Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

[HaveToWearHeels]

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment :( What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

Thanks Ethel - feeling much better all round , just a bit weary.

dorita thinking of you today and hoping all goes smoothly.

Hi all,
i've been so busy, back at work and a home DIY project that's been keeping me occupied. Yesterday was my birthday so went for a day out which was good.
Sorry to hear some people have been kept waiting for their ERPCs. I think your hospital have it all set up wrong and i'd complain to see if they can change policy.
I was booked into day surgery, they don't see emergency cases so there is no chance of surgery being reschedued at the last minute. They told me when I was admitted at 7.30am exactly when i'd be done (2nd). All the ERPCS were done first, then came other routine gyno cases - mostly exploratory work. I was so upset and it really helped knowing i'd be going home by lunchtime.

Being busy means i don't have time to dwell but still have the odd sad/tearful thought. Still bleeding (mostly when i wipe), its like a thin brown discharge, turns pink after we've had intercourse as i guess the blood gets disturbed and moves out quicker, earlier it was more watery, a watery brown discharge , still testing positive last time i checked (thursday i think). Had terrible pains last week, wondered about seeing GP and have app for Tuesday ready in case i need it as am worried about the bleeding still. Now wondering if they were particularly bad ovulation pains as seem to have stopped and were around 2 weeks after ERPC. I do get OV pains, but these were something else- again i've read that can happen- the pain can be far worse after. I chart and have been doing so this month, really just out of interest. I can't use cervical mucus as info so its temperature alone, which according to fertility friend makes my ov on day 10 this month. I can't see that as being right, hormones are all over the place . Wed and thursday felt so angry and upset at still testing positive and not knowing what was going on in my body. I like charting, gives me a feeling on some control and i like the info it gives me on my body. Right now i haven't a clue whats going on. so anyway we are TTC again, did start before 2 weeks were up and if i we waited for bleeding to stop we'd still be waiting. Pretty certain i don't have an infection, temp normal, discarge smells normal, pains now gone, just still bleeding.
Gosh, must get ready or i'll be late for work!

Well, that was quite possibly the grossest experience of my life! How naive of me to think that teeny 2" piece of tissue on Thursday was it!

Went to hospital at 7am, due to emergencies I didn't go in to theatre until about 3:40pm (your hospital has much better system blackcats). From about 11:30 I started passing it all naturally, boy oh boy. After a few jelly like bits I told the nurse, who asked me to take a bedpan to the toilet so they could assess what I was passing. Spent next few hours going back and forth, and 6 bedpans later, and changing a pad every 10mins (and not quite making it to the toilet in time once or twice, had to rinse my slipper socks in the sink as I leaked on them) the nurse rang theatre to say I had to be next no matter what.

TMI alert, I can only describe the stuff as a mixture of raw liver and jam and it felt neverending. Theatre was fine, only in 5 minutes and then my boyf, mum and dad came and took me home about 8pm.

Turns out my blood group is O negative, so I had to have an injection in my bum before I left, need to read up on this a bit more but it's to help with future pregnancy.

So glad it's over, despite it being totally yukky, gross and horrible, I know we are all actually pretty lucky. The poor girl in the bed next to me had an eptopic pg in November and some fluid in her tubes that wasn't sorted properly. She was back in, with a potential normal and eptopic but they had to investigate as both her tubes were filled with fluid, she faced the propspect of losing them both. She doesn't have children yet either and I count myself lucky that I still have that chance. It just makes you realise (as someone else said) how common problems are.

So back home now and amusing myself at boyf having to go and buy me massive sanitary towels for the first time. Oh, another funny thing, I'd been to the library to grab some nice easy reading chick lit books and obviously hadn't paid attention to what I was picking, got to hospital to find I was reading a bloody Mills & Boon, just what you want in that situation, a shit sexy book!! Almost glad I had a banging headache all day that stopped me reading anyway!!

I hope everyone's feeling okay today, happy belated birthday blackcats

Dorita glad you are home - it really is gross as you say. I am glad for you that you were in hosp when the worst of it started tbh.

It isn't nice that you've all been through it too, but it helps to know it was 'normal' IYSWIM.

Blackcats, glad you've been busy and happy birthday for yesterday.

