Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

Just checking in with you all as not been on here for a few days. Hope everyone is doing ok, well as much as you can be, sounds like there are a lot of up and downs at the moment which I totally relate to, I can be feeling fine all day and then one little thing can suddenly just set me off.

Had to unfriend someone on Facebook the other day (bloke I used to work with, don't really see now) as he has smugly changed his profile picture to his baby scan picture and every time I go on it keeps coming up on my newsfeed and reminding me of the moment we found out our baby had no heartbeat at the scan. TBH, I'm sure he's not really smug, just proud, and I am being over-sensitive but felt so much better afterwards!

Still getting some deliveries of maternity clothes from Next that I bought in the sale just after Xmas but were on an extended leadtime. Going to keep a few bits now, feeling optimistic for later in the year! DH and I have also started TTC again, waited till 2 weeks after the ERPC but not waited for AF.

Thinking of you all and hoping the ups start outweighing the downs soon :)

blackcat glad you got the tests you wanted. Having experienced both a termination for abnormalities 'incompatible with life' and a mmc I can say that I think you are right - the mmc, whilst awful, has been easier to deal with.

davidsmom that's a good point about the 6 week scan - i hadn't thought of that. Having wait so long for confirmation really would make a bad situation a million times worse :(

blackcat and redbird loving the positive thinking - keep it up :)

Hi all, sorry to see names I recognise from Aug and Sept threads. I had second scan today after last week showing only 5mm/6wks when I know I should've been 9+4. Today still no heartbeat and half millimeter growth but all signs of missed miscarriage. After last week I expected this and feel ok, maybe more emotions will kick in at some point. Not sure whether to do things naturally, had 12wk scan booked for 20th, so thinking of waiting to see what happens over next few days. Might go to see doctor on Monday to discuss options.

Knew things weren't right as my boobs deflated back to normal size, not sore at all and sickness disappeared.

It's my birthday tomorrow, will be 37, won't forget this one in a hurry!

Oh Doritos, so so sorry you have had to join us. Will write more tomorrow. X

Dorita sry, stupid iPad!!!

Hi all, and sorry again to see Dorita and hercule on here.

Had my follow up scan yesterday and as with Dorita, no growth really so was confirmed as 'early foetal demise'.
So booked in for ERPC today and as hospital have confirmed they have a bed hopefully today should mean being able to draw a line at least under the practical elements of this, if nothing else.

Feeling relatively ok about it all, but may well feel different after today. Sending best wishes to those of you who are really going through it.

Thinking of you today ethel as you say, gets practical stuff over. I'm still not sure whether to wait for natural end or do what you're doing. Neither are nice are they...today's my birthday so am putting off decision and visit to women's hospital for advice until tomorrow. Hope all goes as it should for you today x

sorry for your loss dorita. I do remember your name from the August group. I am glad to hear though that you seem to do doing ok at the moment. I think how people cope with it really varies depending on numerous factors. Although i was devastated when i found out there was also a real sense of numbness. I feel better now the ERPC is done (i had a weeks wait which was awful) but I have a long way to go.
ethelred , all the best for your ERPC today.

I am cross today, cross i'm still testing positive (normal i know), cross i'm still bleeding (albeit really only when i wipe- again normal i know). Cross that by the time my period comes it will be 6 months on from when we started TTC, and i was fortunate in getting pregnant 2nd month we tried. Cross that i'm 44 next week. Uterus seems to have shifted back in place. Tummy back to its usual size, boobs back down again. Can stay up to my old normal bedtime. Really cross than until bleeding stops i shouldn't be having sex with DP, though we are being intimate in other ways which is nice but we want to try again so eager for that to stop. God i'm moaning. Back to work tomorrow - mixed feelings about that, part of me knows it will be a good distraction. I'll be back to doing OPK in the staff loos at lunchtime, something i was relived to see the back of.

oh and Happy birthday Dorita. Try to do something nice for yourself. I did read your post on your August thread and saw you said you had plenty of support, that's going to help.

Hi everyone. Dorita, I hope your birthday was OK and you at least managed to enjoy parts of it.

I'm struggling I think at the moment with the waiting bit... have another scan on Thursday so going to see what is going on then. Might opt for ERPC after that, but just don't know. I feel like I am losing so much time waiting that it is the same as losing time trying for next time, but in reality the most we will be talking is a couple of months. I keep feeling like I have known for such a long time, but in fact it is only just over two weeks.

Blackcats, I think you are allowed to feel cross - hopefully everything will start to move on soon...

Thanks Mrsherculepoirot and blackcatsdancing did manage birthday okay, weird one though. Feel much more positive today because I've been to hospital. They couldn't do much at weekend so I'm booked for a scan on Tuesday, though might get in on Monday if there's a cancellation. They do ERPCs on Thursday so I'm planning on going for that if nothing happens beforehand.

The main reason I've chosen that option is because the waiting is also doing my head in mrshp, just the not knowing when/if something might happen. I want to get the physical stuff over with. Feel I'm dealing okay with the emotional side (today!) as really haven't felt pregnant for so many weeks and to us, our little sprite has buzzed off waiting for the right time to come back, am currently trawling web for info on getting pregnant again.

I know it's one day at a time, am so glad of this thread and everyone on here, makes things easier when you can 'talk' to others who know what you're going through.

