Having a medical termination tomorrow at 20 weeks

[DRSLondon]

We received the tragic news that our baby had spina bifida and so we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy to spare our child a lifetime of suffering. I am devastated and in shock. I'm also frightened about the labour and what the whole nightmare experience will be like. I know it's too soon to think of the future but I hope I will be able to conceive and have a healthy baby soon. It's the only way I can see myself moving on and being happy again. Has anyone been through anything similar? My sympathies to you if so.

(((hugs OP))

Not cool Zigglett. Back down.

I don't think I've ever read anything as horribly insensitive and selfish as your post ziggle. Your assumptions and generalising are crass and stupid. Not every case of Spina Bifida is the same in severity or prognosis and comparisons are unhelpful. I really hope the op does not read such cruel posts - and it is cruel to post that here. You do not have to post anything at all you know?

I have reported and hope MNHQ can remove it and all posts alluding to the sheer stupidity of ziggle before the op reads it. Good grief is it not enough to make the heartbreaking and presumably agonised over decision to terminate without having some idiot getting on their soapbox to rub some salt in the wound :(

Have you no compassion ? I've also reported.

As pp have said there are many forms of spinia bifida
I imagine the ops unborn child had the incompatible with life form called anecaphalicy (sp)

Yes Ziggy your relatives have the less dibilatating (sp) form but you have clearly not bothered to find this out.

Why comment on a thread that is obviously so distressing for the op?

Heartless

Honestly have a think about this. The op has posted about her tragic loss of her child. She has not posted about anybody's cousin, brother or sister in law, she has posted about her loss, her own, personal situation. Stop making this about you. It is selfish and horrible.

Take your discussion to another thread and leave the op to grieve in peace.

What exactly do you hope to achieve?
What do you think will happen if/when the op reads your comments?

Are you happy to heap more pain onto a grieving mother?
Do you really think that this thread is the best place to voice your opinions?

Everything K8Middleton said. Probably the most inappropriate post I've ever seen on MN.

OP, Here's to comfort, peace, and easier times ahead.

Zigglettt, I posted about being told by baby has abnormalities a few weeks ago, I posted in AIBU so anyone who had a negative view of my feelings and choices would have had every right to say so but you know what? No one did, everyone was so kind and it really helped me cope with the initial shock.

I have a child with SN/complex medical problems who I love with all my heart and I still briefly considered a late term termination because being told that your unborn baby will have problems is bloody heartbreaking and terrifying. I am having my baby soon and I still don't know yet how severe by baby's issues will be and posts like yours are not helpfull.

I don't know the OP I but I am sure she has made her choice out of love for her unborn baby and wanting spare it from feeling pain so how about you just leave her alone if you can't be supportive.

OP I am thinking of you and I hope you have lots of love and support around you right now.

Wow!

Op I hope you haven't had to read through an insensitive idiot's post.
I went through the same thing. We had a blessing and a funeral.
It broke my heart seeing a coffin the size of a shoe box but I'm glad we did that for him.
The hospital took prints of his hands and feet. They are amongst my most treasured possession.
Look after yourself.

Zigglett congratulations for posting the most arseholish thing I have ever seen on mumsnet. FFS!

To the OP, look after yourself, you did what you had to do.

OP be kind to yourself and wishing you all the best for the future

Ziglett - have reported what is the most breathtakingly insensitive post I have ever seen on mumsnet. You should be ashamed.

OP how heartbreaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Ziglett - i am astounded at your insensitivity, have you no compassion?

OP - I am so sorry to read of your loss. I hope you and your DH are drawing strength from each other.

Ziglett - you are beyond words - please show an iota of sensitivity and sympathy. I have also reported your posts.

Why are ziglett's posts still here? Where's this new MN night watch?

Unfortunately her posts don't technically break the guidelines. They probably can't delete for insensitive, cold, and self-focused posting.

Op if you do come back and have seen them, please recognise those posts for what they are and don't let them bother you. They are only ignorant words on a screen from a stranger who has never had to make the choice you just have.

Hope you're feeling ok today.

DRS - I am very sorry for your loss, do take lots and lots of time for yourself and your husband.

I'm not sure if you have other dc but maybe in a few weeks when you have healed physically (I don't mean mentally) you and your dh could go away for a few days, somewhere beautiful like the West Country or wales and just 'be' for a bit without the nonsense of every day life.

Take care.
(((Hugs)))

I had a medical termination for as my baby had anencephaly
It was 12 years ago.

I did not see the baby, my choice but DH did.
I was 15 weeks pregnant at the time.

I took a week off as I wasn't ready to go back to work. I also did reduced hours the first couple of weeks.

We had a burial, just me and DH, it was peaceful, we had a blessing and put flowers on her coffin.

You have to look after yourself. You will need time to process it all and to grieve. Don't think you have to get back to normal straight away or try and push yourself too much to do stuff.
My heart goes out to you. Please ignore the spectacularly ignorant and ill timed posts.
Look after yourself (((hugs)))

Oh I think they do break the guidelines. Horrible trolling of this thread.

Sometimes it not about sticking to the absolute letter of the guidelines, surely sometimes common sense has to play a part.

The post was made after the OP had gone through a heartbreaking experience, I fail to see how the post was intended in any good way.

The OP has enough to deal with right now- she has to bury her child FFS. And this thread could have been supportive and considerate and helpful for her but now? Well I hope the OP doesn't come back and read this. Because if I had a comment like that directed at me, just after I had to go through the heartbreaking process of terminating for medical reason, it would have ripped me apart.

And you should be bloody well ashamed of yourself for posting that. Because you could not possibly have thought it was helpful to the OP

Oh and zigglett?

You need to educate yourself before making assumptions.

My baby would not have survived. There was no decision to be made- she would not have lived.
Do you not understand that there are different prognosis for spina bifida? That it isn't actually as black and white as you seem to think?
You think that because your family are able to live happy, fulfilled lives then everyone is the same?

It is very fucking dangerous and idiotic to make posts like yours when you clearly do not have a fucking clue.