That sounds awful dorita. glad its over and you are back home. I really think its appalling to keep people in our situation waiting like that. Very distressing. I suppose being in hospital gives some reassurace (immediate medical help) and glad the nurse was on your case. I would complain, if enough people make a fuss hopefully they will change something. I actually sent them a thank you card as i was so pleased with the way everything was dealt with. Rhesus negative in pregnancy means you will have to have some anti-D injections to be on the safe side.I don't know much about it as am rheuus positive.
My bleeding afterward my ERPC was never bad and lasted maybe 3 days, it was worse before, but i used up a packet of maternity pads and then switched to regular ones. Today the bleeding has got worse again- more than just on wiping and bright pink/red. No sex yesterday but i did walk a lot not sure if the excerise did anything, I doubt it really as i've been walking to work and back. If it continues shall see if GP can arrange a scan as i'm getting concerned (probably don't need to be). Anyway still testing poisitve as of this morning 17th day.
Thanks hercule. It was a nice day.

Hope you are all feeling better after your ops, still have bad dreams about the whole thing some nights, although a glass of wine does help ;)

i meant the bleeding was worse before my op- was rushing to type in my lunch hour!
I wanted to add that i share with others concerns re weight. During my pregnancy i lost my sweet tooth- I ate ok and only put on about 1-2 pounds by 11.5 weeks. Now am comfort eating, lots of biscuits and cakes and was at upper range of what i consider acceptable for me when i fell pregnant so need to stop. My BMI is ok but i hate the way i look right now . Not sure how to tackle it but shall try.
Hope everyone is doing ok this weekend.

Hi All, hope everyone is doing ok. Hercule and Dorita glad the waiting is all over for you and you are now recovering. Happy Birthday for Friday blackcats. Share with you all the weight concerns, i craved carbs all the time when I was pregnant so put on weight quickly but since the ERPC have had no motivation to eat healthily or do much as much exercise as I used to.

Anyway, i may have some good news to share, just not sure yet whether to believe it or not. It has been 6 weeks since my ERPC op and no sign of AF, now the consultant did tell me it could take up to a couple of months for things to get back to normal but over the last couple of weeks have been experiencing some familar symptoms - achey heavy boobs, indigestion, tummy tightening etc so did pg test this morning which showed BFP! But I know you can test positive for a few weeks after a MC so not sure whether to believe it or not. It is feasible, DH and I started TTC again a couple of weeks after the op and know it can happen quickly so don't know whether i should be getting my hopes up or not. Will test again in a few days time....

redbird that sounds very promising! see if the line gets darker next time you test. After 6 weeks surely its a new pregnancy?? anyway fingers crossed for you.

Oh redbird I do hope so, that would be fabulous news! Not only for you but fabulously inspirational for us all too!

I just want to ask a question too, after mc how did you all feel? Not much detail on internet so just want to check I'm normal! I feel very bloated, stomach quite tender and I must sit down slowly as feels tender inside but kind of in bum area...also feel knackered. Am sure it's all normal but all I can find on internet is about the bleeding and emotional side of things. I did cry in Tesco earlier with sharp pain while in baby aisle (was buying iron tabs, just happened to be in same aisle) which turned out to be wind, then laughed loads outside when I got mixed up and called an egg sandwich a scrambled egg sandwich..am not usually very affected by hormones but think that's changed since the mc!

Oh Redbird That is fantastic. From previous experience I would say this is a new pregnancy. Such wonderful, happy news :)
After falling pregnant straight after an Ectopic, I tested after 7 weeks from the date of the op (after feeling sick) and it was BFP, got it confirmed by getting a blood test at the docs. Doctor said it was highly unlikely hormones would still be detected 7 weeks from loosing baby, but tested me (my doctor is fantastic, I love him). So looks like you have got straight back on that horse, from experience this is the biggest healer after loosing a baby.
Please keep us updated :)

dorita physically i felt very tired. My uterus was still larger than normal - now back to usual size, and I had some mild pains that I read someone else said their Gp said could be the pains of their uterus reducing size/ shifting back into position, that made sense to me. I had some sharp stabbing pains and also had to be careful when sitting down. I guess the uterus is very low down. Make sure you have plenty of rest , take care of yourself, and if you get worried consult your GP/ post on here.

i've been doing some research into first periods after ERPC. Most places say 4-6 weeks after, but i have found some NHS hospital leaflets where they say 2-6 weeks after and the American pregnancy association say 3-6 weeks after a miscarriage (depending on how regular you were before). My partner thinks i might be having a period (my bleeding has ramped up again) as am irritable, i've also been craving sweet stodge which is my usual trigger for knowing AF is on its way. Anyway just thought i'd share that it can quicker than 4 weeks. I also may be craving stodge as its my way of self medicating when feeling down and may be irritable due to constant bleeding !

