Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

It's been 5 weeks since my ERPC and I've not stopped bleeding! I had a scan today and it showed that there were no 'retained products' but a vessel in the uterus is still bleeding so I don't know what, if anything, happens about that. I'll have to call the GP once they have the results I guess. I'm pretty sure I had my 1st AF at the weekend but it was horrendous - I had to run out of Tesco mid-shop due to leakage.

Hi all

Hercule, hope today went ok. Dru, hope you can get that sorted out too soon...just what you need

My boss is such a nob. Was talking to him today about a couple of staffing issues innour team and offered to come back an extra day temporarily (work 3 days) and, not quite sure how this came up, but he said to me, oh well, you'll be pregnant again within 12 months so we'll have to plan that in.... I don't know what he was thinking if he thought he was being nice, but I was just gobsmacked. Then after I'd given in my fitness to work note, I had to fill in a bloody self cert form, why I have no idea, and had tick the pg related illness box! Briliant.

Other than that, feeling alright, still no AF or signs of ovulation, so will just keep waiting.

dru77 i think my bleeding has started up again! I do sympathise with you. I was told by staff at the EPU not to come in for a scan if i tested negative as there would be no retained products. I tested negative so didn't go for a scan and stopped bleeding for about 10 hours, only to start up with what I thought was my AF. This lasted 3 days and stopped yesterday morning, then at last some clear CM. Today bleeding again !! I finish my antibiotics tomorrow morning and am going back to see GP for thrush medicine (caused by anitbiotics- i was warned!). I was told bleeding can be caused by an infection which the meds would clear up or it might be something else. I'll see what this GP says about the something else, i have been told that i can take hormone treatment which will stop it. not sure again whats going on. fed up.

ethel your boss does sound a complete nob!

Oh God, what a crappy Monday, Dru77 and blackcats I hope you get sorted out soon, must be so frustrating, but once again proves how no-one is the same and there's no 'standard' way for things to happen....and ethel, what a nob! Maybe he thought he was being nice, sounds more like he's just completely tactless and speaks without thinking (not that that's an excuse)

I've been on my feet a lot today and my pelvis area/lower back is aching so much, not like period pain, just aching....nice hot bath tonight I think (no change there, I seem to get one every other day at the moment )

Blackcats - I wasn't offered antibiotics although the sonographer did ask today if I'd been taking any. I did a HPT on Saturday and it was -ve. I nearly cancelled the scan last week as I thought it was stopping but then on Tues or Weds evening I had a massive gush again.

I've thought it was over a few times and have stopped using sanitary stuff only to have a flood a few hours later so now I'm wondering when to believe it really has stopped!

dru that sounds awful, I do hope its all over soon.

mrs hope going back to work goes ok.

I'm feeling a bit more 'me' now, its been 2mnths since my erpc, luckily dp is sometimes very good and caring as I've had several family bereavements in the past 24mnths so I'm a bundle of emotions so can snap/cry at the drop of a hat.

Is everyone else planning to TTC again?

Blackcats, did you say you were told that the antibiotics would cause thrush? Because I was on them after the ERPC (doxcycillin?? I think) and have since had thrush (lovely.) so need to get that sorted before we start TTC again. Lovely.

ethel, yes when my GP prescribed them she warned me they frequently cause thrush- and sure enough they did . I looked at the medicine leaflet and it mentioned it also. I'm getting sorted out today. Its never ending isn't it?
mine were co-amoxiclav.

Hi All,

I was on this thread a few weeks back and just wanted to say a big thank you for the support then. (MMC at 9ish weeks, stopped growing at 6-7 weeks, medical management for those that dont know)

I didnt meant to stop posting but think I found it painful to come on this thread. Have been indulging myself recently including comfort eating big time and drinking quite a bit which sometimes helps but more often doesnt. Decided to get back on track weight wise and to cut out alcohol for at least a week. Fingers crossed!

I went back to work for a week after the MMC then had previously planned annual leave last week. Am back at work today (work Tue-Thur) and feel much better than when previously returned. I have had an emotional time of it and do still randomly burst into tears but am hurting a lot less. Even went to see a friends newborn and didnt want to take him home! And didnt cry. Though felt a bit tearful when driving there and back when thought about it.

I finally got the courage up to ask DH to actually discuss the MMC as we have had lots of hugs but we havent talked about it bizarrely and whether we could TTC (was accidental pregnancy, I was happy and wanted another but DH didnt. He accepted it though) but he just evaded answering anything about either subject and is away working abroad for the next 2 weeks. I realise now that we have bigger issues than another child and that if we cant communicate then there is no point in TTC. Possibly even no point in being together. So think thats upsetting me badly which may be a welcome distraction in a strange way .

