How to manage missed miscarriage

[philbee]

I was scanned yesterday (12+1) after bleeding a bit in the morning, and they could only see an empty egg sac, about 8-9 weeks gestation size. It was all a bit of a shock, DH was away (back now) so not there to help with thinking about options, so i said i'd see how it progressed naturally.

I've stopped bleeding now, although I had some sharp abdominal pains in the night, so maybe it's starting again. But now i've been reading about how long it can take, and the pain, i think maybe i should go back and get the pill or erpc. I look after my nearly three yr old DD most days, and although family can help out a bit it won't be all the time for weeks and weeks, so I guess i just need it to be done as quickly as possible.

I know people on here seem to think the erpc is a good way to go. I'm worried about surgery unless it's really really necessary, and the nurse was careful to tell me all about risks etc. of it. But am i just being silly? Or should i try the pill first? I can't do anything until Monday anyway as they're closed at the weekend.

Hi sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC last November which was picked up after I started bleeding. I was sent home to let "nature take its course" but in the end had an ERPC.

My dates were similar to yours and there was a lot of blood etc so I wish I'd been offered the ERPC. in the end it was quick and I recovered quickly. Which was important as I have a young DS to look after!

Read up on it and have a chat with your DH then decide from there.

I'm very sorry to hear you lost your baby. I just mc too, and had to go to a couple of scans on my own too, and I do feel for you, it must have been awful to get the news on your own.

I had an ERPC on wednesday as an emergency. I have a proper phobia about medical procedures, especially anaesthetics, but I have to say it was fine. I was taken in about 9.30, came round about 10.10. No nausea afterwards, which was not the case when I had my gallbladder out years ago - I think the anaesthetic is quite light. I was allowed home about 3pm, only that late because I was really tired from a night in A&E and had lost a lot of blood before the op, so I asked to go back to bed for a bit before leaving!

I have heard that the medical management (pill) can fail, then an ERPC is needed anyway. My body did not succeed in naturally removing the baby either (it got stuck in my cervix, causing lots of bleeding), so no way of dealing with it is without risk. I think the ERPC does have the advantage of knowing when it will happen, when you are likely to go home etc, which is good if you have children already, as we do.

As Iggly said, have a look online (the miscarriage association has lots of information) and talk to DH before deciding.

Again, I'm very sorry this has happened. Take care of yourself, I hope once the physical side is over, that you will feel you can start to heal. I did find the burden of waiting very hard indeeed. xx

Thank you for your sympathy and advice. I think we will call on Monday and ask for the ERPC. Even waiting 24 hours has been hard, so i don't think i can face weeks of uncertainty and not being able to plan things, or know when i will need help. At least this way hopefully the physical bit will be over soon.

Hi Philbee - so sorry for your recent loss, its so hard and i cant imagine getting the news alone! yes i totally agree with CC

I found that having the ERPC was the way for me because i couldnt handle walking around with my baby in my belly as a constant reminder!

do what is right for you and your dh! hold on to each other for dealing with this type of loss is very hard indeed! had my op on the 22nd and still dealing day to day with the pain!

good luck to you and be kind to yourself healing takes time! xxxx

Because of changes when they did the rescan to confirm mine (they then found the - also lost - twin) it was getting on for 4 weeks by the time my missed (god I hate that term - sounds so trivial like you missed a bus or something) MC was confirmed finally. I hadn't even started to lose anything by then - I guess full marks to my body for trying to hang onto things when hope was lost - and things were showing no sign at all of getting moving... I needed to be out of the limbo hell where I wasn't able to plan anything where I might be away from the bathroom in case things kicked off - that was my logic in going for the ERPC.

I was pretty much demanding to discharge myself the second I came round from the anasthetic - I had a very real need to get out of there and never see the place again to be honest - think I finally managed to get the forms to sign to GTFO myself out of there against medical advice by about 10.30am (was bog all point in hanging around when I was fine and needed to be anywhere in the world but not there).

Having decided to go for ERPC I have been bleeding and cramping more yesterday and today, so they've said to see how it goes. I don't feel too distressed about the prospect because i know there's no baby in there to come out and for me to see, it's just stuff. But if things aren't moving on by Fri I'll go in and arrange the ERPC.

If there'd been a baby in there I'd have felt like you, Mama5, i think that would be very very hard. And also, like you, emptyshell, if they were waiting to confirm it, but that's not the case, it's clearly just not happened, so there's no doubt about the situation, or hope that things might be OK. We are doing alright today, my mum is here and DH will be around the rest of the week so we'll see how it goes. Thank you all again.