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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

8th miscarriage

20 replies

minmooch · 02/02/2011 23:15

After seeing a heartbeat last week my dh and I were begining to feel a little hope. We had had 7 miscarriages and lost our twin daughters in September 2008 due to IUGR and TTTS.

Tonight no heartbeat Sad and D&C scheduled for Friday.

Too much hope followed by too much sadness.

I feel like I am the bad luck story that everyone dreads to be.

OP posts:
milkyway2007 · 02/02/2011 23:23

I am so so sorry :( I hope you are okay.

I dont know what to say to you, other than be strong, and I hope you and your DH get through this tough time.
Loss is a terrible thing, and it gets harder each time.

Have you had any tests done at all to see what might be causing the recurrent miscarriages?

MummyAbroad · 03/02/2011 01:30

my heart goes out to you, that just sound like too much pain to happen to one person. Have you been in touch with the miscarriage association for counselling? No one should have to deal with something like this on their own. I so hope you are getting lots of support in RL.

xxxxxxx

Original poster
minmooch · 03/02/2011 07:40

I have had every test going - nothing comes up. Have had the most amazing support from private consultant. All to no avail.

My husband will never know the joy of holding his own live child.

Only the pain of holding our dead daughters.

And the disappointment of miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage.

I have faild my husband and all our babies.

Sad
OP posts:
mumatron · 03/02/2011 09:14

you have not failed. i know it feels that way but you most certainly have not failed anyone.

have you thought about counselling? are you able to speak to your dh about how you are feeling? do you have support in rl?

life is really shit sometimes, stay strong and i hope things work out for you in the future.

SameOldJollster · 03/02/2011 09:41

I'm so sorry :(

Have no useful advice. But I couldn't ignore your post. Can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. But to echo mumatron you have not failed.

AxisofEvil · 03/02/2011 09:48

I am so sorry. I have lost twins myself due to TTTS so can understand how that part feels. As others have said, you haven't let them down although I know myself it is harder to believe than to say.

caz1323 · 03/02/2011 12:00

Hi again, I am so so sorry to have just read your news and as you know I am going through the same as you. I thought it was hard enough having the 1st, 2nd and 3rd mc and now on my 7th it just gets harder and harder. Like you i have felt I have completely failed my partner and our unborn babies, I have completely blamed myself and thought what if I had done this or that differently would any of my babies be here now! The fact is even if I had of done anything differently my babies would still not be here. It makes me so angry when you hear of certain people who do really bad things when pregnant like drink 2 bottles of wine a night every night smoke heavily and take drugs whilst being pregnant and then still go on to have a healthy baby and then there are people who do everything by the book to try and make sure our babies are ok. The fact is life is a complete bitch and lots of bad things happen to very good people. There is nothing you could have done to save any of your babies and please do not blame yourself as none of it has been your fault. I can't even say time is a healer because I know from personal experience that yes in time you get over it but you never forget any of those pregnancies you had and how much pain mentally and physically they have had on you. You will always remember when they were due and will always wonder how they would look now and how old they would have been every year. I still have to wait until the 11th Feb to go in for another scan only for them to tell me no the baby has still not come away and then be admitted for an erpc. It is killing me knowing that I have been carrying a dead baby around for a week already and still have to for another week.
Again I am so so sorry honey I was keeping my fingers crossed for you. Wishing you and your family all the best. If you need to talk please feel free to email me at [email protected].
With deepest sympathy for your loss.xxx

MrsSteph · 03/02/2011 14:40

I am so sorry for your tragic losses! Please do not blame yourself, I can only repeat everything Caz1323 says. You have not failed either your husband or your babies, quite the opposite, whilst they where living & growing inside you, they where loved & wanted (& still very much are) until it was there time to go, if you could have done anything you would have but you couldn't. There are many people who do fail their children & I can not began to understand why life can be so cruel & the lottery is so unfair! I have had 1 MC & I know how painfull & heartbreaking it is, I really can only imagine your pain & I agree with mummyabroad you can not deal with this alone & I hope you are or do get some help, no one should have to go through this! I wish I could do something or say something that could help. My thoughts are with you.xx

pigletmania · 03/02/2011 18:39

I am sorry and very Sad for you. I really dont know what to say, other that the ladies on here are very supportive. You have not failed at all.

Original poster
minmooch · 03/02/2011 21:16

Thank you for all your kind words.

I have been in a very dark place today. My husband is so positive and my heart breaks for him and us.