I am pretty sure am ovulating again todayish as getting lots of EWCM which has been building up for the last 3-4 days. Started bleeding 4 weeks ago yesterday and passed pregnancy 4 weeks ago tomorrow. Negative pregnancy tests for about a week now. ( Info incase anyone finds other experiences helpful)

Take care of yourselves everyone and wishing those TTC or waiting to TTC all the luck in the world.

Sorry about the last post think am still a bit hormonal/ sad?.

Davidsmom so sorry you are having a tough time of things. Don't do anything drastic about your realationship as you are probably still emotional about everything. Let things settle down, I hope you can work things out with DH.

davidsmom things with me and my dp were rough after my mmc also, same situation, he wasn't too thrilled at the idea of another dc, we easily could have split up and both hardly spoke for 5wks roughly, I'm now 2mnths and a few weeks since my erpc now and were back on track and decided to ttc, which I never expected.

Take care x

Thanks guys,

HTWH- Probably a good thing that he's away for a few weeks as after working & looking after the kids by myself for a while I might actually be looking forward to seeing him by the 10th!!

State- Glad to hear things improved wwith your husband. But I only realised the other day that I havent actually discussed any element of the miscarriage with my DH apart from basic practicallities. He went to the clinic with me for both appointments and when I got upset he happily gave me a hug which is unusual (have to ask for one normally) but just wanted to see how he felt and whether it had changed his very adamant view on not TTC. It has made me realise how much we dont communicate and think we need to do something about it. Its good to know other people go through rough periods after MC although of course dont want people to have rough periods just to make me feel better

Must say that I know am ovulating at the moment and have noticed I get quite down round about that time in my cycle. Not sure if its a hormonal thing or psychological as in finally know my body well enough to know when to TTC but cant do anything about it!!

Davidsmom my other half is not emotional at all and it caused huge rows in our house when I had MMC. I just wish these men would open up at let us know how they are feeling, gawd knows I shout about it enough. DH didn;t even get emotional when DD was born which upset me a little and I joke that he doesn't have a heart, just a swinging brick lol.

A colleague/friend of mine called last week to say she had had a MMC (didn't even know she was pregnant) so I have been helping her out with information and a shoulder. She is having a doubley tough time though as the pregnancy was unplanned (she was happy about it though) and her DP does not want children. He was just coming round when she had MMC. Now she feels she has to review her whole relationship as she thinks DP was slightly relieved that she had a MC. She feels this was her only chance to have a child with him and if he doesn't come round she needs to leave. She is such a lovely girl and her heart is breaking for her lost baby and that her relationship might be over :(

davids I honestly could have written your last post, even down to the hug. I try and speak about it more now, but the impression I've gotten from my dp is he's scared ill get very upset etc so stays quiet. Dp even walked out on us, only for a day but in 7yrs we've never had that! Were good, and getting there slowly, and I wish you all the luck in the world for things to improve for you too.

haveto that's so sad for your friend :(

hi all,

I have been back at work for 2 weeks now since ERP. Glad to be busy, but finally got the courage to call doctor to cancel midwife appointment... i did pass them a letter from the hospital but they obviously don't pass on messages... ;-) was ok about it, just blurted out because I'm not pregnant anymore.... could not say more ;-(

I had bleeding for 2 weeks and it has now stopped... so TTC again when we can, I'm not waiting for the next cycle...
I have also started some activities to get rid of the weight gained ... Tested my first Zumba class last week, would recommend it ;-))
I'm ok, was slightly emotional after seeing one of my friend heavily pregnant... wishing i was still there... anyway, can not imagine being pregnant (and relaxed!) again at the moment....
Take care x

Hi everyone.

Davidsmon sorry you are having a tough time. I would second taking time to think about things. Would it help if you wrote down your feelings (like in a letter) and gave it to your DH as a starting point for talking? I've done that before with friends when I've really wanted to explain something/say something but know I'll either get upset or siderailed if I tried to just tell them in person if that makes sense. I hope that you can work things out and get to a happier place soon.

liny well done for calling, that sounds really difficult but I think you did amazingly well to say it.

Thanks for the wishes about my return to work yesterday. I had been worrying about it but DD, who has never been sick in her life, was sick 4/5 times in the night so we didn't really get much sleep before about 1.30 and then she woke up at 3.30 for a quick resettle as well! I couldn't take any more time off work but my parents luckily were able to look after her. Thought she was fine to go her cm today, just before we left she was sick on me, herself and our front room cue a frantic trip to my parents again where she was sick again in the car on the way there so I had to take out the car seat and leave it with my dad to clean (he offered bless him!). She finally ate a banana and a few spoonfuls of rice and seemed very perky this afternoon so fingers crossed for tomorrow!