Mine came 27 days after ERPC. I ovulated in between on about day 16.

Hi all ! Also still bleeding slightly after 2weeks. Have not try pregnancy test as it will upset me i think . Same issue with a belly still looking bigger than I normally am ! Hoping to go swimming as soon as bleeding stops. Intending to ttc ASAP can not see myself waiting a cycle ... Still thinking about how far I should be now and trying to move on ;-( travelling for work tomorrow so will stay busy ! Have a good start of week .

linyI keep thinking that too, would have been having 20 week scan on 27th Feb and would have been finding out the sex :(

Hi all,
Redbird, that does sound really promising! Fingers crossed for you.

Dorita, hope you're ok, does all sound really unpleasant. Hope the mills and boon gave you some light relief! just in terms if what you were saying about the bloatedness and the sharp pain in the bum area, I had the same, but didn't make any connection. Feel pretty good now, but do still feel quite tired. Doesn't help that DH has been ill and DD I think is teething, so really out of sorts, so all quite wearing really. Got big deadline at work this week, which is preying on my mind, si will be very glad to get that out of the way.

Bleeding seems to have definitely stopped, so just waiting for other signs of things getting back to normal now. Is hard not to think of what might have been though; would have been my 12week scan on Tuesday.

Hi everyone. Redbird that does sound promising - are you going to visit your GP to try and confirm, or wait and see a little bit longer?

liny, HaveToWearHeels and Ethelred - it is difficult sometimes isn't it. I was going through my calendar today and had to delete off it the 12 week scan which was booked for the 28th.

I also have some of those aches and pains so it was good to hear that they are 'normal'. I mostly just feel really tired at the moment, I think due to the blood loss. I am still bleeding, although of course only been 3 days, although it does seem to have got slightly heavier today.

I am not going to work this week (I only work Mon-Weds anyway and monday was an INSET day) but DD going to cm still so hopefully proper rest. I had e-mailed the few people at work I needed to to let the know and then got an unexpected, but lovely, e-mail from my headteacher (who knew the situation before half term) wishing me a speedy recovery and basically telling me not to worry about work etc... which was lovely, made me cry obviously, but made it easier to not go to work.

Hope everyone doesn't have stressful weeks!

Hi All, trying to catch up with everyone but only on my phone so sorry if I miss anyone or get things wrong!

Redbird got every possible thing crossed for you, we need some good news on this thread. Please let us know any more news?

Dorita how are you doing now, sounds like you really went through it. I was very bloated after m/c & had pains too so we all seem to have similar experiences. I am still very tired & this first period following m/c has wiped me out. Has been really heavy & lasted 7 days & was v v heavy for 4 days.

I am feeling exactly the same as some of you, those milestone dates are just ringing in my ears. My 16 week appt with midwife was booked for last Friday originally. I had loads marked on my calendar so I just had to get a new one as it was too much being constantly reminded.

Had a lovely half term with the girls despite stupid period rendering me a bit useless. Even though I am not sure if we will be TTC again, I find I still religiously take my folic acid every day! Hope you get lots of rest this week MrsHercule & start to feel bit better. Lots of love to everyone. Have a good week.

Hi all,
Thanks for all the inside info on post mc feelings makes sense that uterus is still big and with all the poking about with ERPC, maybe it's harder for food to get through intestine etc..though the bloating has been much less today.

I had a burst of energy today, felt fab and made some soup, then flopped on couch all afternoon and felt pooped, still do. Feel like an old person, feeling so tired after the exertion of making a pan of soup!!! I'm staying off all week too MrsHP I spoke to my boss today who said take as long as I need, said I'll be back next Monday. Going to make an appointment to see doctor, find out more about this rhesus negative blood thingy.

I'm taking my folic acid too loubloutwinmum! Sounds like your subconscious is voting for ttc again, have you had any more thoughts on it or just going to go with the flow?

