Holy mother of CRAP..this was defo NOT part of my plans...what the jeff do i do??

[nosleepwithworry]

I had my 7th mcs about 9 weeks ago (i think, i didnt write any dates down, have little memory of about 2 weeks during the time, due to the drugs i was pumped with)
In short, i dont know when it occurred.

Ive sought councelling because i have never talked about my mcs ever, to any one.(well, only to you lot )
Additionally, i am coming up 42, and thught that that was IT the end, no more, even went and got the pill.

Patiently waiting for my period so that i could start taking the damned thing.
No af as yet.
Feeling much better in myself, councelling really really helping, im on a healthy eating mission (thanks to myfitnesspal) doing really well.

Accepting everything, although the grief has been overwhelming at times .

So af still not here, so bought a cheepy test, thought that all pregnancy hrmones will now be gone...this far after mc....almost immediately a pink line came up.

We dtd only a couple of times..it normally took me up to 22 months to concieve so this has floored me...completely and totally. Do not know what the jeff i should do?????????
All calming words of wisdom very much appreciated....i know i know, theres no fool like an old fool..

Plum. I know, it's an odd one. But it's a very large plum.

Good luck for the midwife appointment today

And Wagon Wheels are definitely not as good as they used to be!!

i have just started to wear white knickers. In my fuddled anxious brain, black knickers wont show up bleeding as obviously as light coloured. I just cant face that, i just cant.

Today i am utterly convinced that my pregnancy has ended and that the bleeding will start over the next week or so.
I have had a drop in symptoms...this of course equates to miscarriage to us that have experienced multiple miscarriage.

Today is the worst yet, the most anxious i have been up till now. I have cancelled everything today.
I feel like i JUST want to keep going till Friday. Thats 12 weeks, i want to be able to say, i made it to 12 weeks. Even if its all ending, 12 weeks means such alot to me.
Im not even sure its worth going to the midwife today, but she can get me booked in for a scan to confirm sooner.
Im off work, and even though i can go to EPAU im embarrased to show my face there, they will be sick of seeing me.
What was i thinking? I AM a twat, im nearly fucking 42, why would i think that at this age i would grow a healthy baby when i havent been able to do it in my prime over the last 5 years.
I have been physically and mentally so well, now i feel 42, i feel distressed & old.

Oh please don't panic nosleep, you're bound to start feeling "better" (which in your case means worse) around this time anyway! With both my pregnancies I felt much less sick around the 12 week mark than I did earlier on! And I wouldn't worry about what they think of you at the EPAU, if it keeps you sane then go! And I'm sure they totally understand anyway.
Sending you lots of positive vibes, I'm sure baby is fine xxx

Like Jokat says, it's normal to start feeling better about now. It doesnt mean anything. Pop down to EPAU for some peace of mind. They see people in your situation every day. You aren't alOne.

nosleep you poor thing. This stress is horrible - but hopefully midwife can reassure you today and that will give you enough to go on until you get to the scan. I'd sneak in another trip to EPAU as well - totally understandable.

Just echoing what people have said. It is normal for symptoms to drop at 12 weeks, absolutely so.
Do not worry about EPAU or anyone else, your baby, you are in charge. If you want to trot down there when you feel worried, then just do it
Do whatever it takes to get you by and well

Just to echo what everyone else said - I felt sick from week 6 to week 12, then it just magically stopped. I think the ligament pains started then. Of course weird random stomach pains aren't going to cheer you up at first glance.

Big hugs from me! I lost the plot at 11.5 weeks, having kept going with the anxiety for so long.

If you can face a call/trip to EPU that might be best. My 12 week scan wasn't until 13+5, and you don't need any more stress by waiting in case it is later.

Sending you strength to get through the next wee while.

Xxxxx

Ok no sleep its totally understandable given what you've been through to feel like this but you have to pull yourself together ( I don't mean this in a bad or derogatory way) just that 1) your age is nothing to do with it now, like you said it didn't work when you were in your "prime" just like it doesn't for many people mc is a shit thing and can effect all ages 2) you are almost 12 wks, I think the highest age risk for mc is between 6-10 wks which dramatically drops if you've seen a healthy heart beat which you have!!! 3) you had a drop in symptoms before and it was fine, you are a few days of the second trimester which is the bit your surposed to feel better in
I personally wouldn't go to the epu just because you have a midwife app today and you can talk to her about your fears but she will tell you your being silly ( in the nicest possible way) and probably get you your 12 wk scan in the next few days anyway and even though I know its getting to 12 wks that's important to you right now after that you will be just as neurotic and just want to get to 20wks until you have your beautiful healthy little baby in your arms which WILL happen!!!
I think alot of people do the white knicker thing, I know I did!
I don't think the epu would turn you away etc but I presume that after 12wks they may say that they can no longer do it as you are out of the high risk section and you will have to find away of talking yourself round!
I hope you don't think this is the wrong thing of me to say I'm just trying to be logically but that said I've not suffered as much as you and can't begin to understand how it feels, for what it's worth I think you've been very brave and I'm sure the midwife will confirm you ARE fine x

Still keeping everything crossed for you and I don't think they will be sick of seeing you at EPAU, I'm sure they would much rather you go in for reassurance than not go in.

