Just can't believe this happened

[AngryBeaver]

On Friday I went for my first scan,I was 14 weeks. Was laughing and joking with dh and said to the sonographer "just let us know when you get the heartbeat!" and she shook her head.
I don't think I have ever felt such shock in my life. My world collapsed in on itself.
She told us that the baby had died week 8 or 9.
But I had had such severe morning sickness,up all night for wee's,backache,and even the bump.
I never imagined for one second that I had lost the baby.
I went into theatre crying and sobbing,woke up the same way asking for my baby.
I know this is a similar story to lots and lots of you.
But I am very lucky to already have 3 children. Although you would think that would make it easier,it doesn't. That was my precious baby whom I loved like my first.
I didn't mind puking my guts up am and pm as I consoled myself with the fact that this indicated a healthy pregnancy. I didn't know that wasn't true.
I am desperate to try again,but dh will need some convincing.
I feel I need to be pregnant again.
But even if he agrees and I get my periods back,as the doctor said,in about 3 weeks...I am wholly terrified that this will happen again.
Has anyone any experience of having 2/3 dc's no problem,then a mc...then a successfull pregnancy?

It's a shit time. No way round it. Just shit. Do whatever it takes to get through x

To answer the original question : I had two very straightforward, uneventful pregnancies - both unplanned - withex husband and was totally blasé about pregnancy and babies, in blissful ignorance. Years later, a much wanted and planned pregnancy with new partner, never ever been more happy and loved up and I then had a mmc at 16 weeks. Baby had died at 12 weeks just days after a scan and us announcing to the world. For me it helped that people knew as there was no way I'd have been able to keep it all inside. But that's what worked for me.

Since then, which was May 2008, I have had my fabulous son in May 2009 and am now 38+1 pregnant, and I can assure you that despite myself, I am cheerfully moaning about ALL my heavily pregnant in the heat symptoms :)

wishing you peace and happiness in your future. You'll get there x

AngryBeaver, so sorry you're going through this. Such a shock to the system. :(

I hesitate to say this but your DH might be viewing this loss as some kind of providence, even though he is still sad about it, which may be contributing to his reluctance to try again.

I have just had my 3rd MC in 2y - it started midway through my (early) dating scan, which was fun. :( But at least DH was there, and he got to know that there had been a gestational sac, even if it was now defunct. Less of a shock this time around but getting progressively harder to deal with, although DH is getting less blasé about them each time (thank goodness!).

I understand that you don't want a permanent reminder of the loss of your baby - but another MNer here suggested to me after my first MC that buying a small trinket might help. I now have 3 tiny crystal angels, one for each MC. They sit on my mantelpiece, but they aren't "in my face" at all - and it did help me to get each one. Entirely up to you of course - just saying what helped me.

I hope that you can sort something out with your DH and find a compromise that suits both of you to some extent - I can see your need to be pg again but perhaps give him a bit more time. There is also a minor risk of conceiving a multiple pregnancy straight after MC, so waiting a little while is usually recommended (3m is the usual wait period); although I'm too old to wait or care so usually crack straight on again, which is actually quite hard to do mentally. :(

UnMNy ((hug)) for you. x

Thank you all..it does help to read the replies.
Dh doesn't know I have started the thread and I don't like to talk about it in rl,so this helps.
Have just been for my first walk.Washed face,scraped hair up,put big sunglasses on and hoped wouldn't bump into anyone we knew.
Unfortunately,I met someone who had actually screamed two weeks ago when I told her I was pregnant..and she hadn't heard I'd lost the baby.
So that was pretty awful.
Then on the way back we met someone that knew, nothing was said but just before we left he put his hand on my shoulder and said "take care my love"
..and I was off.
But at least I got dressed and got out the house today