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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

possible miscarriage after already had a stillborn...this is so unfair!!

98 replies

shelly24 · 10/09/2005 09:55

I went for my booking appointment at queens yesterday as i am meant to be 9+6 today according to my calculations of first day of last period etc,but was scanned yesterday and told that the baby is only the size of a 5 week gestation!?
Basically the baby has either stopped growing at 5 weeks or my dates are completely wrong???
I really don't understand and its totally breaking my heart all over again as i lost my first born son in may who was stillborn at 33wks.I was told that what happened to him would never happen again,and when i got pregnant again i didn't even contemplate miscarriage etc,as i just thought i had had my bad luck with my little boy!?
I have to go back to the hospital next friday for another scan to see whether the baby has grown,if not then i have probably had a missed miscarriage or am about to have one.
Iwas feeling pretty negative,and always thinking the worst when i got preg again,because of what i had been through with my first preg,but am feeling really guilty that maybe being negative has caused all this to happen!?
The doc says that it is possible that i could have got my dates wrong as she has seen this happen before,but i don't understand how i could have been 4 weeks out in my calculations!??
before i got pregnant the first time my periods were really regular..28days for around 5 days each time,so after the stillbirth i had one period without calculating lengths etc and presumed i would conceive around the 14th day,which is usual for a 28 day cycle....and i did!!
But now there saying the possibility is that i may have ovulated later than usual(it being my first period after the stillbirth,it may have changed my cycles),or that the baby had just stopped growing at 5weeks.
When they scanned me yesterday that had to use a probe that is entered internally to scan for the baby,since then on and off i have had a pinkish discharge when i wipe myself,i didn't have this before and am wondering if it was just because i was prodded with that probe thing or whether its the start of something?
I'm so hurt and confused,i've gone right back down to that pit i was in when i first lost my son...i can't stop crying and wondering why its so hard!!...i just want a baby..is that too much to ask!!!??
Please has anyone experienced something like this?I really need to hear from others who have either got through something like this or who are experiencing it like me at the moment...please,please get back to me.x.x.x.

OP posts:
Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 09:33

I think its all over already
Have had heavier bleeding today and afew cramps last night........you know when you get a gut feeling??........
Am too scared to go see anyone,just rang dh and told him,hes finishing work at 1,but wanted to come home now...i told him not to.
What do i do now?do i ring somebody?,have had this on and off since the internal scan,but now seems heavier this morning,if i ring someone i'll break down,will wait till dh gets in i think...

OP posts:
Toothache · 13/09/2005 09:36

Oh Shelly. I really don't knwo what to say to you. Nothing would be appropriate.

I think you should let your DH come home now and phone the EPU and let them know you've had a hevy bleed. So sorry that this has happened to you.

munz · 13/09/2005 09:40

oh honney - agree with TA get DH home and go together to EPU - u need him with u.

((((hugs))))

hope things can work out - I know of a lady who bled from weeks 6-10 (heavy I might add) she thought the worse but thankfully her DD's due in about 6 weeks time.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/09/2005 10:09

Is there any way you can get an earlier appt than Fri.I know its a date thing but surely they could detect a change now?

x

spub · 13/09/2005 11:33

Shelly,
Am so sorry. Huge hugs. Take good care.

Marina · 13/09/2005 11:44

Shelly, get to the EPU, with your dh if possible, and make sure whoever you see is aware of your full history. If you feel strong enough, make sure your notes have the SANDS sticker on the front - you can't miss it, it is square and brightly coloured with the SANDS logo on it.
If there is no SANDS sticker, ask them why not. Ask if they have a bereavement midwife.
I am so and that you have to make all the running with the gp and with the hospital, but it is not uncommon . You have said in the past how strong your dh has been for you, perhaps he can ask these questions for you.
Thinking of you so much today and so very sorry to hear of this latest turn of events. xxx

starlover · 13/09/2005 11:56

agree with marina... GO TO EPU!

I did this when i was bleeding and was given a scan straight away. they cannot make you wait until friday

please go...

Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 16:20

Dh came home and after much twoing ad frowing between the doc and hospital i was sent to hammersmith a&e with a refferal letter from my gp,saw a really nice lady,asked me alot of questions,and even before she scanned me she was pretty sure that i'm having a missed miscarriage.She did another internal,and baby hasn't changed atall,neck of the womb has light bleeding,indicating that i'm at the early stages of miscarriage and scan showed blood clots inside the womb,another indication that it will happen any time now
I put a brave face on,have been crying so much lately that i think i was pretty dried out when she was wxplaning everything,they tested blood/urine etc and still want me to go back on fri to check it has all come away or not,if not will be offered something i guess.
Oh why has this year been so s**t!!!Even the consultant commented on what a tough and trying time we've had so far....i just don't get it,i'm so low and with myself!!sitting here with my great big sanitary towel waiting for it all to happen!!!!Whats wrong with me!!!??I'd make a great mother!!I work with kids for a living for gods sake!!!(think i will change my career now,start a fresh somewhere else).I wanted to let you guys know,cos you've been such support(am crying now)..thank u!.x

OP posts:
Distel · 13/09/2005 16:30

I am sat here and crying for you. You have obviously had such a terible year there is nothing really anyone can say to make you feel any better. I really am so sorry x x x.

Kayleigh · 13/09/2005 16:33

I am so sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you.

petunia · 13/09/2005 16:33

Oh Shelly,
I don't know what to say. How can life be so cruel? I'm just so very sorry.