I think explain to the midwife how important it is to get to 12 wks and ask could they fit you in for your 12wk scan ASAP like a cancelation but on the Friday that way you will see your sticky bean playing away and it is 12 wks or a few days over, before hand it will still be the uncertainty!

Ok kittykats that was an arse kicking and a half

Just what i needed actually........

While i disagree about the "being silly" comment, i do absolutely get what you are saying and where you are coming from.

Only because usually, i am a very logical and sensible person...normally...usually!
Thsi is very unlike me to be such a loon.

These thoughts are absolutely overwhelming.
I would normally rant a bit at friends, but as they all have their own problems, im kinda on my own with this..and my loony thoughts in my loony head.
Just gotta crack on.

So, floors swept & mopped
wagon wheel break
dishwasher laoded
wagon wheel break
washing machine on
wagone wheel break
hoover coming out
gonna change the bedding..that should take me till 12ish, then nice bath and lunch, then midwife.....she's gonna wonder whats hit her with me isnt she?

Sorry no sleep
I didn't like the pull yourself together one either but I was struggeling to think of the right words!!
I was trying to do the virtual slap thing only because rather then go along with it may be bad news I wanted you to see its worry plain and simple and I'm sure it's all fine
It's what my mum does to me as believe me I need it to, I'm the biggest worrier of all and I know I sometimes need a hard hand
I hope you can see it wasn't ment in a nasty way just a mumsly shake x

Not at all!
Please!!!!

My friends would have said precisely what you said! Like i said...just what i needed
Should say thanks actually, oh and request a regular logical arse kicking because you and i both know...there are more loonytunes to come!

Oh and the symptoms may have died down but the cravings havnt I see
Hopefully I will join you on a loony ward soon and you can return the favour, I was bad before mc I hate to imagine myself after

I'll just add that I am wiping my brow with a woosh your ok with it,
You have alot of supporters ( me included) and I was waiting for the kitty bashing!!!

Naaa, no kitty bashing to be seen here girl!

oooh does this mean that you too are upduff? Or trying maybe?

Trying!!!! Trying very hard
Took 18+ months to get pg first time with dd, then because of that we decided to go without contraception after as bf and wanted another, got pg first time as soon as stoped bf dd9 months but sadly mc I had hoped after the time it took to get pg first time I was due a turn in luck, had one af since and due on or hopefully not this wkend
It's been a difficult wk with it would have been 20 wks scan and friend announcing pg etc but there are worse of then me too,
If I get pg too I will defo want to pay for an early scan, don't think my epu would let me unless I had a bleed and even though my mum said well you could say you had you should have seen my face as if we would do anything to jinx anything bad!!!!!!!!

awww you are due a change in luck!
I can sympathise, took me 22 months to get pregnant with my last mc.
Never used any contraception since having ds 9 years ago..took 3 years to get him! (and 2 mcs)

Thats why i am so at this pregnancy, didnt even have a period after mc. Normally takes me months.

Thats what makes this such a miracle.
Hoping that your af doesnt arrive at weekend...fingers crossed x

It certainly seems like a little Miracle bean doesn't it,I can understand after all you've been through my ride seems easy but even with a healthy dc ( ive told myself how lucky i am) the want for another particularly after mc just never goes does it, it's all encompassing! I dont know why some of us get felt the hand we get but I like to think its fate and after your story it sounds like she ( I think it's a girl as we are stronger ) was destined to be conceived against all odds she's clung on in!
I'm also not depressed about it taking me so long first time, we wouldn't have our lovely dd if she wasn't conceived with that egg at that time etc, I just hope she will be lucky enough to get a sibling at some point

Last note good luck with midwife- it's not long and after another few weeks you will be able to feel it, exciting!!!
and you can buy things to hear the heartbeat if your anything like me
If you need another shake just shout kitty I need a bashing x

Oh no, i never ever think of other peoples struggles as easy or less than mine. mc is mc, devastating if its 1st, 2nd, 3rd or however many.

The reason i went on and on is because i had that overwhelming all encompasing need for a second child. kept thinking "maybe next time".
That was my mantra.

Not brave, just driven i suppose.

I had all the tests for unexplained infertility, then had all the tests for re- occuring mc, all normal. Frustrating and depressing.

I am a big believer in the theory that everything happens for a reason, whatever has happened was meant to be...not fucking fair but meant to happen at that time.

Whatever happens to me, is meant to be, its been such a rush, roller coaster ride and a half.

I totally agree!

I hope everything is ok