miscarriage at 20 weeks, advice please

[lemonsherbet]

Went for scan and there was no heartbeat. Everything seemed to be going well before this. Heart beat was nice and strong at 16 week check. Have been given the first tablet and need to go to labour ward where they will give me pessary and further tablets on Saturday. This is my second miscarriage. Had an ERPOC in October. My due date from that one is only 2 weeks away. Can you please advise what do I need to take with me to hospital? Please can you tell me some positive stories am starting to think will never have a living baby. Thanks

So sorry you're having to go through this :( I had one mc at 10 weeks in-between ds1 and 2. I was only 10 weeks though. Can't imagine how hard it must be for you.
Hopefully someone with more experience and advice will be along soon just wanted to acknowledge your post x

I had something similar happen to me. I am very sorry that it is happening to you.

I never went back for the pessary as my waters broke before the two days was up.

You will need;
something to wear while in labour (I took a nightie)
maternity pads
camera with spare batteries (in case you want to take some photos of your little one)
something to keep you busy maybe a book or some music?

Whilst in labour I found it useful to have the pethidine offered as it sort of numbed me a bit to what was happening.

My hospital had special bereavement rooms away from the rest of the labour ward which was good as the last thing I wanted to hear was crying babies. The bereavement midwife was also lovely and took photos for us and tried to take some hand and footprints for us.

You might want to think about afterwards. We were offered the option of a post mortem and also a simple funeral service organised by the hospital.

xxx

Is there anything you would like to know specifically?

Oh and I forgot to add I went on to have another baby and he is 2 years old next week.

Sending you massive hugs and heartfelt sympathies.
Am so sorry to hear your news.
I hope you are alright, and wishing you lots of embraces for a new pregnancy eventually that one day goes ok.
Its absolutely so horrible to lose a baby at 20 weeks.
I had terrible health problems with my 3rd baby , but not lost one.
Wishing you all the mumsnet support you deserve.

xxx xxx xxx xxx

Can I ask how long for the bleeding to stop afterwards? When did you go back to work?

I bled for about 2 weeks.

My milk came in and I was engorged for about 24 hours.

I took about 6 weeks off of work. If you have the sick certificate signed as pregnancy related you then don't have problems with taking too much sick leave. Pregnancy related absenses are treated differently than other sick leave.

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

My little girl was born alive at 20 weeks. It was everything like having a baby at a later date. I think I bled for about three weeks with some start/ stop for awhile after that. I fell straight back into a normal cycle after that. Of course it's going to be heavier than a normal period so you need maternity pads - maternity pants will help protect your clothes.

I would highly recommend photos, my daughter was perfect and we have pictures on display of her and I've even had them as avatars on forums and they've been published in the paper when I've told my story. The hospital should be able to do you prints of your baby's hands and feet.

We were offered a PM and we said no because she was born alive we felt that it was my body at fault, the hospital agreed with us and said that was their thoughts but had to ask. They did do their "post mortem" on me and that gave us the answers we needed so I was able to go on to have two more children and I'm carrying another that wouldn't have been possible if they hadn't tested me. Mid-T loss usually has a reason as the body will reject an unviable baby early on so if you have the option for tests it's certainly worth going for, ask them to test you for Antiphospholipid Syndrome, MN miscarriage campaign states every woman should be tested after a miscarriage. There is about 1/8 chance of having it if you've lost a baby and that goes up each time.

We also held a funeral for her at our home church and she's buried in a children's garden at the local cemetery. Which was good for us all I think.

Oh, cece reminded me, I was quietly slipped a pill to prevent my milk coming in. Ask before you are induced if they can arrange for it.

The hospital was very good and said they would take footprints for us. We have also agreed to a post mortem. I am hoping it may give us the answers we are looking for. They did warn me it may not. I have to go and buy maternity pads tomorrow. Did not think I would need them for a couple more months. Also think we will buy a blanket-they did say they would wrap the baby up for us and asked if we had bought anything that we wanted to use. It seems like one of the few things we can do for him/her.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Exact same thing happened to me. Fine at 16 week check but no heartbeat at 20. I think previous posts have covered what you'll need to take to hospital. I had a retained placenta which required surgery and an overnight stay in a side ward thank god.