Night everyone x

P.S. ethel I didn't even bother with the Mills and Boon, that's going back to the library tomorrow

Hi Dorita, how are you doing today? Hope you are managing to relax and put your feet up. I'm still petrified about TTC again and not sure if we will. You see this pg was a "surprise", our girls are just 9 and another baby wasn't on the cards. I am also a bit of an oldie at 37 BUT after the initial shock, we were thrilled. But having another baby would massively change our lives and our girls lives and I am not sure if I want another baby purely to try and make this sadness and hurt go away - it is a very confusing time. I just can't imagine feeling "OK" again without having another child but then I feel so guilty because I have two beautiful girls and I am so so lucky! This m/c was just so horrendous I fear another would send me over the edge! I don't know but will carry on with the folic acid until I know what way we are going to go. Are you going to be TTC again as soon as possible?

I am also Rhesus Negative so had to have the anti D injection again. Had it during my pregnancy with my DTD's and after I gave birth. Did you not realise you were rhesus negative until you m/c?

Hope you have a good day anyway and thinking of everyone else too. Lovely blue sky here today, makes everything seem more positive.

Hi Loubloutwinmum you've got a lot to think about, it's not easy is it? I believe in trusting your instincts, whatever they end up telling you!

I'm also an oldie at 37 (only just ) and will be ttc as it will be baby number 1 if we're lucky enough to get pregnant again. Only took us 5 months this time so I'm hoping it won't take too long again. Not sure whether to wait one cycle or not, part of me feels I should to make sure everything's back to normal, other part just wants to get on with it, no time to waste! Will ultimately depend on how we feel, and how I feel as still a bit bloaty etc...so can't imagine doing the business for a bit!

Just had some lovely flowers delivered from a good friend, and a dress I ordered from New Look, both cheered me up

Have a good day x

Oh..forgot last bit....I didn't realise my blood group no, bit mad really. I've given blood loads of times and it's never been mentioned. I've always thought I was O positive. I remember when I first gave blood years ago I got a printed card which I've since dug out and it does say O Rhesus D negative, I mustn't have been aware of it at the time (too busy going out getting drunk etc in my youth to pay attention to such things!!) Can't find my new blood credit type card but I've never noticed what's written on it. My Mum has never been told either, and has always thought I was O positive like her, though it turns out my Dad is negative. She said if she'd have been told she'd picked up on it as her friend was negative and had a really small baby 40yrs ago (which my mum reckons was due to a fall and placenta issue rather than blood but hey..)

Looks like now I've had the injection all will be okay, but going to mention to doc when I next go.

Hi all, finally saw a GP about my prolonged bleeding. First she said it could be an infection- she didn't ask about any temperature or smelly discharge , just said its best to treat it that way as first course of action. Then she said it could be- but far less likely , some retained products and asked if i wanted to be rescanned at EPU. Then she said if nothing shows on scan and i'm still bleeding that it will stop (nature will take its course) but it may take 8 weeks and if i don't want that (and i really don't) I can have some hormones to make the bleeding stop.

So, i'm on antibiotics and have appointment on Friday at EPU- i couldnt make the earliest day they offered- Thursday, but i spoke to the ward nurse and she said if I get a negative pregnancy test result i shouldn't come in. She said there will be nothing there to see. I actually did a pregnancy test today and at long last it was negative. So although i didnt tell her that, if its negative again tomorrow i will cancel and hope the bleeding finally stops. I was slightly emotional at finally seeing the line go, even though i've been angry at it still being there.

GP says its very likely i will get my period next week (i.e 4 weeks after ERPC), it surprised me she said that as the non-stop bleeding made me assume it would be delayed. Anyway i do hope she is right.

Also phoned and cancelled a consultant appointment re pregnancy, letter came yesterday, person on the phone asked if i'd miscarried, i managed to croak out yes, she then said she was very sorry , i really couldn't reply to her, she quickly moved on to to say thanks for ringing to let us know and i just managed an 'ok, bye'. I hope she knows i was upset and not being rude.
Its like a nightmare. Said to GP i just want to know what's going on in my body again and that not knowing is making things worse, feel i can't move on.
We want to try again immediately but the thought of going through this all over again is terrifying .