Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

Apologies as posted this on another thread too. If you are reading both you might have seen it already.

Well, all gone. Confirmed by ultrasound.
Was in first thing, but in the main antenatal scanning area-don't know why as the early unit had scan facilities. They were all v nice but it didn't help having ultrasound pictures on the walls. Suspect they just wanted to have something to decorate the place & wouldn't have given them a thought if hadn't had a MC but they showed 3D pics from 6 weeks upwards with a little description of what could be seen. Thanks.

Unfortunately I now have a migraine . Often get them hormonal lay triggered and wonder if the change in Hormones might have been a factor. Just can't find my Sumatriptan as didn't think I'd be using it for a while. Went to buy some overpriced ones over the counter & nearly had a fight with the pharmacy assistant.

Seem to be either arsey or a complete sobbing wreck in response to anything even mildly complex at the moment. Sudden hormonal changes, stress and grief not a good combination. Apologies for self pity!

Off to have a lie down & hopefully a kip.

Hi,

Migraine gone thank goodness & feel a bit more human.

Feeling more positive today only 2 random crying episodes so far... Oh and the irrational annoyance at the pharmacy assistant who was being a bit officious but only doing her job but suppose not through today yet.

Even went for a quick jog this afternoon. Had been planning a sponsored 10k run at end Feb but was going 2 pull out as pregnant and started getting PGP. Of course just realised when out that I had run the route when 6 weeks & of course now convinced that's "what did it". Must stop torturing myself & accept won't know if anything in particular contributed but these thoughts keep popping up.

Thinking of everyone especially Blackcats, hope your ERCP went smoothly today.

Hi everyone, would it be OK for me to join this thread? I have read through all your posts and am so sorry for all your loses, but really wanted to thank you for posting as it has allowed me to understand much better my options and feel 'normal' about some of my emotions too.

I am technically 9 weeks tomorrow, but had an early scan at 7+5 because I am diabetic. They couldn't find a heartbeat and it was measuring way too small for dates (and my dates are pretty certain and regular). I had to go back again today (8+6) and still too small and still no heartbeat and they are certain (as I am) that I am miscarrying, but because there was a tiny bit of growth (apparently not uncommon in this situation) I have been booked to go back for another scan in two weeks time unless I start bleeding before then.

I know it is all over, I feel completely unpregnant and completely different from my first pregnancy, but I really am in limbo at the moment. Originally I was expecting them to officially say it was over today and then wait it out to see if my body naturally dealt with it. Now if nothing happens in two weeks I think I will opt for the ERPC as knowing for three weeks by then I think will be enough for me of waiting.

Davidsmom, glad to hear that you are feeling better. I think we all have those thoughts about what 'caused' it, even when we rationally know it is 'just one of those things'. Hope you continue to feel better along with everyone else.

Hi MrsHercule really sorry to hear about your situation & can empathise with the feeling of being in limbo. I had a week between scans which was so awful so can only imagine how you feel after waiting a week & have another two. Like you I knew my dates 100% & knew it was over but you still hold a tiny hope. Also you are still pregnant during this time so there is no way forward or back. Hope you have lots of support & I really hope that you get fantastic treatment from the hospital whatever route you go down. Such a sad time & I'm so so sorry again. Keep talking on here, it does help. xx

So sorry to hear your story Poirot. What torture you are going through! Mine was bad enough and it was all pretty straightforward. Even waiting a week would have done my head in. Another wait and for 2 weeks this time, thats awful.

I think my LO was on the way out anyway as was about 9 weeks from dates and it hadnt made it past 6 so perhaps thinks might naturally start for you?

I am feeling more positive today as the physical side has happened and as I mentioned am mentally "not pregnant". But think I've a long way for the emotional side to come together.

I was actually reading through this thread about a week before things happened as was so convinced that it was going wrong. Sounds a bit weird but it helped me a lot so if can be of any help please dont hesitate. Would be happy to "pay it back"

Did your previous pregnancy work out OK?

Thank you. Loublou, that is exactly how it feels no way forward and no way back.

davidsmom - yes my first pregnancy all went fine and I have a lovely DD who was two at the beginning of December. Definitely feels different this time.

MrsPoirot so sorry you are joining us but glad the thread has helped already, hope the next 2 weeks go quickly for you, the waiting can drive you mad.

Davidsmom glad to hear the medical management worked out ok for you & blackcats hope your ERPC went ok and you are getting some rest now.

