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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Having a medical termination tomorrow at 20 weeks

77 replies

DRSLondon · 01/03/2014 17:23

We received the tragic news that our baby had spina bifida and so we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy to spare our child a lifetime of suffering. I am devastated and in shock. I'm also frightened about the labour and what the whole nightmare experience will be like. I know it's too soon to think of the future but I hope I will be able to conceive and have a healthy baby soon. It's the only way I can see myself moving on and being happy again. Has anyone been through anything similar? My sympathies to you if so.

OP posts:
AllTerrainMammy · 01/03/2014 17:31

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. We didn't have a medical termination but were told at 20 weeks that our babies heart had stopped beating. That was two weeks ago. I can't offer much advice other than the labour was painful but not unbearable. It was like an ordinary delivery and we got to cuddle our son afterwards etc. You will be in shock and it will take you a long time to adjust but be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. Sadly nature is cruel and your body may produce milk etc after the delivery and you will probably bleed for a few weeks afterwards but everyone is different.
Thinking of you at this very sad time.

quietlysuggests · 01/03/2014 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DRSLondon · 01/03/2014 17:40

Thanks allterrainmammy, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think I can face holding the baby. Makes it too painful. I hope you feel strong again soon. Have you gone back to work?

OP posts:
AllTerrainMammy · 01/03/2014 19:48

I wasn't sure about holding our son at first and took a few hours to come round to the idea but I'm so glad that I did. See how you feel afterwards - the hospital we delivered in we're fantastic and said we could change our minds at any point up to two or three days after delivery. You'll go through so many emotions which will change everyday so give yourself time. Remember any decisions you make now will be made in a stressful and emotional environment and they will be the best decisions you are capable of at the time.

I haven't gone back to work and won't be for a while. Been signed off for another month but I work with babies and pregnant ladies which I think I will find hard to go back to.

Do you know when you will be delivering your baby? My thoughts are with you.

bakingtins · 02/03/2014 08:40

Thinking of you today drs it's a terrible thing to go through. Flowers

AllTerrainMammy · 02/03/2014 09:05

Thinking of you today at this very very sad time.

halfwelsh · 02/03/2014 23:02

hi. i am so so sorry for your terrible news .i went through s medical termination at 22 weeks due to baby having anaencaphly -spinal bifida .you will be given as much pain relief as necessary
i too was terrified although it was my second baby so had some idea of labour. it was much quicker and much less painful than full term. like the other lady i didn't want to see our sin after but changed my mind several days later.you will make the right decision for you whatever the may be. lots of love and thoughts.

halfwelsh · 02/03/2014 23:03

sorry son not sin

absandme · 02/03/2014 23:24

All I can say is that my thoughts are with you & your partner and that although you have decided not to hold your baby, perhaps also consider making the final choice right there, at the time and what ever the decision remember, it was right at the time.

halfwelsh · 03/03/2014 17:19

ARC are s upport organization for people as othergoing through medical terminations. my thoughts have been with you today. be kind to yourself and as others have said your decision is the right one for your

Original poster
DRSLondon · 04/03/2014 11:36

Hi all,
I am now home from the hospital. Feels very surreal. I am pleased its over but also not sure what to do with myself. Just feeling incredibly tired - physically and emotionally. I didn't see the baby and I am happy with that decision. My husband did see the baby and we will have a burial on Thursday. Not sure how to return to normal life or work. The thought is incredibly daunting. Thank you for your support. I hope we will all have happier experiences in the future. Xxx

OP posts:
ziggletttwiglett · 05/03/2014 23:04

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somedizzywhore1804 · 05/03/2014 23:13

Zigglett I can see why it's a sensitive issue for you and totally understand the point you're making but I'm not sure that this is the best place for it. I'm glad you have good experiences of this disability and are clearly proud of your relations but OP will clearly be very raw and hearing something like that could really upset her at what is already a shit time.

My thoughts are with you OP at this rotten time x

ThonHoor · 05/03/2014 23:15

zigglett Did you actually bother to read the thread before you posted?

Your post is extremely thoughtless and ill timed.

OP - I hope you are ok. Take care of yourself Thanks .

Cluffyflump · 05/03/2014 23:20

DRSLondon,

I'm so verry sorry for your loss.
My thoughts are with you and your Dh.

Zigglett.

Why the actual fuck would you want to post that?
If you have even an ounce of decency, you will ask for your insensitive post to be removed.
I am truly dumbfounded that anyone could actually be so crass/stupid to post here, as you have.

ShoeWhore · 05/03/2014 23:22

DRS I'm so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself and don't rush back into normal life until you are ready. Take care.

somedizzywhore1804 · 05/03/2014 23:23

Thon and Clutty thanks for that. I didn't want to kick off and look like I was just stirring up trouble for the sake of it but I read Ziggletts post and was just dumbfounded Sad

I agree that it might be worth asking for it to be removed, Zigglett. At the moment there's still a chance OP hasn't read it.

elQuintoConyo · 05/03/2014 23:26

(((hug)))

Amy106 · 05/03/2014 23:26

OP, so sorry to hear your very sad news and wishing you all the best for the future.

ziggletttwiglett · 05/03/2014 23:32

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Cluffyflump · 05/03/2014 23:39

Well it does and you were not asked for your blessing on the matter.

You want to pull the op up on being insensitive to your partners brother?!

Good god.

Have a look at yourself.
It's not pretty.

ThonHoor · 05/03/2014 23:40

FFS.

This thread is not about you or your family and it is not the appropriate setting for you to get on your soapbox.

This is a support thread for DRS who has just gone through a heartbreakingly difficult ordeal.

Show some bloody compassion and ask for your spectacularly unhelpful posts to be deleted.

Mandy21 · 05/03/2014 23:42

Zigglett you are not in OPs shoes and until you are, you have no idea how hard it must be to make a decision like this one. Just have the grace to accept that whilst you may have a different view, its unhelpful and insensitive to post here when the OP had just got back from hospital.

Op - my thoughts are with you and your H.

Sheldonswhiteboard · 05/03/2014 23:42

In that case post the information on a thread where someone is trying to make the decision, not where they have already made the decision and gone through with it!

DRS best wishes to you and your family.

sleepyhead · 05/03/2014 23:47

zigglett, there are degrees of spina bifida ranging from lesions which are sadly incompatible with life to very, very mild cases which may go unnoticed into adulthood. Your relative's case may have no similarity whatsoever to the likely outcome for DRS's wee one.

Shame on you. Educate yourself before you get all self righteous on these sad, sad threads. This is not the time or the place to be thinking about anyone except DRS and her family.

DRSLondon, I am so sorry for your loss.