MMC at 12 weeks

[Bezza2508]

I found out yesterday at my 12 week scan that the baby has died a few weeks ago. We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks so it has come as a shock and we are obviously devastated.

I think I am going to have the ERPC because I can't stand waiting for something to happen.

I was just wondering how long it took for people to feel something resembling normal after this and when you felt able to go back to work etc. At the moment I can't imagine being ready to go about everyday life. My DH's mum has suggested I should get back to normality and return to work as soon as possible following ERPC but I am the sort of person who wears my heart on my sleeve and I don't want to end up sobbing at my desk.

Any experience or advice would be gratefully received.

Hi.
Sad for you my lovely

Honestly, it takes as long as it takes. Everyone recovers differently.

Its a bereavement after all.Take as long as you need, dont put a time on it x

Thank you for replying. It was our first baby and so I just have no idea what to expect. I suspect I will be all over the place for some time.

We lost our little baby at 11 weeks back in January. Just be kind to yourself. After a week or so I was ok for going to the shops, doing the school run etc but at home I was very sad. I was physically fine by the way. Our baby would be due about now which brings another stage of grieving.

Allow yourself to have your own feelings, whatever they are. Nobody else is you, and nobody else was having your baby. Good luck with everything.

Sorry for your loss.

Happened to me a few years ago, first baby.

I found out on the Wednesday, had the op on Friday, moved house on the Saturday(!) and back to work Monday. I just wanted to get on with things. Felt physically fine after the op, just had some light bleeding.

Everyone feels differently though.

So sorry for your loss... Physically, you're fine as soon as the op is done. The emotional side is more difficult. You might find it easier to be surrounded by people rather than at home, all alone.
By all means, if people ask what's wrong, tell them. It validates your sense of loss and it allows the ones around you to be more understanding. If you keep it quiet, then it may become more unbearable, both for you and for the ones around you.

My gp advised I should have one or two days off after the Erpc to deal with the physical side, if you have the general anaesthetic then it takes a while to clear from your system and you'll still be bleeding (maybe heavily) for a while.

On the emotional side, it really varies how long it takes to feel better. My gp told me to take at least a week for grieving before going back to work and that she would sign me off for longer if I wanted.