It is so hard to go through but you will get through it. We opted for a post mortem but nothing came up. However a problem with the way my blood clots was discovered from simple blood tests and I have since had two very healthy babies. All that was needed was low dose asprin in pregnancy. So please try to stay positive even though it is so hard.

I took a month of work and felt Ok when I went back. My boss very kindly asked people not to talk to me about it unless I brought the subject up. I also took tablets to stop any milk - definitely ask.

I hope the process is as easy as possible for you. My thoughts are with you.

I just wanted to add that my baby was about the size of my hand.

Just wondered if anyone had any tips about sleeping.

Hi there, so sorry for your loss. We lost our first pregnancy at almost 20 weeks back in December. My experience was a bit different as it was a twin pregnancy and it was due to incompetent cervix issues (at least they are as sure as they can be that that was what it was). One thing I would say, my discharge lasted for about 6 weeks after the birth and I had to get 2 lots of antibiotics. At the 6 week check-up they found that a little bit of placenta was left so they had to do an ERPC to remove it. After that I had more discharge for about a week, one day of nothing and then my period came. So do watch out for discharge lasting for a while. My local surgery weren't interested and I had to push to even get the antibiotics.
You may find sleep takes a while and don't worry too much about this. It's grief and worry about what is coming up. I would recommend Herbal sleeping tablets, try a glass of milk. Getting up if you really can't sleep, watch TV or read for a hour and then go back to bed. Also spend some time with your baby. I wish I had spent more with mine. Your baby will be perfectly formed just really tiny. I was afraid of what I would see and it will be a perfect just very tiny baby. Sending you kindness. xx

Will I be able to tell if it is a boy or a girl? Midwife suggested we think of names. Just wanted to know if should pick unisex name

Hi Lemonsherbert following the birth I found it fairly easy to sleep as I had lost a lot of blood and was dosed up on morphine. Then I used to take cocodamol at night to knock me out for a couple of months - I didn't get addicted but it was the only thing that stopped me from staying awake all hours screaming and sobbing.

Depending when your baby actually died they can sometimes tell straight away or they can tell you the sex after the PM.

Lovely idea to take a blanket, wish I'd have thought of that. I bled quite a lot due to partial abruption and retained placenta which was manually removed so I needed huge hospital pants but kotex nightime was enough when I went home, and I only bled for about 3 weeks. Also took tablets to stop the milk but be warned they don't always work that well.

Retained placenta at this stage is very very common - it may be that you have to give birth to the baby and then have surgery to remove the placenta. Mine was luckily(?) manually removed but I remember the total shock after the birth of finding out I would possibly have to go through surgery as well. Why can't they do it all at once? Anyway I thought I would warn you as they didn't tell me until afterwards.

Remember you can ask for all the blood tests they would do for women who have had 3 early miscarriages because 2nd trimester miscarriage is not ' one of those things' - often it has a treatable cause (e.g. blood clotting).

Don't know if this helps or not but I was pregnant again 6 weeks later and that pregnancy worked.

Another question, can I have a bath afterwards. When I had my ERPOC in Oct they told me no baths only showers afterwards

It should be perfectly clear what sex the baby is. I delivered at 16+5, although the baby had passed some time between 12+6 and 14+1 (they think) and it was obvious that he was a little boy.

Consider that you can have an ultrasound at 16 weeks that, with the right view, will tell you the sex - if they can do it from the outside, I'm sure once your baby is born you will have your answer.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me before I went on to have 2 healthy DDs and 10 years on I am expecting again. At the time it felt like the end of the World, but it is not. I could tell the sex of my child and chose a name - even now they are not forgotten. The hospital did do a post mortem but as is often the case did not find a reason. I could shower afterwards and actually did a lot of sleeping but I think we all react differently to these situations. My thoughts are with you.

Dear Lemonsherbet,

I am saddened to hear of your sudden loss. I hope we can all be of comfort to you during this really difficult time. I delivered my baby last Thursday in the Gyne ward of our hospital at 18 weeks gestation. I have been told that late miscarriages at or after 20 weeks are dealt with in the Obstetrics ward, though by all the other women's accounts it sounds like exactly the same procedure.

