Thanks everyone x
We codenamed the baby pepper for the short time we knew and I had a craving for chillies s my partner tattooed a little chilli pepper on my hip on Sun night. I have to say, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my heart and I felt able to carry on again without crying all the time or feeling bitter. Not sure if that makes sense?
unpa1dcar3r - so sorry to hear about your daughters loss. I hope she was/is ok 
babysaurus I hope you are doing ok and I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I think the waiting involved is the hardest part. When I had to have my blood taken 48 hrs apart, I was bleeding heavily so I knew what was happening, but I was sat in a pub in Oxford St waiting for them to call me and tell me that I was in fact miscarrying and that my hormone levels were dropping. Lots of hugs and love xxx