miscarraige

[Kbear77]

Its been one week today since my miscarraige. Hubby and I reached 11weeks. I am so emotional, and I know that is normal. It just hurts so much.
I have two gorgeous boys aged 8 and 6. Perfectly trouble free pregnancies with both. We planned for this baby and wanted them so much. We gave them a name as we wanted to acknowledge this little being that we created with love and had grown to love in just knowing of their existance. I was worried something was wrong when I had a bit of bleeding, but nothing can prepare you for looking at the ultrasound screan and not seeing a little heartbeat. We knew what we were looking for before they verbally said it. I had two scans to confirm this. I didn't want to leave the hospital until they could do a d&c. I couldn't face going home and going through natures way. This is hard enough as it is. Hubby found the Mums on Pregnancy book at a shop and showed me. I couldnt put it down as I could relate to so many things and it was very comforting. We have both been reading through it. So now I'm exploring the site. I'd really love to have some advice and tips from others who have experienced the same thing. We were given a photo from the ultrasound and we cherish it. We searched for the perfect frame. We find this comforting. last night I wrote a poem too.
I know I am just rambling here. I'm just lost.

rubles,
so happy for you that the test came back negative and glad you are doing much better too. Can't believe the stupidity of the nurse...pretty insensitive really.
Yep, the only way is up. We may slip a little along the way, but no one will let us fall.
Good on you for getting away for the weekend, sounds wonderful.

• HUG *

Can I just clarify that Kbear (me) and Kbear77 are two different MNers.

Hope you don't mind.

for sure Kbear,
I'm definately different - Kbear77 NOT Kbear
Must say - good choice of name though eh?
K is my first initial, bear because I love bears and 77 the year I was born. Although being in Australia some may think that the K and the bear mean Koala bear. Hope that clarifies for you.

Having such a low day today, feel so miserable. I find it so hard to be happy and find something positive to focus on. I might generally be taking two steps forward and one step back, but today it feels more like two steps back. I worry about being a burden with my up and down emotions. How can I perk myself up? How can I find my true laughter again? How can I be happy?

I couldn't pass by without posting to a fellow Kbear! I'm so sorry for your loss, I have no experience of it and I can only imagine your pain. I hope you find some peace and laughter someday soon.

from the other Kbear!

Hi Kbear77, I am sorry you feel you have taken a step further back...you haven't, you are just going through an understandable dip in your recovery - did anything in particular trigger this? For what it's worth you sound very healthy to me - emotionally I mean - you sound very honest and open about it, not like you are locking it away and trying to forget about it, and you also sound like you have a lot of loving support. So everything is probably going as well as can be expected. Having said that, though, do you think you would benefit from another visit to your social worker?
I think we all get the feeling, though, that we 'should' be starting to be over it by now, that we can't 'still' be sad about it (as you said before), but there's no external timetable for these things - none whatsoever.
I don't think you can force yourself to perk up, you can't be perky if you don't feel it. My dp said to me that I should accept it's normal to still feel up and down, and just roll with the punches when they come - don't fight it, but to just do my best.

Take care luvvy - thinking of you xx

Going to see socail worker again this morning. I'm hardly crying anymore, but have the low moods for the most part. Despite saying that - feeling 'better' too if that makes any sense.
In some ways it feels that it was such a long time ago yet it was barely 6 weeks. After my super low day, the next morning I had to start work early and was up just after 5am whilst hubby and boys slept. Hubby left a loving note out for me which said "Hope is griefs best music" So I folded it up and kept in it my pocket all day. Sometimes I wonder if it ever really happened at all or if it was all just a bad dream. Do you get that?
Thanks Kbear
Nothing actually triggered me off that day rubles, just wasn't a good day. I think it was just compounded emotions again.
Thinking of you xx

Hi, can i just say reading thru these messages i wish i knew of this website 18months ago. I lost a little boy when i was 17 weeks pg. Am now pg again, 16 weeks and although i'm nervous the hosp are brilliant. They couldn't do more than they are, short of keeping me in for 9 months!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel, i already have a 3yo ds and although i miss my baby and think of him daily, i know he is out there watching over his big brother and new baby. All i can say is it gets better with time and i feel baby will always be with us in spirit. Keep looking forward and take each day as it comes.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Boopert, and please accept my heartfelt hugs sent your way for your own loss and pain. Since starting with Mumsnet, it certainly does help. The comfort, advise and support you feel just from reading other peoples posts is invaluable. You can really believe there's the sense of understanding here. Most days now I am pretty good and handling it well, and the last week especially I feel I have made more 'progess' a such. But I am aware and accept that there will be difficult moments, there always will be and I'm not ashamed of that because to deny my feelings would be to deny out little lost angel and how much we loved them. Yesterday I had to cancel a layby of maternity items. I had a little cry after But hubby was right there with me, held me and comforted me. He'd offered to cancel the layby for me, but I didn't have the docket on me and it was in my name.