Sorry ladies for your loss . Having just had an erp I would recommend it . At least we can move on I did not want to wait for natural miscarriage,had been carrying dead baby for 6 weeks by the time I had my 12 weeks scan.
Still, takes more time to grieve for the loss of little ones;-)

blackcats I hope work was okay today. Still feeling cross? I don't blame you, must feel like you've gone through enough and things aren't getting back to normal quick enough! Sounds like they are getting there though and we should all take advantage of this fertility window I keep reading about as soon as they are back to normal.

Hi All

Sorry to hear we have some new ladies with us, makes me sad :( Was thinking this morning I should have been nearly 18 weeks pregnant by now :( and it is 5 weeks since ERPC and still no AF.
Had a nice relaxing holiday and came back to -13.5 temperatures in Luton on Friday night brrrrrrrr.
Bought some cheap Ovulation and pregnancy tests before I went as I wanted to have a drink on holiday but was a bit paranoid. So did a PT the night before I went and also last night (silly I know) and got PFN. Have also been testing daily for ovulation, for the last 12 days and nothing so don't really know what is going on :o(

sorry that should have been another :( at the end of my post !

Hi all, and Dorita, forgot to wish you happy birthday! Hope you did something nice!

Had ERPC yesterday aft. Was booked in on Friday, but they kept putting me back as they had emergencies coming into theatre, and then at about 830pm they decided to put me onto the Saturday surgery list. Despite the 36 hours in hospital, of which for the majority I was nil by mouth (arrggh) the procedure itself took about 45 mins from going up to theatre to coming round in recovery. Had some tummy ache last night, but that seems to have stopped, so now just some light/med bleeding really. Feel quite positive to have it all over with with minimal mess and upset really.

Hope you are all ok and thanks for your good wishes. Not something I hope to have to go through again, but feeling relatively positive and want to get back on TTC as soon as we both feel ready.

So sad to read that so many more ladies are joining this thread.

Heels glad your hols was good but must have been a shock landing in Luton with those temps!! I have just got my first AF this morning, it is immediately very very heavy & painful but glad I have it as was keen for my cycle to get back to normal. Hope you get yours soon Heels, or not if it means good news!!! Off to see my 6month old nephew today, a few cuddles with him are priceless & really help strangely. My girls adore him & that is lovely but also makes me bit sad as think how they'd be with a brother or sister!!

Hope everyone has a good Sunday! xx

TMI alert!!! Hi everyone, I think, that I might finally have started spotting slightly, a slightly rusty colour when I wipe, have popped a pad on and looked out my maternity pads at the ready just in case. It sounds awful, but I feel almost excited that finally the end might be near. I had thought that if nothing happened by Thursday's scan, then I would definitely go for the ERPC after that, so it would be nice having waited nearly three weeks if it did happen naturally for me.

Sry if TMI, but it isn't something I can really update my fb status with, so thought I could maybe share here...

Hey Hercule

I can imagine after you have been waiting so long that it is a relief. Fingers crossed that this is it, and that it is quick and pain free. Xxx

Fingers crossed for you Hurcule hope you are soon in a position to move on. Sending you

Hi Hercule Don't worry, I feel the same! Have been bleeding since last night and am also excited in a weird way, all just steps closer to this being over and to trying again.

Phoned hospital this morning and they've said to still go for the scan I'm booked for tomorrow. I hope they can tell me what's going on in there and if I need to or can have an ERPC - not sure if they can still do one to get it over with more quickly?

Have not really cried at all the last 2 days, felt pretty good considering, think because it's almost over..hope so and that some big emotional stick doesn't hit me later...! Went to see my 14 month old neice last night too loubloutin and few cuddles were lovely, even helped give her her bath and felt okay. All good signs.

Hope you're okay Hercule and we both get past this stage quickly

Thinking of you both MrsHercule & Dorita - hope you get some answers at your scan tom Dorita.

My period is so heavy & very painful, really feel totally washed out & have only had 2.5 weeks in between stopping bleeding from my m/c & AF, with a stinky cold in between so feel utterly crap!

Was lovely seeing my nephew & SIL was so sweet & very understanding. I'm very lucky that my family has been so supportive. Just wish I knew whether to TTC again or not. Still feel so scared about poss m/c again but my SIL said something very sensible last night. She said I will know when I'm ready if the fear of not TTC starts to outweigh the fear of MC again. It is so simple but true so will wait to see if the balance of fear shifts! Sorry waffling now.

I'm a big believer in following your instincts loubloutwin and what your SiL says makes sense to me. Thinking of you, hot water bottle and plenty of tea today! Xx

Yes loubloutwin that is good advice from your SIL. I know we definitely want to start TTC again, but will be really nervous about it if we get pg again. This is just not a situation you expect yourself to be in, but I have been really surprised at how many of us end up here...

That is good advice. Ethel I think you've explained it well - that you don't expect to be in this situation. I will be terrified next time (assuming there will be one) and certainly much more wary of telling people I think. I told too many people early this time, although I guess I would have told them all about mc anyway and seem to have told more and more people recently so maybe it doesn't matter!

I thought i'd imagined the spotting last night but actually definitely there is some today. I am pleased it is happening now and think I am mentally ready... We shall see though I guess!