Recurrent miscarriage testing and beyond.. Part 6.. Over here!

[orangebowl]

We have filled up the last thread so here is the next.. Deep breath and grit your teeth for the roller coaster of emotions that continues... Hope tea and butterfly and all find it!

Hoping it all goes well for you tomorrow school :-) I know it is so hard but try to be. positive it will be amazing if everything's ok.
I'm having a bit of a bad day today really feel like having a good cry, felt like this yesteday aswell but didn't help that we bumped in to in laws in the supermarket today (they are lovely by the way) and we passed the baby aisle and they were buying talc and other baby things for sil it was like a punch in the stomach, I think it just brought it home that we would be about 7 weeks away from having a baby (mc 2) and the fact that mil is excited for their baby but doesn't let on in front of me. She is absolutely entitled to be excited but I just wanted to run out and sob :-( x

Oh Butterfly that must be so hard for you. Those "irrational" feelings are all perfectly natural. I remember seeing a friends perfect 12 week scan and feeling so unbelievably jealous. Not that I didn't want it for them- I just wanted it for me too. I think those feelings are all normal. We will have good days and bad days. Just try and get through those bad days as best you can, that's all you can do. It will happen. We must all keep telling ourselves that or we would never cope I think. X

Butterfly so sorry you're having a rubbish few days. I felt exactly the same during the whole not pregnant/where's AF saga. Just felt so sad that everyone's pregnant and I should be massive now :( its so hard it really is. But you will have good days again soon when you'll feel much more positive about things. I feel so much calmer at the moment and less like I want to cry constantly but nothing's changed. So just hang on in there it will get better. And like school says it will happen for you. We have to believe that it will happen for all of us. Statistically I think we all still have a higher chance of having a baby than not. Anyway have a glass of and watch some rubbish tv and just think that next week will be a better week.

School I really feel for you as I hate those scans nerves. Just the worst! I actually have butterflies just thinking about it. Take some deep breaths and try to think that you've done all you can & can't change the outcome but chances are it will all be fab (although I always think the worst as my reasoning is that then I can only be pleasantly surprised!). I'm sure I've read that a good scan at 10 weeks means chances are 12 weeks will also be fine. Although I know that none of us have had much luck with statistics!!

Anyway what time is it tomorrow? Please let us know how you get on. I am crossing everything for you that it's all good news x

Thanks school I'm trying my hardest to keep telling myself it will happen and I've been doing ok and I'm quite relaxed about ttc but every now and again wham! it just hits me. I see my consultant in 2 weeks and I've got so much whizzing round in my head things I want to ask etc so maybe that's not helping. What a pile of shite this is x

Thanks tea. Im goig to google that 10 week stat now! It's at 10:30 tomorrow (if they're on time!).

DH just putting DS to bed then going to try and have some dinner and relax with some rubbish tv to distract me.

Will let you know soon as I can tomorrow. X

Thanks Tea I'm sure this bad day will pass and I'll be ok again soon. I'm glad you are feeling a bit calmer it's much easier to think rationally on the good days because on the bad days it gets so overwhelming, if I sit here and think about things much more I'll have a panic attack my stress levels are through the roof! I'm the least violent person you could know but I could injure somebody today lol. I think I just feel in limbo I feel like if I was taking something such as asprin we would be doing something positive instead of just trying again just for it to go wrong again because we've done nothing about it!
Sorry for ranting on about myself I just need to vent today so thanks for listening to me and I'll be positive for the rest of the night for schools sake! :-) xx

Butterfly I feel exactly the same!!! I am so up and down and on the verge of killing someone half the time. Also really wish we had something we could treat as I'd feel a bit more positive. I have no idea how I'd cope with another mc. Anyway not much help but completely know how you feel. Please rant/vent as much you like - just glad it's not always me being a psycho! Oh and my newest annoyance - fed up of spending a fortune on bloody new baby presents and thinking of nice things to write in the cards...can't even imagine how much I'd save if everyone would just bloody stop having babies!! Grrrrr

School please dont google on my account! Sure it alway spells disaster! Think I read it on threads about Mr Shehata and NK cells. I think people who saw him said that if he sees a good scan at 10 weeks you've pretty much made it. Obviously your situation is different and I might be talking rubbish. Anyway positive thoughts and lots of luck from me.

Honestly I've become so outspoken and grumpy the things I say to people these days you would think I had tourettes it's so not like me I think I'm just angry with life!! Yes totally know how you feel with the babies popping out left right and centre! It's lovely for those having them but I really want to write in the card just f**k off that is all. I want to be buying things for my newborn not everyone else!
I'm just off to rock in the corner......

If it makes you feel any better I am also bonkers. Currently googling ridiculous things like "chance of miscarriage after heartbeat seen at 10 weeks" and the like. Craziness!

