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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Currently having a miscarriage

17 replies

Ellisisland · 15/02/2014 14:33

Can someone help ? I need a hand hold / kick up the arse. Am currently having a miscarriage (was 10 weeks) but it's DS birthday on Monday and we have loads of family arriving tomorrow for a little party. I need to keep it together and get thro it without falling apart. Any tips ? Thanks

OP posts:

MostlyMama · 15/02/2014 14:35

Oh I am so sorry OP, I have been there myself as I MC'd a pregnancy at six weeks. It is important to look after yourself first and foremost. I think the best tip I have got from here, is fake it till you make it so for DS's party, paint a smile on but take frequent loo breaks where you can have a breather from it all and recompose yourself.

sebsmummy1 · 15/02/2014 14:39

Ellis. When you say you are currently miscarrying, do you mean you are coming to the end and bleeding in a period type way or at the beginning? Only reason I ask is if the physical side is controlled and manageable then agree with MM, fake it for the day and give yourself permission to fall about afterwards. If however you are at the beginning and could suddenly have a very heavy bleed I would be making contingency plans to not be there or else leave in a hurry.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I mced two weeks ago to the day, didn't even realise it was happening until the Monday when I started bleeding properly. I am devastated but coping xxxxx

Original poster

Ellisisland · 15/02/2014 14:59

Thanks for the replies

Am at the start of it so bleeding quite heavily but know it will get worse. Family is coming to our house so am hoping I can sneak off. No one knew except for out mums so DH is ringing his mum now to let her know so at least she will know why I am hiding

It's horrible isn't it? You know miscarriages are awful but this is worse than I can even imagine. Am off work next week at least.

OP posts:

peepingoutofhtetumbledrier · 15/02/2014 15:04

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is it a missed m/c only now starting to happen? Have you had it confirmed by a scan?

Be aware that if you're only at the start you may well bleed very very heavily and not be in any fit state to deal with a party.

I had a m/c at about that stage that I thought I could cope with through gritted teeth and with lots of pads but it was much more uncontrolled than I expected it to be - I bled so much, so fast, and I ended up in hospital and eventually had an ERPC. With hindsight I should have got someone home to be by my side right from the start.

Emotionally be very gentle with yourself - you don't need a kick up the arse, you need to nurture yourself, rest as much as possible and have a close friend or family member either look after you or take over the party preparation so your partner can look after you. Also cups of tea, rest, distracting TV, and a bedroom and bathroom off limits to guests that you can go into if it gets really awful.

I hope it turns out to be easier than that in the end, but please be prepared just in case?

sebsmummy1 · 15/02/2014 15:07

Ellis I agree with peeping. At 10 weeks I think you are going to get some cramping and possibly contractions. All I can advice is you take it hour by hour but if you start to get regular cramps you need to remove yourself.

Have you had a mc before?

healthyhippo · 15/02/2014 15:30

Poor you. Agree that you need to plan to have time to yourself as you may have quite a bit of bleeding and cramping to come. I had one at 9.5 weeks and our inlaws were staying. It was terrible trying to pretend everything was ok (we hadn't told them) eventually I just said I was going to bed with stomach cramps.

You need time to come to terms with things and time to yourself.

Much sympathy x

Original poster

Ellisisland · 15/02/2014 15:43

No I haven't had a miscarriage before. Not had it confirmed by a scan yet but have seen a doctor who said I am miscarrying due to the amount and heaviness of the blood. Got a scan on Monday morning to confirm. It's really heavy and painful at the moment.

DH has spoken to his mum as it's his lot that are mainly coming tomorrow. She has had miscarriages herself and has said that she will make sure that no one stays long ( they live about 2 hours away and are coming in one car) so hopefully I can get through it.

Been looking forward to DS birthday for ages and now this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellisisland · 15/02/2014 15:43

Thank you for all of the support x

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 15/02/2014 17:15

Oh Ellis I am so sorry

Obviously I hope the doctor is wrong and there is another explanation got the bleeding, that goes without saying xxxx

sebsmummy1 · 15/02/2014 17:15

For

Original poster

Ellisisland · 15/02/2014 17:26

Thanks Sebsmummy but it is very heavy, lots of cramping and a lot if tissue so there does seem to be no doubt. Thanks for the kind words it does help xx

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 15/02/2014 17:38

It's one of the saddest things I've been through but you will be ok. There are lots of mc support threads on here which are helping me at the moment. For me it wasn't so much the loss of the pregnancy itself as I was very early and there was never a hear beat, it was the loss of my hopes and dreams wrapped up in that pregnancy and that takes a little longer to heal unfortunately.

Sending you massive hand holding and remember what you are going through is a totally individual situation. I googled and googled and totally scared myself when actually the process for me was absolutely fine. So I implore you not to scare yourself with google and just listen to your body.

You may not get any cramping and just continue to bleed with clots. You may get some cramping that is painful so have some good strong painkillers to hand. If you do get regular cramping it is a sign that your body is likely to release a large amount of blood and/or tissue so try and stay close to the house.

Please keep posting if it helps, there a lots of people on here who have been where you are and come through the other side xxx

Original poster

Ellisisland · 16/02/2014 18:23

Well I made it through today and the visits. DS has been vomiting all day so have been busy looking after him and it cut the visit short.

You are right Sebsmummy it's all the plans we had which are now gone which keeps hitting me in the gut when I least expect it. Sorry you are going through this as well wouldn't wish this on anyone.

OP posts:

peepingoutofhtetumbledrier · 16/02/2014 19:07

Glad you're doing OK Ellis. Give yourself a good amount of recovery time if you can get extra help or time off work if you're working - keep looking after yourself.

sebsmummy1 · 17/02/2014 10:11

Ellis, just wanted to check in with how you're doing xx

Original poster

Ellisisland · 17/02/2014 10:21

Thanks Sebsmummy that's really nice of you.

Am doing ok. DS has had a stomach bug so have been distracted by vomit for the last few days! It's his 2nd birthday today so phoning to have a nice day have my mum and sister coming round later with his cousins. They know so ill be ok with them round.
Have a scan first thing tomorrow to check if everything's passed or if I'll need medication. Hoping that it's not more bad news.

Overall I'm ok but I think it's going to be something that comes and goes. Hope you are doing ok Sebsmummy?

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 17/02/2014 10:28

I'm ok thank you.

Really hope the scan tomorrow is positive for you. Goes without saying that I obviously hope there is another explanation for the bleeding but assuming it is indeed a mc then everything crossed it's complete and no medical management is needed.

Oh your poor son being ill on his birthday . Hopefully you can go somewhere lovely when he is feeling better xxx

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