Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Following. Too sad to read anymore right now

Hi, I came across this by sheer chance. It's helping me somewhat. About 1915 yesterday I had a bleed following very closely by two quite big sized clots. The bleeding did not ease after that. Then about 2300 I passed more clots but did not see these, just felt them and the bleeding still hasn't eased. At the moment I'm only in slight pain but constantly on edge. I was 7 wks but the sac was showing as empty. I underwent a laparoscopy last week as the doctors feared ectopic. Thankfully unfounded.
It all came as a bit of a shock last night and I didn't stop crying for over an hour. I am on my own and pretty scared. People have mentioned passing the sac...how will I know when this has passed. I realise I am only 4hours into this but need advice. Please feel free to talk to me

Shellby260 I'm so very, very sorry you are going through this, I'm in the middle of the same thing just now and my heart goes out to you.

I had some cramping to begin with followed by a golfball sized clot which scared the life out of me (I retrieved everything I passed after that to check they were just clots). Once that happened I lined the loo with some paper each time I went and after several more large clots and heavier bleeding I felt a soft 'pop'. When I checked, there was a semi-translucent greyish sphere about an inch diameter on the top of the loo paper and this was the sac. Some women find the sac in a clot or attached to some tissue and some don't find it at all. From beginning with the pain to passing the sac, it was about 2 hours for me, which after 4 days of light bleeding and no pain was too much for me to handle all at once, despite me knowing deep down that's what was about to happen.

I cried pretty much all night and didn't sleep for the next 24 hours, the doctor gave me some 15/500mg co-codamol which has helped lots with the cramping (which is strangely worse now I've passed most of the clots and tissue). The bleeding for me comes and goes in intensity, the midwives said it could take 10 days to complete.

Is there a friend or family member who could come and stay with you? You need some emotional support to help you deal with this. Even to run some errands for you, get some supplies in for you?

My only advice (as everyone's experience is different) would be to drink plenty water to keep hydrated. I didn't feel like eating but had to have a little something now and then to stop my blood sugar from plummeting too far, no point in adding to the ongoing misery. I found small amounts of soup easiest and it's extra fluid for your system too.

I don't know if this has been any help, but please know you're not alone. I felt like I'd been wrapped in a blanket of darkness and was quite frankly, terrified.

Sending you lots of love xxx

Rocketgal247 thank you so much for your reply and likewise I am so so sorry you are having to experience this too.
I have literally been wrapped in a duvet. I managed to see my midwife today but sadly, and I already knew, there was nothing they could do.
I think I'm over the worst of it and just have to deal with heavy bleeding and cramps which like yours comes and goes in varying levels of intensity.
A few people have said to drink water and take iron vitamins so there must be some truth in that.
I too was scared to death by the clots, I only managed to see 2 out of the lot as it all happened so quickly so I don't know if I have passed the sac but from first to last it was about 12 hours. I need another scan on a couple of weeks when this has settled down to see.
You have helped massively as I also found tis petrifying. This link has been a godsend.
I feel like I've rambled but hope this makes sense
I hope you find it settles down soon and sending back lots of love xx

Shellby

Here to hold your hand. These boards helped me through my mc...more than I could ever have imagined.

Passing the sac is horrible. Some women don't realise, others do. I did. Afterwards I felt sad but relieved, and continued to pass large clots. Rocketgal describes the sac perfectly. I was quite strangely fascinated by mine but I was very glad I couldn't see what was inside it. If you don't think you want to see this, then it is ok not to look at what you pass. It's important to remember that.

Much love. X

Thank you fishslice. I think I'm going to be one if the ones who doesn't look. Just going to the toilet is frightening me because of what the clots feel like coming out.
I'm in the midst of painful cramps and bleeding the moment so dreading any more clots.
Thank you for your kind words

Xx

Sorry it's taken so long to reply, I had a complete computer meltdown earlier and it's taken all afternoon to fix. I guess it was a welcome distraction for a wee while.

Shellby260, I think the only way to deal with this heartbreaking experience is the way you feel is best for you, there's certainly no right and wrong, only what's right for you. I was like Fishslice and relieved to find the sac because it meant I could say goodbye, but I can totally understand not wanting to see it at all.
We chose to buy a Camelia and bury the wee one alongside where we planted it. It flowers every February so we'll have some beautiful lemon coloured blooms as a memorial. Some people might think it morbid or odd, but it was the first thing we thought to do and it felt right.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the intensity of the grief for losing someone I hadn't even met yet. I know hormones are going wild currently but my fiance has reacted in the same way, it's completely blindsided us. Truth be told I wasn't prepared for much as the hospital didn't even mention the possibility of m/c, just that 'some women bleed'. Thank goodness for everyone who's taken the time to post on this forum and kept me from going insane with worry or panic once I realised what was happening to me, I'll be forever grateful.

