let yourself get upset, but it's good to be able to distract yourself and get back to some kind of normal (whatever normal is).

Mrsm14 · 29/07/2014 14:34

Can I just say all you ladies are wonderful and a complete lifeline. I ran to the loo yesterday and sobbed just out of nowhere, 6 weeks on from my miscarriage. And I am also struggling to concentrate / care at work, beyond panicking every few days that someone will realize I'm on mumsnet / looking at cottage breaks in the middle of nowhere all day! These threads are brilliant for helping you realise you're not alone. Thank you (and congrats on promotion smallbear!) x

enlightenedbunny · 29/07/2014 21:09

Yes, done it twice - and will probably do it again in the next few weeks.

The last time, soon afterwards there was an episode at work where someone I'd confided in about the pregnancy (prior to the mc) asked how it was going, then either didn't hear my response 'err, i'm not pregnant anymore' or was just stressed and not thinking, but she was a bit short with me and as soon as I sat down in my office I started blubbing. Which was awkward for the new colleague who popped in to say hello(!) - she ended up comforting me with a hug and tissues. Then, the very next day I went to another meeting and my boss asked 'how are you' and I, again, just turned into a blubbering mess. Embarassing (I still cringe when I think about it) but he was very nice about it.

(Not at work, but more unexpectedly was a few months ago when a friend 'surprised me' with her bump. Unknown to her, we would have shared the same due date :( Kept it to myself, thought I was ok... till I started telling partner about it - cue the uncontrollable sobs.)

This time, I've not gone back to work yet - not looking forward to it but figure, if it happens it happens. People cry for much less! I also find trying to get on with 'normality' as soon as possible helps me deal with it and dwell less...

Hope it helps to know its not just you!

CurlyJay19 · 30/07/2014 09:27

Morning Ladies, I hope you are all feeling a little better today. I'm not doing bad today. Managed to do some work this morning and now I am taking a well deserved break :)

Congrats Smallbear on your promotion, well done! You'll slowly regain control of your new position, just be kind to yourself and take your time.

Smallbear, I have had tests to see why I miscarry. My first 3 pregnancies were IVF (first 2 BFP and m/c and 3rd BFN) due to DH having a vasectomy. After my 2nd miscarriage DH and I challenged the clinic for some tests which at first they refused to but when I told them about my aunts recurrent m/c history the doctor changed her mind. I tested positive on heterozygous MTHFR and have to have Clexane as soon as I have a BFP.

DH had a reversal to his vasectomy 2 months ago and last month I had a chemical pregnancy. I've sort of accepted the 3 miscarriages, what upsets me and hurts me the most is that DH's ex is now 5 months pregnant after she forced him to have a vasectomy whilst they were married! Oh, and she abandoned her kids when she had the affair with her toyboy...nice!

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