Recurrent Miscarriage Testing, trials and tribulations...Part 7!

[squizita]

Hi all, carrying on from part 6. All kinicker-checkers, blood-testers, clinic-attenders and finger-crossers welcome. Nothing but love and crossed fingers...

We named our little boy Zane (arabic for beautiful). No one can deal with anything except me. My husband is not from the UK and has no understanding of the processes here. Have been inundated with offers of help from friends but just don't feel up to facing anyone yet. Also don't want to make it more difficult for hubby as he literally has no one else here except me and my mom.

We are handling the grief so differently. He just wants to get back to normal whereas I don't feel ready yet to face the world. Please don't think for a minute he hasn't been supportive its just he thinks that just sitting around is making it worse and work/normality will act as a distraction from constantly thinking about it.

It's difficult when you respond in opposite ways. You need to try to give the other person space to grieve as they see fit. I think in your shoes it would take a very long time to get back to anything approaching normality. I take it you are signed off sick for another few weeks anyway?
Lovely name you chose for him.

Dream, I didn't know that's what Zane meant, that is lovely. What did he look like?
Of course you can't work, you have just given birth and been bereaved a huge upheaval. Be kind to yourself.

It is hard when people grieve in different ways as Baking said. He is trying to be strong.

Dream, there is a bereaved mothers thread here if you wanted support from people who have been there.
please stay here too of course is it helps you.

Dreams, I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Zane. of course you are more than welcome to stay here and post and/or on the bereavement thread.

Hello and welcome Downstairs. I'm afraid that what you're experiencing is far from crazy - in fact, it's what most, if not all of us go through when we get pg again. One of the things we lose, besides our babies, is the innocence and happiness of early pregnancy But here is a great place for support and hand-holding.

Hello and welcome to you too, Pickle. Baking's post is very good - there are still so many unknowns with miscarriage, and as someone who has had two children variously interspersed with five mcs I find that non-consecutive recurrent miscarriers are particularly poorly researched and understood - which in a way I can understand, but in another is intensely frustrating. I second 'Coming to Term' - it's well-written and intelligent without being overly complex.

Dreams how terribly, awfully sad. Take care of yourself. Grieve as you see fit - glad you have friends and family, sure they'll understand you need to be aloneand will support you. :(

Downstairs hi. No you ddon't sound crazy at all - can 100% understand! Personally, I would visit the doc - but that's my way of dealing with the madness! I get medically paranoid! Best of luck with ttc.

I second both those books (or third?) Enormously useful. Emotionally and scientifically.

Lol just choked on my giant vitamins in a posh cafe. Stay classy! If my vit b sorts out and St Marys cure me, I bet I'll boak in all sorts of public places when pregnant. Be the only woman happy to puke and not poop for months!!

Hi downstairs. I don't think you can get the enjoyment back, unfortunately. It's an anxious time and I can identify with being worried you might be pregnant after BD in the window, and first reaction to 2 lines being "oh shit" After 2 early MC you do still have pretty good odds of it being ok next time, but if you're anything like me you want a cast-iron guarantee. Nice thread on the conception board for TTC after MC and sister thread for graduates on pregnancy board if you want hand holding.

BD in the fertile window, not the actual window

Whether you tell anyone is up to you, I've normally told the people I expect to be supportive if it all goes wrong but not the world in general. It's nice to have some people on here to chat to about it all.

Dreams sac is such a beautiful name. Men feel so useless and find it easier to be doing. Thinking of you. X

Zac

Baking, if I thought it would help, I would do it in the window... ;)

Thank you for the book reccomendations. I am getting in a state at the thought of trying again it is so true that we have lost the enjoyment of early pregnancy to worry and anxiety. I too will gladly puke anywhere and never moan about constipation if I am lucky enough to be able to do it just one more time.

Sorry for your troubles downstairs. I think your reaction is completely normal. You do lose the innocent assumption that it will all proceed as planned. As baking said thigh, the odds are in your favour.