I know you're in a bad mood but you did make me . Wish it was more socially acceptable to write 'great you've bad another baby'. Literally cannot muster up the enthusiasm to coo over them and discuss sleepless nights. I can't think about it all too deeply or I'd lose the plot totally. I completely get how you feel you're not alone. And there's always more !!

Had another baby....Freudian slip!

Glad I made you laugh :-) I should just laugh at myself really!

Oh school don't torture yourself you will only get yourself more worked up for tomorrow, try to do something to take your mind off it.

Let's all wear tie dye skirts and chant together ;-)

I stopped after posting as realised it was silly. (Thank you!)
Eating DSs little packs of chocolate buttons instead while watching DOI :)

Butterfly, I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you. The day after we got test results back after my 3 mcs my other half told me his sister had announced she's pregnant. Roll on couple of months and I'm listening to her telling her nephews how she'll be having their cousin. All I could think was, I was meant to be having their first cousin! It was such a blow to me. I put on a happy facade but I have to fight back my overwhelming jealousy because I really feel like everything family are saying and doing for her they would have been for me! It's something she and no one else who hasn't been there would understand, including my bf who just says 'it's not her fault, she didn't time it like that purpose'. But we all understand on here. It's really a shitty feeling.

School, really wishing you the best of luck tomorrow. I might have asked you this before, but have they said you should take aspirin and heparin for whole pregnancy? Just that my consultant said they would prescribe it until 3mths, but some women on here seem to take it throughout. Mine is for Factor V Leiden tho so might be different. I should prob just concentrate on getting pregnant anyway before worrying about it..!

Hi Guppie. Yes aspirin and heparin until 32 weeks (gulp at the thought of getting to 32 weeks!).
I have antiphospholipid syndrome so may be different but I don't know anything about Factor V so not sure. Have you read Lesley regans book? What does that say? I can check for you if you like?

Guppie, it's so hard isn't. I'm pleased I can come on here and chat to others who do know how it really feels, people can sympathise but they can never understand those feelings properly and if I tried to really explain what I was feeling and thinking they would think I was awful. It makes this sad situation a million times harder when somebody so close is pregnant it's hard enough with friends but at least you can distance yourself. I said to my dp sometimes I can see sil and it's ok and other times I just can't handle it it's harder now she has a big bump and I'm sure she wears tight clothes on purpose! We will just have to hang on to the hope that one day they will be doing them things for us and it will be magical, but for now it is totally shitty.

I haven't read Lesley Reagan's book, School. I have a book called Is Your Body Baby Friendly by Alan Beer and he says that all patients with inherited thrombophilia should inject until 34 wks. Difficult to know who to trust with my consultant saying 3mths as no proof it helps beyond that.. It would be great if you could see what it says in your book.

Thinking of you School x

All ok! Measured 12 weeks 5 days still in shock!

Fab news school!! So pleased for you :-) Hope you are able to relax a bit now, did you ask for a scan at 14 weeks or do you have to wait til 20 now? X

They've booked me in for a scan at 17 weeks, than the routine 20 week one. Given I'm almost 13 weeks now 17 wks doesn't feel too far away. I do feel lots better now definitely. X

Glad you feel better, that's good you will have another scan before 20 weeks just for reassurance 17 weeks will be here before you know it. Your good news has really cheered me up it gives the rest of us hope x

Yey that's amazing news!! You must feel so happy and relieved. The time will start to fly now. Are you telling people about the pregnancy now?

Wonderful news School, how do you feel?

Oh! I missed all the ranting abou tbeing fed up, damn it. I've been in bed with a cold all weekend and have just come to work the last few hours from home, but so far have only made myself a hot cholocate and hot water bottle and have sat down for a catch up on here . I am officially at least on the 2ww, for what it's worth, really don't feel like I had a proper chance this month. I know the ranting is over but a lot of what you all said resonated so much with me, seeing a perfect baby scan, etc. I'm jealous of people who haven't hd a mc. I'm jealous of their healthy,happy pregnancies, of how casual they seem. Saw my lovely, wonderful very good friend recently and could barely hold it together. It's like I've resigned myself to a spot of functional depression for the time being. I was at a thing a couple of weeks back and someone I hadn't seen for ages came up and actually patted my belly and raised an eyebrow as if to enquire about my pregnancy. I think I could happily be a hermit right now. Are you feeling any better Butterfly? Can you have a good cry? Sometimes it needs to come out.

Hi twenty feel free to rant away it's a shame you missed last night I was really on one haha! I think I feel a bit better today but it's my day off and I'm in the house on my own so I haven't spoken to a soul all day, who knows what would happen if I came in to contact with somebody!! Yes I could happily be a hermit too :) I haven't had a good cry yet but I probably need one I really had to stop the tears spilling over in the supermarket yesterday, sobbing in the veg aisle is not a good look! I need to watch a sad film I think.
We aren't "trying" but aren't preventing it either so I guess seeing as you mention it. I'm in the 2ww too. Does anybody get sore boobs from as early as cd18 ish? I normally have a 31 day cycle x