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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

how can I not be annoyed?

10 replies

TinyTear · 16/12/2013 11:03

in my birth group (not MN) for my 22 months old daughter there are so many pregnancy announcements it's crazy... and everyone going on about how easy it was and how they fell pregnant straight away and others how anxious they are and how will they cope with two children

I don't want to leave the group, but fuck it, i jsut want to say that a powsitive test does NOT mean you will have a child in the end.

for fuck's sake, this group has seen a few miscarriages, late miscarriages and even a couple of still births, but some people are so insensitive wiht their comments...

i will be quiet there but just shout a bit here...

AHHHHHHRGHHH!!!

OP posts:

Pawprint · 16/12/2013 15:16

Ahhhhhhhgggghhhh! I hate this too! Having said that, I was equally naive (and, dare I say it, smug) before my first loss.

When I went to my first antenatal class with ds (after four miscarriages) everyone was asked what their hopes/fears were. Most said that they hoped to avoid a section, that they were concerned about the pain etc - all valid concerns. I said that, after four miscarriages, I was worried about losing the baby and hoping that everything would be ok.

You could have heard a pin drop. I don't think anyone else had experienced a loss, which surprised me a bit.

Original poster

TinyTear · 16/12/2013 15:24

I have left the group... probably temporarily as I don't want to lose the support network

(and I had 3 mc before my DD and 1 since)

OP posts:

Original poster

TinyTear · 16/12/2013 15:26

And thanks. At my antenatal class everyone was so focused on natural, natural natural, and when the midwife in the class was saying that 20% had c-sections but trying to dismiss it as inconsequencial me and my DH were the only ones saying so out of this group of 10, statistically 2 will have c-sections... she tried to go on, nooo it's actually rare...

and true enough 2 of us had EMCSs and I was one of them...

OP posts:

Pawprint · 16/12/2013 16:07

Good idea to step back from the group. I'm sorry about your losses, how sad

I know what you mean about the natural childbirth approach - alright for some, but no shame if it doesn't work out for others. I had emergency section as well.

dramajustfollowsme · 16/12/2013 16:25

I was the same at our antenatal class. They asked about our hopes. I said I hoped for a healthy baby, nothing more than that. Some went bright red.
I agree, just step away from the group for a while.

Original poster

TinyTear · 16/12/2013 21:29

Thanks. Shall do more MNing :-)

OP posts:

Hessy · 16/12/2013 23:16

I met with my NCT friends last weekend, two years after we met & were all pregnant with our first. Two of the group had just had their second; I had a mmc two months ago.

They all know about my miscarriage.

As I was cuddling one of the newborns two separate members separately asked me if I was broody and if I was planning a second? Seriously?! I smiled sweetly at the first remark and just thought - what a stupid fucking comment. But the next time I sort of said 'well duh'. Not very eloquent I admit! Incredulous that the horrific nature of my loss, how absolutely floored I have been by it, has completely passed them by. I was expecting awkwardness and possible embarrassment at showing off their lovely new babies. Instead, my miscarriage was utterly insignificant to them.

You can never really know the pain unless you've felt it yourself perhaps? But still, some fucking empathy people!!

Pawprint · 17/12/2013 03:58

Hessy - how thoughtless people are! I had a friend who seemed to ask me if I was broody each time I saw her after my miscarriages. Drove me nuts.

Original poster

TinyTear · 17/12/2013 06:51

hessy how thoughtless of them!

In my group there have been a few MCs and even someone who only found out at 20w and still someone just POAS and is posting about having anxiety about having two kids and how will she cope... Seriously? As far as I know you ditched contraception dearie... Shut the fuck up...

OP posts:

Bakingtins · 17/12/2013 07:35

hessy that's quite breathtakingly insensitive! I'm afraid that would have got a cutting reply from me, I think you were very restrained.

I think I was guilty of thinking a BFP=a baby before my first MC, it had not really entered my head that it might not. I hope I would never have been so insensitive to someone who had lost a baby though. In my NCT group of seven, four of us have had losses, one before I met her, and three of us trying for second or third children. I'm the only one who has had multiple losses but I think we've been through enough as a group that nobody would say something so crass. I hope!

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