Well I can't believe I am sat here writing this, as I am doing it with great sadness, but if I help one other person in my situation feel like someone else has been where they are then it has done its job...
We had been trying for a baby for a year, being 24 and healthy i didn't think it would take more than a couple of months and have to admit that seeing the majority of my friends get pregnant straight away or within a few months, we really were starting to feel the strain...we found out 5 1/2 weeks ago that we are pregnant. I'll never forget my partners face when I emerged from the toilet clutching at a positive pregnancy test and told him he was going to be a daddy...
Within a couple of days of finding out I was pregnant, I started to have cramps, worse than period pains, like sharp stabbing pains that lasted a few seconds then disappeared...after speaking with my doctor it came apparent that these may have just been pregnancy pains\bedding in pains...Later that night I went to hospital due to the severity and was admitted onto the ward...I had blood tests which showed low ECG levels (625) and was told I'd have a scan first thing and that this may have been ectopic...I had the scan and all that was seen was a gestational sac (tiny) but was normal for the amount of weeks I was and the godsend was that it wasn't an ectopic...I then had another blood test 2 days later (got discharged from the ward) and my bloods had gone up to 1780...everything was going in the right direction but they still needed to scan me...
7 days later I had another scan which showed a sac which had grown significantly since the last scan...10 days later a scan which showed my precious bean, a larger sac and a yolk sac...no heartbeat...they couldn't discharge me until a HB was seen, things were still progressing and I was told it isn't unusual not to see a HB at early 6/7 weeks...
Monday just gone, 10 days later, I went for another scan...the sonographer said there was a bubble above the sac which wasn't there the week before which she thought was a bleed...my bean still wasn't showing a HB and the sac hadn't grown much...I then went back to the early preg unit and was told things aren't progressing as they should and there comes a time when things aren't looking positive and have to say all these scans aren't showing signs of a viable pregnancy...she asked me if I wanted to go home and wait for a MC, have an Op or have medical management for the miscarriage...I could barely breathe, let alone decide this...I couldn't believe it was only the same morning I was convinced I'd be discharged due to them finally seeing the HB, I was so mad with myself for allowing myself to get excited...
It's now 4 days later and I have only just decided to go for the op...I asked them to book me in next week so I have at least got the rest of this week to get my head round it and give it a chance to happen normally...I'm booked in for the op a week today...I have requested another scan early next week due to the fact I haven't bled through this pregnancy and I don't think id forgive myself if I didn't have another scan before I have the op...even though I have sort of accepted the fact this pregnancy isn't going to have a happy outcome...
I'm so scared to have the op, never had an op in my life...but I can't leave it longer than next Friday, its been 4 days so far and it's killing me...still feeling pregnant isn't helping either...
I don't know about trying again, feel as if I have been put off so to speak, I don't think I could do this to myself and my partner all over again...maybe I will feel differently once I can start to move forward...
Feel for all you ladies who are going through a miscarriage or have had a miscarriage in the past, it's the single worst thing I have ever experienced...