OP posts:
sotough · 03/02/2011 21:45

i can't believe your story - to have so many miscarriages is beyond unbearable. words just can't describe how that must feel. i am so sorry and upset to read this.
how old are you? you say you've had amazing support from a consultant, but is your consultant a recognised specialist in recurrent miscarriage? (sorry if that's a patronising question but it's surprising how many people are referred to general gynaecologists, rather than specialists in the field of miscarriage...)
have you tried to get a referral to St Mary's and have you tested for NK cells? I assume so, as you say you've had every test under the sun....
please don't think you have failed anyone. you so haven't. your body has failed you. that's all. my heart goes out to you.

milkyway2007 · 03/02/2011 23:07

I just read your second post, and I would like to say that you have not failed your husband or your babies. Nothing is your fault - don't you think if every woman had control of their bodies, there wouldn't be any miscarriages? What has happened to you has not been in your control - and please believe it.

I have had my 4th miscarriage this week, and I understand that it is easy to blame yourself in saying things like "well if i hadnt done this, or if i'd done that..." But only when I hear another grieving mother say these things, does it become clear that it's not our faults - no woman should blame herself for losing a baby she dearly wanted.

Your husband sounds like a lovely person, and I am sure he is supporting you whole heartedly through this time. I normally get frustrated by my husband's happy-go-lucky attitude in life - but at times like this you realise how lucky you are to have someone to bring some positive light into your life when you are down.

I would like to say one more time - please dont blame yourself. You sound like a lovely person, who is so deeply hurt - it brings me to tears.
I really wish you all the luck in the world - I wish I could snap my fingers and all these problems be gone for all the women here :( Try to be happy. Take care xx

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/02/2011 23:37

I really don't know what to say other than how utterly sorry I am for all your losses :(. I've only had one and I'm in bits. Like the previous poster I wish I could snap my fingers and make it right for everyone xx

lovemysleep · 04/02/2011 20:33

so sorry that you've been through so much.

You haven't failed anyone - please don't think that. There was nothing that you could have done, and life is so cruel sometimes.

I'd also like to ask what tests you've had done, as has sotough. I'm going through treatment for NK cells after 4 losses, and was wondering if you have had these investigated too?

Please take care of yourself....I've had lots of counselling, and it has really helped me to come to terms with my losses, so maybe that could be something to look into, if you haven't already?xx

Original poster
minmooch · 05/02/2011 17:36

My consultant is a specialist in recurrent miscarriage. Although I haven't been tested for nk cells - the only test I have not had - he is treating me as if I have them.

I have been having counseling since we lost our daughters in Septmber 2008. Losing our daughters was the most horrendous and traumatic experience I have ever been through. My miscarriages, although heartbreaking are not as bad as giving birth to my stillborn daughters. That is the only perspective I can allow myself at the moment.

Back from my erpc today :-(. Need time to grieve this little loss then pick myself up and dust myself down.

I am 43 and well aware that the quality of my eggs may nit be so great. But time is running out. Whilst I am still ovulating and producing eggs I wont give up - brave or stupid not sure which.

Thank you all for your kindness.

Xx

OP posts:
sethstarkaddersmackerel · 05/02/2011 17:38

I am so sorry. It is so unfair, no-one should have to go through all this. Thinking of you.

brokeoven · 05/02/2011 17:58

so sorry.

i dont know any one in rl who has had re occurring mcs.

for that reason i feel quite alone, and a bit of a freak truth be told.

then i come on here and feel a bit of comfort to speak to peole who know.

Its utter shite, i am sorry.

SameOldJollster · 05/02/2011 20:34

brave minmooch, very brave, not stupid at all. I wish you all the very best. If you feel upto it you are very welcome to join our 40+ TTC community here. It's a small and very friendly thread.

Melly19MummyToBe · 06/02/2011 09:57

I just read your post and im in tears now, its so sad. But be positive! My aunty has had 7 previous MCs, and now she has 2 beutiful little boys, hopefully the same will happen for you :) xxx

irishhope · 23/02/2011 22:21

hi. i am new to this site and not sure of all the abv. i don't have any chn either and hav had 5 medically recorded mc but i no i had others. the latest one was on mon after 2yrs of trying to get preg..It is truly horrible .I was in such a dark place this week but i went 2 c my consultant today and he has put me on aspirin and from some research on the net it seems to b worth a try....i had all tests done and nothing has come up.... so here's hoping we will get through this and have the strength 2 try again......... Good luck

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