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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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How to prepare for a stillbirth [sad]

99 replies

fudgecat · 13/09/2010 15:43

This is my first pregnancy and I?m 33+6 weeks. At my 20 week scan it was discovered that my baby had severe onset IUGR and was told the prognosis was poor. At the consultant?s recommendation I went for an amnio the following day, this came back all clear but also caused my waters to break. I have been in and out of hospital ever since and have made it to 33 weeks but the baby hasn?t grown much and is the size of a 23\24 week baby. I have been having weekly scans and at last weeks scan we were told that the reverse flow had got a lot worse and that the baby was likely to pass away this week.
They won?t offer me a section as I have low platelets and would be at too high risk of bleeding\hysterectomy.

I have been trying so hard to stay strong and hope for a miracle but I know that I now need to prepare myself for a stillbirth.
How can I prepare myself for this?

OP posts:
BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 14/09/2010 14:49

So sorry Fudgecat.

I went through this at 31 weeks with my DD2. I was also told before the birth that she would die but they did not know whether it would happen before, during or afterwards. I also could not have a c-section to 'get it over with' and the not knowing when it would happen was torture. My consultant offered a stretch and sweep and I was lucky in that labour started the next day.

I had 10 days in between when I found out until I gave birth and I did most of my grieving then. I talked to her a lot which is comforting now that I look back. My biggest regret is that I refused to hold her immediately after she was born as I was terrified of what she would look like Sad and she died before I held her. I had nothing to fear though she was beautiful.

Echoing what everyone says, take clothes, pictures and hand and foot prints. I wish I'd been forewarned about the milk coming in and the 'empty arms' feeling which will be overwhelming at first. We had a private funeral with all the family there as it would have been if any family member had died.

It is shit and cruel and unfair and 9 years later, its the same.

Wishing you strength and peace XX

fudgecat · 14/09/2010 14:58

Thank you for all of your kind words, in a way it?s comforting to know others have been through similar and have come out the other side. It?s just so unfair that anyone should have to go through this. The funny thing is that my main worry when I got pregnant was how I would get through 9 months without pate ? that seems like a long time ago now.

On Friday they said they would ask someone to call me for a chat about things ? I guess this will be a bereavement midwife. I will ask her about the tablets to stop the milk as I think I would find that too hard to cope with.

Thanks you for suggesting taking an outfit for that baby to wear. I had a look last night with DP and we have ordered a tiny sleep suit, hat and a shawl. Thanks for the links sarahbeth

pinkbasket I have asked the doctors about inducing me to try and give the baby a chance but they say that the baby would not survive the birth, but that even if it did it would die soon after. If there is still a heartbeat when I go to the hospital on Friday I will ask again and see if they will reconsider.

Does anyone know if the hospital will have an ink pad for hand and foot prints or do I need to take my own? Will they clean my babys hands and feet after?

CazEM thank you for sharing your story and the wish list. I looked at the picture of Anabelle and she is beautiful

Does anyone know if the hospital will tell my GP what has happened or will I need to let them know?

OP posts:
Habbibu · 14/09/2010 15:08

My hospital did dd's hands and feet for me - but then my hosp is particularly good, and even made us a beautiful memory box for her.

Hospital should tell GP for you.

Hermya321 · 14/09/2010 15:13

Fudge I'm so sorry to hear your news, I can't even begin to know what you must be going through. But know that you, your DH and Splodge are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ariesgirl · 14/09/2010 15:40

Fudge I'm so sorry. This is so terribly sad, but I'm filled with admiration for the way you and other women on here who have had similar heartbreak have dealt with it. There is some inspiring advice being offered her. Lots of love and best wishes to you all.

kkas · 14/09/2010 15:55

fudge i'm so sorry to hear your news. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xx

CazEM · 14/09/2010 15:57

Thank you all for being kind.

Fudge - I would suggest you have a think and write down a list of questions for the hospital - they will more than likely have an ink pad and take hand/foot prints as standard but for your own piece of mind ask the question anyway. I'm sure they'll be gentle with you, and no question is too silly, ask the same question 3 times if you have to - because I know right now its very difficult to take anything in.

My hospital informed my GP, community midwifes and health visitor. The communication here was very good - but again - ask your hospital if they will inform all those people. My health visitor still came to see me once afterwards, and would've visited more if I'd wanted it. I decided I didn't.

Thinking of you.

addie81 · 14/09/2010 17:42

Fudge the Frolickers are all thinking of you, and your DH and Spoldge. The way you have kept hoping for him and believing in him over the past 13 weeks shows what a wonderful mother you have been to him. You couldn't possibly have done any more than you have. xxxxxx

pixiestix · 14/09/2010 18:27

Oh Fudge, my heart is breaking for you and for Splodge. You have fought so long and so hard, and have been an inspiration to all of us.

Wombat33 · 14/09/2010 18:37

Fudge. I have no advice to offer but wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry.

Lougle · 14/09/2010 18:46

fudgecat I have been reading your thread, and had nothing helpful to say, except that I am so sorry that you are facing this.

But really, if you want to give your baby one chance, are you not within your rights to insist that they induce you sooner rather than later? I really hope it is not too insensitive of me to say.

