possible miscarriage after already had a stillborn...this is so unfair!!

[shelly24]

I went for my booking appointment at queens yesterday as i am meant to be 9+6 today according to my calculations of first day of last period etc,but was scanned yesterday and told that the baby is only the size of a 5 week gestation!?
Basically the baby has either stopped growing at 5 weeks or my dates are completely wrong???
I really don't understand and its totally breaking my heart all over again as i lost my first born son in may who was stillborn at 33wks.I was told that what happened to him would never happen again,and when i got pregnant again i didn't even contemplate miscarriage etc,as i just thought i had had my bad luck with my little boy!?
I have to go back to the hospital next friday for another scan to see whether the baby has grown,if not then i have probably had a missed miscarriage or am about to have one.
Iwas feeling pretty negative,and always thinking the worst when i got preg again,because of what i had been through with my first preg,but am feeling really guilty that maybe being negative has caused all this to happen!?
The doc says that it is possible that i could have got my dates wrong as she has seen this happen before,but i don't understand how i could have been 4 weeks out in my calculations!??
before i got pregnant the first time my periods were really regular..28days for around 5 days each time,so after the stillbirth i had one period without calculating lengths etc and presumed i would conceive around the 14th day,which is usual for a 28 day cycle....and i did!!
But now there saying the possibility is that i may have ovulated later than usual(it being my first period after the stillbirth,it may have changed my cycles),or that the baby had just stopped growing at 5weeks.
When they scanned me yesterday that had to use a probe that is entered internally to scan for the baby,since then on and off i have had a pinkish discharge when i wipe myself,i didn't have this before and am wondering if it was just because i was prodded with that probe thing or whether its the start of something?
I'm so hurt and confused,i've gone right back down to that pit i was in when i first lost my son...i can't stop crying and wondering why its so hard!!...i just want a baby..is that too much to ask!!!??
Please has anyone experienced something like this?I really need to hear from others who have either got through something like this or who are experiencing it like me at the moment...please,please get back to me.x.x.x.

Oh shelly, have just read your message further down about the hosp visit etc. I know just how you feel, I work with kids too (childminder) and i am brillaint at it, its so unfair that we are not blessed with chidren of our own. I think we're about the same age. I'm 25. You have no reason to blame yourself, this is something out fo your control, you can do nothing to stop it. These things happen for a reason and we don't always find out what that reason is. Our time will come, you will be a mom one day and you'll be the greatest mom you can imagine. you child will be so loved, and will be so special to you because of all you have been through to get him/her.

It just seems like it taking forever diddle!!
I really thought i had started to look forward instead of back,and started to be abit more positive about my life,then this happens and my feet are literally swept from underneath me!!!
Today i've got abit more cramps,and am just generally feeling really miserable!!I wonder if i got pregnant too soon after Rhys,even though i had one period and the doc said it was fine to try again whenever,i can't help but think i have been alitle hard on myself,and pushed for things to happen too soon....i just want it soo badly!
Yeah we're the same age diddle,i'll be 25 this saturday...what a way to celebrate your birthday huh!!??

Hi shelly24 - just wanted to pass on the experiences of my friend to let you know you are not alone in what has happened to you. With her second she had a still birth at 30 weeks and then got pg again immediately and had a miscarriage at about 7 weeks and then got pg again straight away and then had a little girl - hope that might help a little. I helped her through this time so have a vague understanding of what you are going through - sending you lots of hugs.

Shelly - You never know it could have been too soon, even though you've had one period, it still takes time for your body to regulate. i caught first cycle after my first m/c and lost the 2nd one too. and i often wonder the same.
Our times will come.

Wow we have got very similar circumstances havent we?

But I had a baby following my m/c so maybe the similarity will continue? Really think so honey.Did you say where you lived?

(I am just hopping on now, I tend to post after 7 when dd is tucked up and I can concentrate)

Shelly

Maddyd had told me how to CAT so I have!

Ring me if you want for a chat.Details on message

Any night after 7.30

xx

Thanks c.p,means alot to me,in alot of pain right now,and have been told to stay on the sofa!( i do love my dh...so very much,hes taking good care of me..bless him.x.x)

Could the discharge just be the mucous plug which seals the cervix? It will have been disturbed if you had an internal scan, and you might lose it like you lose a 'show' when labour is beginning.

Hope everythign is ok and that it is just the dates.

oh so sorry just read whole of thread.

Don't worry G.G,thank you for the concern anyway.x

Morning shelly - How are you feeling???

think the worst of it is over,was in almost 'contraction' like pain last nite,lots came away,was in floods of tears,had some pain killers and slept from about 3am,had a bath this morning as was afraid i was loosing too much to have one last nite
Today just feel very sore and numb,emotionally and physically,am DESPERATE to tidy as house isn't like i want it to be(dh tries,but you know when its just not the same as when you do it!?),am being told off all the time when i as much as move a cup or newspaper!!
Have to go back to queens tomorrow to check that everything has come away properly...

Oh shelly, how gutting. i'd be shouting at you too if you moed a cup SIT DOWN take it easy, you're gong through too much to worry about that. although i never wanted to sit still when i lost mine, wanted to keep busy. If he's at home send him out for some milk and whip the hoover out

shelly - just read back my message, not sure how you moe a cup but you know what i meant

shelly - any news, hows things, you ok?

Thinking of you and hoping that your pains are getting better

xx

going off to bed,v tired.
x

shelly, thinkng fo you today more than ever, I hope that all goes well and that you are looked after. Are you still going to the hospital??

(((((((((big hugs)))))))))) to you and your family x

Shelly

Hope you are ok.Thinking of you

xx

You still there shelly?? hows things, everything ok??

i'm really down,still bleeding..only alittle though,have been in paighton,devon since friday after the hospital,dh whisked me away.
Had an ok birthday on sat,nothing special though,am off to spain on friday for awhile(my sister and family live out there)will be back in october sometime,not sure when though.
Have left my nursery job,no more working with kids for me,thinking more of m&s or debenhams?what do you think?

Sorry to hear that your feeling low but its to be expected after the terrible time you have had.I am glad your off to spain,the sunshine and seeing your family will do you good.I went to Lanzarote to see my Auntie just after loosing Philippa and it did me good.I think you have done the right thing leaving work.Have a break and see what you think when you get back.Shop work is probably a good diversion as you get to meet lots of different people.

Hope you pick up soon.
xx

shelly - so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I thinl the break will do you good, we went away after my first m/c for a week and came back pregnant!!!
I hope it all works out for you. Shop work is good if you can handle the hours, our local stores have late nights, so make sure they don't try and talk you into too much work.
I bet there wil be loads of jobs now upto xmas.
enjoy your break and relax as much as you can.

Hi there. I too have had a stillbirth, in June this year. Just learned today that I have had a misscarriage at 5 weeks... I know, it seems so unfair doesnt it.. Why wont my body work... fed up... I do know exactly how u feel xxx