Toothache · 13/09/2005 16:42

Shelley24 - Nothing else I can add. I'm so sorry and angry for you.

starlover · 13/09/2005 16:46

oh shelly i am so sorry

when i miscarried early this year i was devastated. One thing a friend said to me stuck in my mind though, and that was that the baby just wasn't suppoed to be. Perhaps it had something wrong with it, or some other reason.. it just wasn't supposed to be born just yet...
I clung onto that, because beforehand I had been blaming myself for losing it.

You will have your baby, you have been so very unlucky but I am a true believer that things happen for a reason. You will be a great mum, and i think even more so for what you have been through... mourn your loss, but also look to the future and the baby you will have one day

Toothache · 13/09/2005 16:49

Great post starlover.... its really hard to know what to say, think that sums it all up perfectly.

Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 16:55

Thank u starlover.x.x(((((hugs)))))
Its funny,i was just thinking that before i got preg the first time with rhys,i was so naive to all the pregnancy complications that are around,and just thought i'd breeze through pregnancy with no problems atall,instead i've experienced stillbirth and miscarriage,and now realise how out of our hands these decisions of life are,i just don't understand why some of us breeze though and have no problems and others take the weight of the world on their shoulders and get everything thrown at them all at once its so unfair....,don't know what to do with myself...

OP posts:
starlover · 13/09/2005 17:02

yeah it is unfair. it all seems so arbitrary... i think i mentioned further down that i had bleeding when i fell pg again and i just couldn't believe that it was happening to me again (although luckily i didn't miscarry that time)

you did your best, absolutely 100%, for both of your babies. just remember that.. you loved them both but for some reason they just weren't supposed to be in this world

it will happen for you though, i am SURE of it. It's hard to believe it when things like this happen... you just think that it'll all go wrong again. I worried myself sick while i was pg with ds but it turned out ok.

it'll be ok

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/09/2005 19:51

So sorry honey.I have suffered both a miscarriage and a stillbirth and now have my darling baby girl.All my life I convinced myself I would never have a child of my own.I saw my younger sister have two and all my friends.Then I was blessed.

It WILL happen I know it.Its all so scary being pregnant and when you have expereinced what we both have been through it does take the magic out of being pregnant doesnt it?

But soon,very soon this will all be behind you and you will be holding the baby you so deserve.
xxx

KateF · 13/09/2005 20:10

Shelly-your story is heartbreaking and you are being very brave. I just wanted to share something a nice nurse (the only one who was) said to me when I miscarried my first baby. She told me that in a years time I would be holding the baby I wanted so badly. One year and 13 days later I was. I so hope it happens for you.

Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 21:02

Thanx kateF.x.xso do i.x

OP posts:
Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 21:09

its soo scarey c.p,why are we 'tested' so badly like this?was your m/c before or after your stillborn(either way is equally bad i know).x
My feelings right now are anything beyond sadness and crying,in fact i have hardly cried atall today,whilst the days leading up to now i've been an absolute wreck!!
I'm numb if anything,and in shock,maybe it will properly sink in over the days to come,who knows,i'm just so scared,and so is dh,we just don't know what to do with ourselves tonight...i showed him the messages we send each other and told him how much it has helped me..hes pleased i have extra support on here,and that we're not alone in all this...

OP posts:
CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/09/2005 21:27

I had the m/c when I was married to my first husband in 1992 aged 25.I went for 12 week scan and pregnancy had stopped at 6 weeks (though I had the date theory and they sent me home to go back in a week and I started to loose,though v slightly.I then had a d&c.We tried again but could not get pg,we had loads tests and turned out hubby had low sperm count and what he had were not that good.Marriage was over anyway by then.I was then on own for 7 years and all this time still was desperate for a child.Its all I ever wanted.I was everyones auntie!!

Then met husband no 2 (makes me smile when I type that,as if there is going to be no 3,4 and 5!!)and as I was 35 said its now or never and tried and caught first month resulting in dd now 22mths.
Pregnancy was awful for me.Then we went on to loose Philippa and now I wonder if I am passed it...

I know that you wont have to wait as long as me,I did not have a partner for years and they are required!But its been a long and winding road to get my dd and it did not end there..

I so feel for you as I know I only got through loosing Philippa as I already had Lucy.Without her I dont think I would have coped.

You really are a very brave woman.
xx

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/09/2005 21:39

I am off to bed now,knackered.

Try and get some sleep, I know its difficult but things are so much harder to deal with when you are exhausted.Hope that sounds ok.Ive been there and I know its bloody cr*p whatever you do.

My friend has just had a baby and I am going to see her next week.I will put a brave face on as its her first and shes thrilled but its hard for me to be aroung tiny babies as it brings back painful memories.

Where do you live? I feel like I want to wrap my arms around you.
xx

Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 21:49

C.p are you still there,just quick,before you go to bed!!!???

OP posts:
Original poster
shelly24 · 13/09/2005 21:58

Bugger!!,you've gone to bed...oh well sleep tight hun.x.x
Wasn't around cos i was on the thread with that poor lady whos mum has just died I left her an essay about my experience when my mum died and to send her lots of love and sympathy(its funny,feel i'm letting it all come out at the mo!!),and when i scrolled down i saw your message and couldn't believe it!!!We really have had similar experiences you and i,and i'm feeling very close to you right now.xI read that your mum had died of breast cancer at 52,well my mum died of the same thing at 53,how bizarre that two people can have such similar past experiences huh!?
Anyway,enough rambling,time for bed,just wanted you to know,you've been like a virtual 'mum' to me lately...just wanted to say thanx for that.x.x.x....nite.x

OP posts:
Diddle · 14/09/2005 07:56

Morning shelly - so sorry to hear you've started losing, I hope that you're ok (which of course you're not) How are you doing?? I'm sure you will find more people on the ttc thread today, i noticed you tried last night, and we were all useless, having early nights Thinking of you x