On a practical note, I've kept taking the 'mum to be' multivitamins for the iron content and I've eaten a little more today, seems the plainer the better. I've been wrapped in a fleecy blanket on the couch, watching dvds and napping when I need to. I'm steering clear of anything that will bring my mood down even a little (social media and the News) and am going to order some nice smellies as a bit of a pamper to me, just because I deserve it. I also refused visitors today and didn't feel guilty. Me first at the moment.

Like you, I have to go for a final scan to get the all clear and it's on the 13th (Friday the 13th of all days!!!!!!) so I hope after that I can start healing.

Lots of love and take care xxx

Hey rocketgal. I thinks it a lovely thing that you have done with the plant and your wee one.
Sounds like you are taking one out to look after yourself now too. This is great. Keep going x

Hi
I'm 28 hours in to my mc now and still passing clots and heavy bleeding. The hospital couldn't do my scan as they wanted to do an internal and I wasn't comfortable with that die to still bleeding a lot. I don't know when this is going to end. I'm tired and emotional, and now the pains have stepped up a gear.
I was sent home to basically ride the storm, so to speak. I keep reading this page and it keeps me going. I just wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel

I'm two and a half days in now and I feel exactly the same, I just want it over and done with. Had a brief panic last night that I was losing too much blood, but I had to take a step back and think about how much I'd really lost and I don't think it's anything like what the EPU or the midwives consider 'too much'. I feel drained though, like I've had 2 or 3 really heavy periods at the same time.

On Tuesday during the day I tried to ride out the cramps but it was useless and I ended up having a full dose of co-codamol every 4-5 hours. I didn't notice any clots but the bleeding was constant and heavy. The tablets made me really dozy and I napped on and off which I think helped a lot.

Wednesday morning I had cramps that had ramped up a few levels coming in waves in the morning and the bleeding got a bit heavier. By mid afternoon though the pain had almost gone and the bleeding was the same heaviness for the rest of the day. I think my emotions got the jump on me last night so I started imagining I was light headed etc, when in reality, I was just absolutely done, in body, mind and soul.

I've been up since 4am today after a few hours decent deep sleep for a change. The cramps haven't returned and (so far) the bleeding is a definitely lighter. I've got everything crossed this is a turning point.....but we'll see.

Hang in for another 24 hours Shellby260, be good to yourself and drink plenty. Take pain relief when you need it, keep eating what you can and sleep when you can (which is REALLY hard when your brain is in overdrive with worry, I know). It feels like an absolute eternity, but it won't last forever and we'll get through it.

Sending you hugs and much love, hope today is a better day for you x

Morning rocketgal, thank you again for your words.
I did manage to get a little sleep last night. Been dosed up on pills all day and briefly had no pin when I woke up today, but having to take pills again.
As sad as it is going through this, I absolutely admire your honesty and strength to help me through too. It must take a lot to talk/write about it.
Hopefully today will be the turning point for me.
I have everything crossed for you xxx you're doing amazingly, sending hugs xxx

Hi all, how do I know when I've passed the sac?
Monday night spotting started.
Tuesday morning heartbreaking 12 week scan. Baby passed at 6 weeks.
Wednesday bleeding like a regular period.
Thursday (today) heavy period. Just got up in the night for the loo and stood up afterwards to go back to bed and did a big cough and (sorry TMI) something literally fell out of me into the pad in my knickers.
I've rescued it because I don't want to flush anything of the foetus but I'm not sure what I saw! It's kind of a greyish gelatinous soft ball with a very thick red tail (?) attached. This tail part it as thick as the ball part is wide and then tapers off at the end where it is bright red. I don't really fancy investigating it.

Im hoping this is it and that's as bad as it's going to get. I've read a chunk of this thread and have been set up for agony and misery for weeks and stocked up on cocodomol and maternity pads!
Thanks in advance x

Hi Cherrylola, I'm really sorry you're going through this too.

By what you've described, it sounds like it's the sac you've passed. There was no 'tail' attached to mine, mine looked like it had torn off from where it had been attached.

My m/c started at 9pm on monday and today (friday) the bleeding is significantly less and the 'pain' is more like mild period cramp. I have my fingers crossed that you don't suffer too much.

Sending you love and hugs at this tough time x

Thank you Rocket, I'm so sorry you've had such bad pain. I've certainly been 'lucky' in so far that my pain and bleeding have been similar to a period and managed with Ibruprophen. I think the worst is over for me and I now just have light bleeding and mild cramping thank goodness.
Hoping it all settles down quickly for everyone going through this. It's been a whirlwind 4 days and I can't believe so much has changed in such a short time. It's mind blowing how differently a week can begin and end .

Hi cherrylola. I hope you are ok and sorry to hear you are having to experience this too.
I found this link helpful and rocketgal and fishslice have helped me massively despite them going through it too.