It is nearly a month now since our scan when we found out the baby had no heartbeat & whilst I don't think it is something you ever fully get over, it has got a bit easier with time & I am starting to feel more positive. Initially i think it was so hard emotionally to deal with not just because of what had happened but from the shock of not seeing what we expected at the scan.

I have slowly been adjusting to the fact that we won't be having a DC this summer and it is still hard and little things can set me off but it has got easier each week so please new ladies, take your time and be kind to yourself. I have taken my time to go back to the gym and to feel like socialising but am now getting there & slowly getting my life back on track.

Mrs Hercule I definately felt this pregnancy was different as I hadnt had cramping before but as I've had 2 sections wondered if it was just scar tissue stretching.

I knew there was a high chance of losing LO due to my age but must admit as hadnt had a MC before and saw a heartbeat got a bit carried away and bought maternity clothes and even had a quick look at info on VBAC's, names, yes you name it I had wasted time a browsing the net about it. Feel so stupid as it hadnt made it by then....Now got to take clothes back. If they dont take them they may get the full wrath of the mood swings I'm having. Either Mrs hulk will appear or will end up a wailing wreck Think I'm usually reasonable stable

Thanks Redbird.

I was "lucky" to have had bleeding to warn me things werent going well. I dont know how I would have done with sudden bad news at a scan like you.

Glad to hear things get easier. I think "I'm doing OK" then suddenly think about silly things like I wont be having another child at DD's preschool now= upset. That I do really need to finally sort out all our baby stuff and hand it on/donate= upset.

This pregnancy was a surprise and to be honest I'm not sure how we got pregnant as thought we were being careful but I was delighted with our slip up and had been secretly hoping for one for the last few years. DH not so happy but came round. So this was most definately my last pregnancy which I am finding hard as was so excited. I am finding this thread very helpful as finding it difficult to talk to DH as I cant help thinking he isnt upset about our loss. He is upset that I am upset but think thats it. Doesnt help that we are bad communicators....

Poirot so sorry you find yourself here but glad our thread is helping. You must feel in complete limbo, life is so cruel sometimes.

What this thread is highlighting more and more is how doctors always think we have our dates wrong. I know they have to be careful but I am sure we all did a pregnancy test after our 1st missed period therefore we would know our dates. We all know our bodies and cycles. I know we were actively trying and on our 6 week scan I told the sonographer I was 5+6 which was spot on to measurement. Really hurts in these situations when we are sent away into limbo land.

Davidsmom glad you are feeling a little better, but very sad that this is so final for you. Your husband sounds a bit like mine, think he is more upset for me than anything else.
DH and I had huge rows after we lost LO, he wasn't keen on trying again, when I asked his reasons they really upset me. He basically said " I like my life now, DD is getting older and is able to communicate and will be out of nappies soon. She sleeps through and we get to go out everyweek, I think one child is right" This really hurt me as he was the one that said DD shouldn't be an only child and we had been actively trying for a year. It almost felt like he hadn't really wanted the one we lost.
I have screamed and cried and he has relented, he would never agree to anything he wasn't happy with though so I know he is happy that we try again.

Redbird glad you are feeling a little brighter, time is a great healer isn't it.
I am just sad now, rather than hurting iyswim ?
My first reaction was shock, not at all what I expected on the scan. My only worry was my nuchual fold test result, what happen was out of the blue.

My friend/colleage is going on maternity leave tomorrow and while I was chatting to her today baby moved (visably) she took my hand squeezed it and placed on her bump and I felt that reassuring little kick. I had a little tear but then went out and bought her a little gift at lunchtime. I had been meaning to for weeks but couldn't face it, but felt like it was closure for me.

Hi all, sorry again to see more lovely ladies on here :( it really is more common than I thought. At least 4 ladies at work have told me they have had one either recently or before their children. Doesn't make it any better but i suppose i can understand why.

Hope anyone having procedures today that all goes well and hope your all on your way to healing soon xx

Same here, scan yest due to bit of bleeding earlier in week thought i was about 8+5, but scan showed i was measuring far too small for dates and there was no heartbeat.as with several others,am sure of my dates, so not really holding out any hope. hercule and I have already been sharing on this as we are on the same postnatal thread with our 2year old DDs. So surprising how many people this happens to. Just feel sad about it all and nervous about what the next couple of weeks will bring. thinking of you all.