Hi everyone, sorry I've been m.i.a. for a while, last few weeks have been pretty tough for DH but we seen to have turned a corner. Baking and Polka, I'm cautiously thrilled by your news and sending good vibes and best wishes to you. Dreams, I'm so deeply saddened to hear your story and am sorry for your loss. Hello to all the newbies and returning folks as well.
So in a sudden turn of events, we are about to hop on the IVF train. I had an appt at UCLH with an endocrinologist to chat about IUI and she said 'no, we won't be doing that. We need to do IVF.' Um....ok? Given my age (staring down the barrel of 40) the success rates for IVF are higher than IUI and I can get it funded by the NHS if we start the proceedings before that birthday. And, to continue the blunt delivery, 'you need to lose some weight'. Fair enough, but I was a bit gobsmacked at it all! So I've been diligently eating 1200 calories a day and I have lost a few lbs over this week. Small victories. Anyway, AF arrived today so I have to get the ultrasound done in days 2-5, then appts at RMC at RL and the at St Mary's over the next 3 weeks. What do I tell all of these folks? I feel like I should ask RLH to transfer my details to SM's just to take out one layer of complication. Have any of you been through IVF? My dearest friend from home did a few rounds so I do know I'll be a human pincushion for a while. If we get the all clear from the oncologist to TTC, do we try naturally all the while? Feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all- I burst into tears this week while washing the dishes.

LB good to hear from you and hope your DH is regaining his strength.
Has your DH had his sperm tested post treatment? Is there any chance you can still get pregnancy naturally or do you need to be using the banked stuff? Really good luck with it all but not surprised you are feeling a bit side-swiped - just off one medical merry-go-round and onto the next!

Downstairs I think we're a real mixture of being in the testing process (when you need to be not pregnant for a few months) trying again, in the very anxious early stages or a few graduates with nice healthy bumps. Hopefully you won't find yourself in the situation of qualifying for testing, but if you do it's mainly armfuls of blood they want, one measly tube from your DH, and possibly scans or imaging of the uterus. Some of the tests (mainly the genetic karyotyping) take quite a long time to come back, and for some of them you need to be hormonally settled after the most recent MC so you are probably looking at a 2-3m gap in TTC to get the testing completed. If you are unlucky enough to miscarry again, I'd push at the time to get the baby genetically tested - all the rest can be done months down the line, you only get that one chance to see if the baby had a chromosome problem or if there is something wrong with you that has meant a healthy baby has been lost.

Well on the plus side I think a blighted ovum nearly always means there was some chromosome problem so the egg was never able to develop past a few cells, and that is not something that's likely to happen over and over again. Stay positive.

Thanks Baking. How are you feeling these days? No sperm testing yet as he's only a week post-treatment. Chemo stopped before radiation so I should do some research into how long the drugs say in the system. He's so hopped up on painkillers now though if we were to conceive the child would likely be an addict already . We see the oncologist week after this one so I will ask for sure. But even if we got the go ahead I think it might be a while before DH will be up for any nookie!

Question about progesterone. I went for a day 21 progesterone test today as I spot for a week before each period (only since starting to try for our third). Does anyone know if I can just use pessaries from day 21 (I have loads left over) as my doc seems reticent to do this but I want to try something..... thanks all xx

ODB, I don't see why it would hurt.

I have a question of my own...
Am on cycle day 31, usual cycle 27ish days but I have had a couple of longer ones lately. Did an ovulation test on a hunch on day 17 and got a rather unemphatic positive. Negative preg test 2 days ago. Just done another 'early' test. Nothing at first, then was interrupted by ds1 needing bathroom so had to stuff it in bin and flee for a couple of mins. Went back and lo and behold, ghost of a line I Need To Know. Do I get a ridiculously pricey clearblue digital test (we only have chemists in this town atm, no drugstore, which makes preg tests even more of an expensive affair) or do I wait a couple of days and take heparin (I have some left over from last time) on the offchance? Reluctant to start with the aspirin in case I am pg but still implanting

What to do?

ODB progesterone pessaries from day 21 is Prof Q's protocol. You need to test on day 28 and stop if it's negative (continue if it's a BFP) to allow AF to happen. She didn't say, and I'm not aware of, any possible negative effects.

Picardy squeeee! So exciting. I think I would only take heparin from a definite BFP, but I would split the difference and test again tomorrow with whatever you can get your hands on. If you ovulated day 17/18 then you are only just 2 weeks post ov. Keep us posted!