In am still passing large clots. Today I had one that was long and thick and quite solid with a lighter coloured thing at the end which wasn't a soft ball of greyish, it was flat and a lighter red but I think maybe the long thick part sounds like the tail you describe so I'm still not sure if I've passed the sac. I wasn't however expecting to be passing clots 4 days into my mc.
I'm a bit confused and upset as I thought I had turned a corner.
My pains have eased and so has the bleeding.

I just want to thank Rocketgal and fishslice for talking me through his and hope you are all doing ok.
Sending much love and thanks xx

Hello again ladies, hope you're feeling as well as can be hoped for considering what we're all going through.

I'm very cautiously going to say (and hope) that I think I'm over the worst of it. Much less bleeding this afternoon and the cramp just seemed to fade away as the day has gone on. I now feel like I could sleep for a month.....

Re clots, I had 2 days of lots of small clots before the m/c really started in earnest on monday, so maybe you've unfortunately had them all in one go Shellby260? I'm glad that this forum has helped, it's certainly helped me feel that I'm not alone and isolated in all this and it stopped me freaking out at everything that was happening.

I'm beginning to feel a bit more like me and my appetite is coming back as I insisted on ice cream and chocolate when the other half nipped to the shop...that's my emotional eating kicking in now I guess!

Take care ladies, I wish you all a speedy recovery from this physical onslaught. I guess our hearts will take a lot longer to heal, if ever.

Lots of love xxx

Hi shellby just wanted to PPP back and say what you describe does actually sound very similar to what I passed. It wasn't obviously grey at the time but certainly lighter in than a clot and lighter than the tail part. Sorry TMI but I've saved mine and am going to bury it later so briefly looked today and the blood has drained away from it leaving it greyer now, and it's not really a solid ball, it was just rounded at the time of passing. Sorry that is a really gross description but it does sound like our experience is very similar so perhaps you have passed the sac now. I physically feel a hundred times better since and my bleeding has reduced to a light period with no cramps xxx

Rocket I hope it's all over for you now. I hit the chocolate and red wine for a couple of days (I figure I needed all the serotonin and iron I could get!) but am now ready to get back to porridge and veggies xxx

Cherrylola. There's no such thing as TMI on sites like this.
I did feel a lot better but had a bad night last night (breaking into cold sweats and dizziness) and passed a lot of smaller clots this morning. I had a planned blood test today at the hospital so will speak to midwives tomo when I get the results. I feel for every 5 steps forward I go back 2.
But in general I feel a lot better.
By the sounds of it, we a
Have all turned the corner and I wish you, rocketgal and fishslice the vey best xxx

thank you to everyone who posted on this, it helped me so much with my miscarriage at 11 weeks and how to deal with the aftermath of medical management at home. With the info from this post I was able to get through it and knew what to expect (those leaflets the NHS provide just don't quite cut it!) It was one of the strangest experiences of my life picking the embryo out of the toilet - in the freezer now, not sure what to do with it....however i'm so glad i nicked a pair of latex gloves from the hospital for that purpose. big hugs to anyone else going through this xxx

Hello again ladies. I hit the wall on saturday and have done nothing but sleep all weekend, then started with headaches last night which I can't seem to shift. Has anyone else experienced this? I thought maybe stress catching up on me? Or could the hormone changes cause it? I haven't done any investigoogling on it yet as I'm far too tired and weary.

The chocolate and ice cream emotional eating didn't go down too well at all either...I just felt sick afterwards, so I can't even eat cr@p to pretend to make myself feel better....

I hope you're all doing ok, big loves to all x

Yes Rocket I had quite intense headaches for a few days. Paracetamol took the edge off tho and make sure you're well hydrated x

Hi rocket, I've done nothing but sleep. I think our bodies are now just telling us to rest up and don't push it. Like cherrylola said, keep hydrated. I've not manged to get my appetite back at all yet but I do keep drinking water.
Please take it easy, big hugs xx

Thanks for the reassurance ladies, it's much appreciated. The headache is just lingering in the background now, I've drunk about 2.5 litres today and it's definitely helping.

I was thinking of trying to do a bit more activity, but you're right, my body is telling me a big fat 'no' at the moment. I might try a couple of pilates stretches, they're quite relaxing (so relaxing I dozed off on the floor at the end of a class one time, lol). I'm not very good at sitting still at the minute which is most unlike me, brain seems to be going 24/7.

Thanks again ladies, take care of you xxx

Thanks for all the tips ladies. I'm currently on day 3 of bleeding but it's still very dark and sludgy and I've not passed anything significant. It's just like the first day of my period and hasn't gone any further than that...odd painful bout of cramp but nothing like my last mc which went to fresh red and painful really quickly. I'm confused as to why this is happening....when will the "main event" take place? I still need to do the school runs etc and an booked in to epau for a final scan tomorrow before my MVA on Friday. They still want me to attend to see what is going on but the half hour drive each way on my own is terrifying me.