LunaticFringe · 14/09/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lionmummy · 14/09/2010 20:41

Fudgecat, so sorry to read your post, wishing you love and hugs.
Have been so moved by all the stories on here, Lucy, CazEM et all you are all amzingly strong people who have been thru so much xx

WhiteRoses · 15/09/2010 11:45

Fudge - just wanted to add my condolences here too (I've already been on the Frolickers thread). I'm so so sorry to hear what you, DP and Splodge are going through and I just hope you know that we're all here for you, if you need to talk. You'll be in everyone's thoughts on Friday, I'm sure. Lots of love, WR. x

nancydrewrocked · 15/09/2010 12:03

Fudgecat the hospital should have everything needed to do the foot and hand prints but it is not always possibly - especially when babies are very early or have IUGR.

I just mention this beacuse it was something my MW had told me they would do and then I was so disappointed when I was later told they weren't able to Sad

Don't feel afraid to ask a million and one questions and please be kind to yourself.

Hermya321 · 16/09/2010 16:19

Fudge Just to let you know that I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

TheOldestCat · 16/09/2010 16:25

Fudgecat and the others on this thread - I'm so so sorry about your lovely children. My thoughts are with you.

Tangle · 16/09/2010 16:51

Fudgecat - I'm so sorry you're going through this. Our DD2 died after I came down with swine flu when I was 36 weeks pregnant on New Years Eve. She was born on 4th January this year. When they did a scan and told us that she'd died I went totally numb and didn't really react for a long time (days to weeks).

It is worth considering what you would like to happen during the birth - even though we new DD2 had died it was still the birth of my daughter. We worked hard to ask questions so that we understood the reason for each and every intervention, which allowed us to make it the best experience it could be. The only thing I'd have changed would have been to have a waterbirth (not practical for me as the SANDS suite at the hospital couldn't have a pool and they didn't want me on the main labour ward due to the swine flu).

Pain relief is very hard to predict. Having already given birth to DD1 at home I knew I could birth a baby if my head was in the right place, so that was where I invested my energy. They offered me an opiate based Patient Controlled Analgesia system, but I wanted and needed to know what was going on - in some respects I think it was easier as, having had DD1, I wasn't afraid of giving birth so much as I was afraid of giving birth to a dead baby, if that makes sense.

Before DD2 was born we were warned that she might not look as perfect as we might like and so I asked our MW to let us know before we decided to see and hold her. I think we'd have seen her regardless, but at least we were prepared - as it was she was beautiful and looked just like a normal baby.

We were also warned that her skin would be exceptionally fragile and that, if she were bathed, there was a risk that it would be damaged. We opted to have the MW's wash her face and hands, which they did very gently, but not the rest of her. Part of me does regret not being more involved - but then I'm also grateful that I didn't try only to end up hurting her.

Re. the hand and foot prints, as far as I know they use an invisible ink so (assuming they are possible) they shouldn't leave any stain.

Re. milk, I was recommended sage by a herbalist - apparently she'd normally make an infusion up, but given the weather it wouldn't have got to me in time. I drank sage tea (good spoonful left in the water as long as possible, sweetened with honey). I think the tight bra thing is slightly controversial as there is a risk that you'll wind up with mastitis if the bra doesn't fit very well - I opted to put up with the milk. I was recommended a well fitting bra that would lift them up to promote drainage without being too tight. I found cold cabbage leaves very soothing (get a savoy cabbage in the fridge - break off a leaf, cut out the steam, scrumple it to release the enzymes and stick it in your bra - sounds bizarre but VERY effective). Sleeping in a bra is recommended but I couldn't do it - I used an inco pad under the sheet (ask your MW for some - its a waterproof backed, absorbent pad) to protect the mattress with a towel on top to soak up the worst of any leaks.

We opted for a service in our village church with a burial afterwards. A book our rector recommended was Just My Reflection by Sister Frances Dominica of Helen House. I found it to be the most useful thing I read and it gave us a lot of thoughts and ideas about what we could do before and for the funeral. After reading it we opted to collect DD from the funeral directors the night before the funeral and take her to the church ourselves. We also opted for a wicker casket/coffin rather than the shiny white one the funeral director's usually used for babies.

One other thing you might want to consider is who, if anyone, you'd like to see your Splodge after the birth. There are only DH and I, DD1, my sister and our Independent MW who I would count as friends and family who actually saw DD2. At the time I don't think we could have coped with either set of grandparents coming - but looking back part of me wishes they could have seen her.

I'm so sorry you've got to think about all of this - its not right that little babies die :(. My heart goes out to you, your DH and family. I hope you have plenty of support around you and the birth goes peacefully.

lilmissmummy · 16/09/2010 17:02

So so sad for your losses :(

CazEM · 16/09/2010 22:12

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Fudge

kkas · 17/09/2010 09:41

thinking of you today fudge

travellingwilbury · 17/09/2010 09:51

Fudge you and your little one will be in my thoughts today .

TwasEverThus · 17/09/2010 10:46

Hoping for you ...

ilovesprouts · 18/09/2010 10:07

.

jenny60 · 18/09/2010 10:20

I am so very sorry about ths. I went through a similar situation about 2 years ago with my son, though he was younger than your baby. I hope it will help you to know that although he will always be my son and I miss him and what he should have been everyday, it DOES get easier. You never forget, but life does go on and becomes easier to live. But the first while we be hard, almost surreal for me. Have as much support around you as you need, cry, talk, eat. drink, anything you need. We went away for a few days after birth and that helped a lot. We also scattered the ashes in a place that's important to us and planted a tree too. It's a beautiful tree. I will be thinking of you.