All in all, my return to work was fine. I hadn't really worked out what to say if anyone asked where I was last week, so in the end I decided just to tell people the truth if they asked. Whilst it was a bit difficult I managed it without too many tears, just welled up a bit and the moved on again and I am quite pleased I told people I think. I got a bit teary today at times, what with the issues this morning, and today would have been my scan date (and of course was written in various places), however am feeling a bit better now and more in control.

Hi all,

an update on my bleeding, seems it was just a one off further episode of spotting after my AF stopped. I've had clear CM again for 2 days now. Not sure who mentioned they were still bleeding but do go and see GP if the bleeding continues for more than 2 weeks post ERPC, there are things they need to look into, an untreated infection could be potentially rather nasty. But I don't want to scare anyone either, GP said bleeding can take 8 weeks to stop by itself. If you don't fancy that they can give you hormones to stop it. EPU seemed to think bleeding for 2-3 weeks post ERPC was not that unusual.

i'm posting now on the over 40s board but will come back here i when i get another BFP- am being positive minded. Its been so helpful over the past month to write down on here how i feel and have support and not feel so alone. I do hope everyone who wants to try again has success in a healthy pregnancy and baby. For those with relationship problems, help is out there. Counselling is good, but if that's too expensive then books can be useful , I like the work of John Gottman and Sue Johnson. Both of them have information and articles online that you can find via google to see if you like their style. Thanks to all for the support over the past few weeks
xx

Good luck to you blackcats, am loving your positive outlook and can't wait to hear about your BFP!

Also so to hear about problems people are having with partners, blackcats advice sounds good and I hope you all find a way to cope with what you're going through.

I've been back at work for 2 days and all going okay. Amazing how many people have experienced the same, doesn't make you feel 'better' as such but it's nice to have the understanding. Also quite a few men whose wives have had a mc. All of these people have since had healthy babies

AF arrived this morning and is horrendous, never felf so bad.
At least thi is my last hurdle and I can now start to use OPK's again.

havetowearheels well you really did have to wait ages, bet you're relieved it has at last arrived, sorry its a bad one though. Hope it eases up a little, don't be brave, take plenty of pain killers and grab a hot water bottle.

i was/am defecting over the 40s + thread but still no respite for me. Bleeding again. Keeps stopping and starting. Saw yet another GP who examined my cervix, said it looked very healthy - a relief as i was wondering if i wasn't closed or healing properly post ERPC. She's taken swabs but i cant see it finding anything, she doubts it will as they were done not that long ago at the EPU and came back clear. She thinks it is most likely my hormones settling down. The hormone treatment to stop the bleeding doesn't actually regulate anything (she said , and she's a registrar so not very experienced but she is probably right) she said as soon as i stop taking them the bleeding will start again. So not much point for me as the bleeding is slight. She kept saying it was early days and not that long since the op, to me it seems months and months ago. I just wish i'd been a bit better prepared for this. I thought the ERPC would leave me with some bleeding for a few days then it would stop and i'd get my period in 4-6 weeks. I really didn't expect this non-stop bleeding/spotting for over 4 weeks now, then the time before the op makes it well over 5 weeks .

Found an american thread where several women had the same thing. They talked of seeing their gynos who probably have more experience than a GP does of these matters and apparently bleeding for 2 weeks post ERPC is normal and many women have sporadic bleeding for a full 6-8 weeks . They were cross as well, as their doctors kept saying all was well and it was normal, but as they said it isn't what we consider normal. I keep wondering also if its possible to ovulate when you have spotting or break through bleeding. Gosh this is waffly. Really really fed up and getting very depressed. GP asked if i wanted counselling, no i want my monthly cycles back, that will help.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Hello. Just looking for a bit of advice and support. I miscarried at 8 weeks at home last Sunday, and had an erpc on Tuesday. Having a down day today although I think bleeding has stopped which feels like progress. How long did it take others to get a negative test? Mine is still positive and am desperate for it to change. Would welcome any positive stories of others who tried again straight after and got pregnant quickly x

"onedayatatime" so sorry for your loss. I tested negative on the 20th day after my ERPC- counting the day of the op itself. Things can take a while to get back to normal. It does depend on how far along you were plus your own body's response. I was almost 12 weeks with a MMC , so probably one reason it took a while. One woman on this thread got pregnant before her first AF after her ERPC and i've heard of others who did also.

oneday oops not thinking i meant to bold you!