My 19 / 20 week scan was due today and I know that if I had not had a little spotting on Easter sunday, been given a reassurance scan, and the consequences which followed (see: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1204536-In-land-of-the-numb-17-wk-baby-has-just-died-with-cystic-hygroma ) I would have not known about our baby's death until today :(

At the time of the birth I didn't want to know about our baby's gender as it felt too painful, although I think we could tell it would have been a girl. I just decided today upon been given details about it's group cremation service that I would like to know it's gender officially and fully name our baby. Ironically we had already chosen the name Hope for a girl.

I felt heartened to hear from Owlingate's experience of becoming pregnant again 6 weeks after her late loss. I have to anxiously wait 6 to 10 weeks for post mortem results, but I would really like to know what blood tests we could have done prior to waiting for this info (exactly how f*ed up am I?!!!). I would stubbornly like to ignore any medical analysis and just get on with our lives, falling pregnant if it happens and if it succeeds it does so without us monitoring it constantly or giving it tests to see how abnormal it might be.

Sleep wise I think the milk halting medication kept me awake for a couple of nights, and unfortunately last night bad dreams started to happen - all a normal part of grieving, or so I've read. I would recommend these books: www.amazon.co.uk/When-Baby-Dies-Experience-Miscarriage/dp/0415252768/ref=pd_ys_iyr_img?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1457ZIT6CJOCU&colid=3V413HJOENQ3G and www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0415924812/ref=ox_ya_os_product the second one I'm finding particularly helpful about loss.

Finally this online leaflet from the miscarriage association is clear and concise and as reassuring as it could be www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/downloads/Late%20miscarriage.pdf

I hope this can be of some help X X X

About the sex, it's not as easy to tell as you would think, but it's not hard. The genitals develop the same and at that stage they pretty much look alike - the clitoris on a girl is quite large and could be mistaken for a penis. It sounds so crude and I always hate saying it but the way to tell is count the holes, they're not fully formed yet they look like tiny dimples. The ultrasound looks at the internal things which are far more obvious than externally - if you have another one it may be worth asking if they can look.

cupoftea, waiting for answers is a good idea. I found out I have an autoimmune disease (Antiphospholipid Syndrome) and can't carry without Aspirin and Heparin. If I hadn't waited I could have lost my baby before they sorted out my medication - I was 5 weeks pregnant when I had the results and it took them until I was about 12 weeks to sort out, which was 6 months after my first baby was born.

Ive had 3 miscarriages and also have 3 daugters.

I had first miscarriage at 7 weeks then my 1st dd a year later. I then had my 2nd daughter 2.5yrs later. I had another miscarriage at 16 weeks. I had my 3rd dd who is 2 and another miscarriage when she was 7 months old.

Ive never had any investigation as to why i miscarried.

Thinking of youx

fifi, it's not too late, three isn't usually a coincidence. Something like Antiphospholipid Syndrome has a successful pregnancy rate (without medication) of just under 20%, it's the biggest cause of pregnancy complications yet you can carry with it. Obviously someone has to be successes with it. It's not just a pregnancy condition and having a diagnosis can be really important for the rest of your life. The same is true of other conditions but that's the one my experience lies in.

Following on from Sabine, my daughter was quite big for her age and she filled the head end of the coffin, we had a blanket and a teddy in there to fill up the space. If you imagine wrapping a Barbie doll in a baby blanket, that's what it was like. I made my daughter her clothes for the funeral, I made her a Medieval/ angel dress.

I am so sorry to hear about everyones losses. I bought a blanket because we have to be in the hospital tomorrow. I am not a very good knitter and did not think it would be any good. Our baby is meant to be 19+6. Do not think they will do another scan, so am hoping we will be able to tell if it was a he or a she. I think I am also freaking a little bit because this is my second missed miscarriage. Lost one at 8 weeks and now this one at 19+6. I have no children and feel like time is slipping away. Can not ever imagine being able to have a "normal" pregnancy. Went to GP for sick not and they wrote miscarriage. I know it is a miscarriage but when you say it it feels like a miscarriage is something that happens in the first couple of months not when you are meant to be half way through. Sorry I know I am rabbling.