Hi everyone,
thanks for the kind thoughts. I had my ERPC yesterday morning around 10am. Discharge letter describes the procedure as 'uneventful'. I wasn't actually worried about it but good to know it was straightforward. They seem to do them first thing (they were 2 ,probably 3 of us - bit difficult not to overhear when all that separates you from next cubicle is a curtain.) I went in 2nd, first person was a young woman whose medical management hadn't worked out. I think that is a very good policy as I found being there hard, you are grieving and so are the fathers. One woman had her partner with her and they were both visibly upset, she was crying. I didn't want DP hanging around as I had no idea what time i'd be seen and i just find it easier to be alone at times so i went in a taxi and he collected me later. The nurses phoned him once i was in recovery as they knew it was going him a while to get there. I had lots of tea and some biscuits, they said i had to eat something and pee before they'd let me go. It was so good to see him afterwards, plus he was extra caring all day. First chance he's really had to take over the caring role .

Staff were lovely, very caring and sensitive. Pain today really isn't bad at all. So far i've taken no painkillers. Yesterday i took some of the Co-dydramol they gave me , (I've got lots left if i need them) and they give you a big painkiller at the same time as you have your GA. Bleeding also far less than what i was having before. Yesterday I was very groggy all day and slept an awful lot- something the nurse said it was best to do anyway. Also I am really, really happy that the remains are to be cremated. I asked the doctor how long until we could have sex, she said 2 weeks. I wasn't too happy with this answer so looked extensively on internet and hospitals all say different things. I found NHS clinical guidance just saying to wait until you have finished bleeding, which to me sounds better.

I feel a bit brighter, though did have a bit of a lump in my throat earlier when thinking about things but generally better. I suppose its the relief of not carrying around our dead baby anymore. Also DP and I had brief chat about trying again- he brought it up. We both want to but both are worried about sinking into depression if another MC occurs or if it takes a long time to conceive again. I guess we just have to look after ourselves and see how much we can cope with. I feel bad at letting him down- I know logically I haven't but he was so happy at me being pregnant (as was I).

I'm sorry to see new people on here. I will try to write some more later or tomorrow but needed to get down what happened to me yesterday first. I was told GA takes 48 hours to completely wear off so I'm taking it easy today but want to go out for walk now and see how that goes.

blackcat glad to hear that ERPC was "uneventful" I think that is the best you can hope for. You have not let anyone down, please don't think like that, although that is easier said than done I know. Just take each day as it comes and you will regain the strength to try again I am sure. The first thing I sad at the scan was "I don't think I can do this again" but with a few days of the ERPC it was different and trying again was my salvation.
I was told that as soon as bleeding had stopped we could have sex, but to wait one cycle before trying again (for dating purposes). We took the first piece of advise but not the 2nd.

Sorry you are going through this Ethelred. I dodnt know what I would have done if I'd had to wait knowing things werent working out. When I had bleeding and managed to get a private scan on the same day even I could see that it was all wrong and that nothing had developed from the initial 6 week scan to 9 weeks. Afraid to say I went home and drank a bottle of wine. Not a great way to deal with things I know but at least I knew for definate. The EPU just confirmed and sorted things out.

Blackcats- glad all went OK yesterday. I would have had to wait til today for an ERCP so at least got it over with before.

Not much bleeding now thankfully.

Well I took all the maternity clothes I had bought online in the Next Sale back to the shop today. Didnt have some reciepts and was trying to prepare for the worst & explain why I needed to return a LOAD of stuff. But I just said I didnt need it now & the guy behind the counter just got on with it. Was on the edge of tears as had to watch it all going back. Had tried it all on and had plans for different outfits etc. Affected me more than I thought. Then had to walk through all the baby stuff there. Dont know if that made me more sensitive but there were frankly new babies everywhere which got to me a bit.

But thats been the first time I've been out at the shops so far.

suppose was feeling so positive yesterday as everything was confirmed as over physically. Feeling quite flat today and sense of humour definately still missing. Was going to have a good clean out but just cant be bothered.

Havent actually talked to husband yet about the MC as cant get the words out. I also think as he wasnt keen on another LO he just doesnt get how sad I am. I feel old, tired and think I look 52 not 42 today.

Oh Davidsmom that must have been hard, returning the stuff but good that you weren't questionned about why as you say. I imagine there will be up days and down days and that over time down days will be less and up days will be more.

