WWYD ?

[LoveBeingAKnockedUp]

I had a mc at the end of Nov. I had taken a test the day before which was a faint line so assumed nothing (I know!), the next day I started bleeding and again just assumed it was the start of my period. It became very clear the following day that it was a mc.

5 days before this my father passed away. I was staying at my parents house and I was on my own with my mother making arrangements I decided it was better if I did not bother mum with it. So I kept it a secret from her, my dh was td when he got back from work. My brother and sil were very good for a few days.

Basically I got pg immediately and so far so good. However I haven't really to anyone, a couple of veryclose friends. Dh made me tell mum. But I feel very, well not sure what the rights words are but I don't want to tell people. I think the mc and my dad are all mixed up in my head and becoming pg again so quickly has mixed me up even more.

Anyway onto the point! Should I tell me about the mc? I didn't want to upset her and still don't but dh thinks it would help her to understand how I am feeling. I just don't know what to do for the best. She has commented today that she thinks I need more rest and it's been tough for me lately.

Wwyd?

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad :(. Having to deal with a MC is hard enough by itself, so with that as well no wonder you're feeling all a bit mixed up.

How far along are you now? Have you had the dating scan yet?

I had a MC and then conceived straight away - until I'd had the scan and seen a baby I didn't really let myself believe that it was real and I certainly didn't want to shout the news from the rooftops. Different people react in different ways - for me, having had all those hopes and dreams snatched away once, I found it hard to invest much emotion in the next pregnancy until I had more proof than a line on a stick.

What to do re. your mum is tricky. I haven't told my mum about my MCs - we just don't have that kind of relationship. So if it were me and my mum I'd probably keep schtum. But it sounds like you have a much more open relationship with your mum - and that if circumstances had been different you'd have confided in her at the time. If that is the case then I'd probably be inclined to tell her - from what you say she's worrying about you anyway, and she's quite possibly picked up on the fact you're keeping something back from her. Not wanting to upset her is laudable, but she's had a lot of years of caring about you and wanting to help you with your problems - why would this be any different?

Other factors aside, would you like to have this in the open with her?

Is there a possibility of her finding out from other people (might your brother let something slip)? Would she be more upset if you told her now or if she found out in a few months that you'd hidden it?

I don't think there's a right answer, but from what you write it does sound as though there are reasons why telling her might be a good move.

(As an aside, have you considered going for counseling with a psychotherapist experienced in dealing with grief? I know its not everyone's cup of tea, but I know a few people who find it helps them to get things straight in their heads when they're feeling a bit mixed up or overwhelmed with too many things going on in their lives. That might be completely irrelevant, so feel free to ignore.)

Fingers crossed this pregnancy is healthy and as happy as it can be for you - and that you can find some peace :)