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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Had a scan today and found out I've had a missed miscarriage.

75 replies

cupcakes · 28/02/2006 15:38

I thought I was 12 weeks but apparently the baby died at about 6 weeks. It didn't look like a baby on the ultrasound which helps.
Am quite numb and in shock at the moment. Have decided to wait a week and see if nature takes it course and I miscarry properly. If not I have to go in next Tuesday and decide whether to take the pills or go straight for the operation.
Think I may be on the verge of bleeding as I feel very pre-periody.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupcakes · 28/02/2006 16:50

I really appreciate all your messages. Am feeling v up and down - one minute I'm looking after dd and ds and the next I'm in a corner with dh, crying.
I am pretty sure that I don't want to take the pills route to bring on the m/c. Will go for the erpc if it doesn't happen naturally.
I've had no experience with any of this before - all these terms and proceedures are completely new to me.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 28/02/2006 16:52

Oh Cupcakes, I am so sorry for you and your family. Take Care

macwoozy · 28/02/2006 16:53
Sad
SorenLorensen · 28/02/2006 16:54

Really sorry, cupcakes - it's horrible to go for a scan and get such dreadful news. I hope things progress naturally for you and you don't need an erpc. Be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of time - you will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a while yet Sad

choccywoccydoodaa · 28/02/2006 16:55

So sorry Sad

heavenis · 28/02/2006 16:57

So sorry, like others have said be kind to yourself and talk to dh as much as you need.

Nbg · 28/02/2006 16:58

So sorry Cupcakes Sad

I hope things just take their course naturally and quickly for you.

x

weewilliewinkie · 28/02/2006 17:21

so sorry, such bad news. Take care of yourself. No words can make this any better, but know that you're not alone. Posting on here may help you - it will certainly give you comfort as you see others' kind messages.

Sad
Original poster
cupcakes · 28/02/2006 19:14

Thank you. Am feeling really achey and periody now. Which is weird as I've not been given anything to encourage the m/c. Dh thinks that now I know my mind is subconsciously telling my body to let go.
Really hope it starts soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupcakes · 28/02/2006 19:19

www - I've just realised that I've been reading your thread. I hadn't posted on it yesterday as I was already getting worried that that was going to happen to me too.
Am so sorry for you. Your experience sounds awful. Thank you for your kind words at this difficult time.

OP posts:
CarlyP · 01/03/2006 06:52

sorry to hear of your loss cupcakes. im going through a similar thing. its been nearly 2 wks since i found out. time is a healer. things are slowly getting bewtter for me.

cx

Original poster
cupcakes · 01/03/2006 12:06

I think I have a heart of stone as I just feel numb. I am waiting for the real upset to hit me but it hasn't yet. I would feel more upset for a friend in this situation than I do for myself. Dh thinks it will hit me when the miscarriage actually completes.
Dh took the children to school and playgroup this morning and I just stayed in bed. Feel lethargic. A friend is picking ds up tonight as I don't really feel like talking to the other mums yet (dh told a few this am why I wasn't there).
Does it hit? I don't always want to feel this numbness about losing my baby. (I have cried a little, but it just feels so removed).

OP posts:
CarlyP · 01/03/2006 13:01

i have cried a little and thought alot. felt numb as you say. now jsut getting on with it. i dont know how i feel. i am obviously upset it happened, but im lucky enough to have my 2 boys which i tihnk helps. life has to go on. you will have your moments im sure. i think it will hit me more when/if we decide to ttc again.

cx

Boopert · 01/03/2006 13:04

Cupcakes, my heart goes out to you. Cry when you need to and give yourself time. xxxx

Original poster
cupcakes · 01/03/2006 13:06

Thanks, Carly. I've read some other posts of women in very similar siuations and they are so upset and I feel so bad for them. My problem is I'm saying all the platitudes to myself that other people seem to dislike (you've already got two healthy children, at least it didn't happen later etc) and finding relief from them. I know everybody deals with these things differently but I'm just surprised at my current detachment from the situation (this was a much wanted baby, by the way).
I think you're right, when we ttc again it may be very different.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupcakes · 01/03/2006 13:07

thank you boopert - I just feel slightly frozen. Don't know if I'm in shock or if this is how I'm always going to feel.

OP posts:
Piffle · 01/03/2006 13:08

cupcakes everyone is different when this happens - stick to whatever works for you poppet - I am pretty philosophical about it - sad but then I think well at least I got pregnant and I have 2 fabulous kids and a great life.
It helps, but if you have that urge for another, you really feel it. I find that the hardest thing, it really consumes me at times.
DP thinks I'm loopy.

Boopert · 01/03/2006 13:11

You will feel in shock for a while. Or at least i did.
But i'm now pg again and although ti can't replace my ds2 it has helped to ease the pain. I feel he is still with me.
Just take your time and talk about how you are feeling. Don't bottle it up. x

CarlyP · 01/03/2006 13:11

cupcakes, same here, i say those things and it helps. this was also a much wanted baby, one id convinced my h to try for since ds2 was born (1.5yrs ago). maybe im still numb. but i am sure when we ttc and i get preg again, ill find every twinge, spott, and symptom so hard to bear.

i think when this bleeding stops and i get back to normal and have my next period i will feel it more emotionally then.

jamiesam · 01/03/2006 13:13

So sorry to hear about your m/c cupcakes. You might well find that emotions will kick in long after you think. I had a m/c just before xmas and some of my worst times were in late Jan/early Feb. But I got lots of support from MN and I know you will too if you need it.

beansprout · 01/03/2006 13:27

So sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself x

GDG · 01/03/2006 13:28

So sorry to hear this cupcakes Sad. Take care of yourself.

prettybird · 01/03/2006 13:54

Cupcakes - just to reassure you, I also felt somewhat detatched from it - both times. I think my dh noticed more how upset I was than I did! I just sort of wrapped it up in a logical "these things will happen" parcel and appeared matter of fact to everyone who talked to me. The only time I really broke down last time was when I had my first scan - should have been 7 weeks but showed 5, so could have been "wrong" dates - but I knew. Thereafter, autopilot set in.

But just becasue you're not obviously upset doesn't mean you are not hurting. So please, do look after yourself. Feel whatever you are feeling. Don't try to feel more - but just allow yourself to be whatever you need to be at the moment.

JenJam · 01/03/2006 21:28

hi cupcakes. I feel for you. Hope things improve very soon

JanH · 01/03/2006 21:31

Oh, cupcakes - how awful - I'm very sorry. XXX