My dad, who is a doctor, has arranged for a friend (the consultant who delivered my daughter and is lovely) to see us tomorrow morning. She is going to scan me and should be able to make a decision one way or the other, talk me through our choices etc... DH has been fab and spoken to our private health insurance through his work and if I have the ERPC then they will cover that which means might help a bit.

Blackcat glad to hear it was 'uneventful' for you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

Hercule, that is good news. Hopefully it will mean you don't have to hang on even longer.

Davidsmom, hope things get easier for you. You were very brave to go into town. I just want to slope around in my dressing gown all day at the moment.

Really helps to know I'm not on my own, but also so sad for all of you going through it.

Hi everyone,
davidsmom that must have been really hard. I would have been fighting back tears for certain. Glad they didn't question it.
Mrshercule good to hear you won't have to wait such a ridiculous amount of time. I had a 2 day wait for a scan and a 7 day wait for the ERPC and it was hell.
ethelred are you waiting to be rescanned then?

I managed yesterday with 2 doses of paracetamol, was still pretty tired yesterday but went for a nice walk. Bleeding down to almost nothing . Going into town today to look at a pregnancy book that's been set aside for me. As I said on another thread this morning I'm slightly obsessed with finding that missing gem of information that will tell me what to do/not do in order to have a pregnancy that sticks. I know in my heart its an age thing/bad luck but it helps me to feel i have some sort of control.

Yeah being rescanned on Thursday. Sonographer kept asking me if I was sure on my dates but when you're TTC you generally know those things inside out. Really just want to get it sorted now.

Have to wear heel Must confess we also only listened to the first piece of advice not the second, and its only been 2 and half weeks since theprocedure! (admittedly did need two glasses of vino for dutch courage!) I just want to be pregnant again and everyone around me seems to be pregnant which doesn't bloody help!!

Good days and bad days, we need to realise sometimes we are not perfect and stop blaming ourselves, i guess thats something i have been trying to do however hard ;) x

Glad to hear you're all trying again as soon as possible, that is our plan of action too.

Went today to see the friend of my dad. She was brilliant and explained everything very factually and clearly about dates and sizes. Basically there is no fetal pole and so she reckons it stopped growing about 5-6 weeks. This ties in with how I felt in myself - I really wanted mustard (not usually a massive fan) quite a lot for two weeks, then suddenly had not interest it in any more about two weeks after finding out, which sounds weird, but makes sense to me. I've been a little teary today, but have fully accepted it is over. We are going to wait it out as that was our recommended course of action based on size, and still go back for that scan in two weeks to see what is happening. If it keeps growing, then we might eventually opt for ERPC, but will see how we go. She said it could take anything up to four weeks to happen naturally.

On the positive side she said it was all in the right place and so there sould be no problem in getting pregnant successfully in the future which was nice to hear. I have had a large sloe gin and we are getting a take away curry and it is snowing slightly here so am ready to start moving on a little tomorrow if that makes sense.

Shomes naughty isn't it, still I fell for DD 8 days from having an ectopic so I know how quickly it can happen so didn't want to wait a second longer than we had too.

*Poirot" so sad for you both. There is no rhyme or reason for these things and I am sure you will go and have a successful pregnancy. I know after I lost a tube from an actopic at 38 I thought it would never happen, we had also been trying for a year to conceive but as I say above fell straight away for DD. Take the time you need to heal both mentally and physically. Sending you [WINE]

try again Poirot sending you

Hi girls sorry things are tough for you recently joining us

well ladies i have had my first perod since losing my baby not sure how i felt about it but i guess i know its safe to try again. I desperately want another baby and although i am still grieving I know trying again is the right decision for me. hope you guys all feel emotionally stronger in the weeks to come xxx

bad day yesterday, can't stop wondering if there is anything i can do next time to prevent it happening again.
Feeling quite down so finding it hard to concentrate and my memory is awful right now. On plus side DP and I did get a chance to talk properly last night- he said he doesn't like to bring it up as he doesn't want to upset me, and to be honest I don't want it brought up all the time either. I think its partly hormonal, i seem to get close to tears for no real reason. Do hope i'm not slipping into depression (am prone to it).

Anyone know how long the hcg hormone stays in the system? I tested last night with some cheap amazon sticks and got strong line within seconds. I know i was testing way too early.

I think a couple of you said you were taking the advice to wait until bleeding has stopped but not wait for AF and that will be my approach too.

mrshercule i'm glad you got your scan and have started to sort things through. Its an awful thing to go through. Also reassuring that so much was positive, hope next time works out for you.