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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

To end it all

95 replies

emptyshell · 24/08/2010 15:08

My username's apt. My 7 week scan today revealed just an empty sack. I have to go through all of this again - I can't.

To the bitches who called the infertile or those who miscarry evolutionary dead ends... I hope one day you fucking suffer an ounce of the pain I feel right now.

To those who run around shouting and screaming and wanting favours because you have a child so you're something special - I hope you fucking miscarry and suffer like some of us have to.

To those of you who realize you have kids you love, but that the rest of the world might NOT want to simper and smile into your babyseat in Tescos and educationally develop your child because the whole world is morrally obliged to do that - I love you for having some perspective on things, and possibly a touch of empathy for the searing pain your infertile/miscarrying sisters may go through.

I don't know if I will end it or not - but yes, right now after three years of infertility, followed by two glimmers of hope put out by miscarriages, sat here waiting to miscarry the empty sac inside... it's a fair possibility.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 25/08/2010 13:37

Empty I am so so sorry to hear this.

Duritzfan · 25/08/2010 16:52

Emptyshell I have only just caught up with this ...

I am so very very sorry for your loss, I have been there far too many times and I know exactly how you feel... Its a really awful raw feeling that cuts you inside and the sadness is all consuming ..
All you can do is take it one day at a time and take it easy .. don't let anyone else tell you how you should be feeling and protect yourself from all those oh so bloody insensitive people who appear to pop out babies like peas from a pod..
There are an awful lot of us who share your pain and do understand ...

I hope you feel a bit brighter and when the time comes that you will try and maybe get some counselling ... I believe I have had my life saved by a couple of great counsellors over my long journey to have children .. It really can help - although right now you may not see that it could...

Huge huge gentle hugs to you ..and strength ..you will get through this ..xx

TheUnmentioned · 25/08/2010 17:01

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you have some real life support.

I have children and would never, ever, ever even think anything bad of you or others in your situation other than alot of sympathy and a lot of hope that you get to have children one day.

Please don't feel that the majority of people think you are an evolutionary dead end - I find it hard to believe anyone would think like that but if they do they will be very very few and far between I am sure. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, please get through today and try and be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you

nickstermum · 25/08/2010 18:38

empty I hope you are feeling better today... although still feeling empty inside am sure.

I and many others on here are so very very sorry for what you are going through. Many peeps on here have also experienced the pain you are feeling (myself included only recently)

Stay strong and resist whatever bad thoughts are going round in your head... time does make a great healer (but....i bet you are sick of hearing that)

I have both a DS and have suffered the heartache and loss of an MC so i see it from both angles. I would never have classed someone who cannot conceive as a deadend, but now i can understand the hurt that comes from the loss you feel.

I hope you have someone there to wrap their arms around you and let you sob.... you need to let out the pain, and let your DP protect you and keep you strong. Talk it out, all your bad thoughts, dont bottle them up....seek professional help if you feel disillusioned and in despair.. and angry at the world.....try not to lash out at those who are lucky enough to have a child and stay positive... you will get there one day im sure :)

LouMacca · 25/08/2010 18:45

So sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you x

TheGrumpalo · 25/08/2010 18:52

Hope you're ok empty, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that you have people around you to support you, thinking of you x

Tyson86 · 25/08/2010 18:55

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through and have previously gone through, I understand some of it, i had a miscarriage in December and yesterday was my little angel's due date. It hurts but have to carry on.
I hope you are ok and will be thinking of you. :(

saltyair · 26/08/2010 09:16

How you doing today Shell? Thinking about you.

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 26/08/2010 09:33

Ive only just seen this. please, please come back to tell us how you are.

I know that right now you feel very angry and hopeless and useless, but you need to speak to someone. I recommend the MA, they are wonderful. I have had 12 mcs and have times when im so filled with rag I can barely breathe, Ive had counselling and you need to see your cons (i assume you have one, if not you should see your gp or ask at EPU for referral) and ask.

to all the people suggesting adoption.

not the place, not the place at all. you need to have found some peace before you can even consider it, its so frustrating to hear "you can always adopt" thats not an option for everyone.

plonker · 26/08/2010 09:45

Oh Emptyshell, I'm so so sorry for your loss

BarbiesBeaver · 26/08/2010 09:58

So sorry to see this today emptyshell. Please keep talking (on here/to friends/to your partner) and keep plodding on, one day at a time. Your hormones are bound to be going crazy at the moment so please bear in mind you will not be thinking straight right now. Whatever you need to do to get through, just do it, no one should judge you for that. People do care about you I promise.

sotough · 26/08/2010 12:35

empty i remember you from your last pregnancy. it wasn't long ago, so the good news (and i KNOW it doesn't feel like ANYTHING is good or hopeful right now. believe me. i've been through it four times myself.) is that you are now getting pregnant quite quickly. you have done amazingly to get pregnant twice in the last few months despite the grief you were getting from the doctors about your BMI. I know you've lost weight and are probably continuing to do so, all of which will help increase your chances of a pregnancy progressing. Please dont give up. Give yourself time to recover (for me, it took about four months for each miscarriage to feel remotely able to think about trying again) and then keep going. keep your eye on the prize - it's worth fighting for. i hope none of this sounds patronising - it comes from the heart, from someone who knows the true darkness that engulfs you the moment the sonographer goes quiet and then says they can't find anything.

chipmonkey · 26/08/2010 16:45

Empty, please come back and tell us you are OK!

saltyair · 27/08/2010 09:08

Still thinking about you Shell - hope you are looking after yourself my dear.

Brokenbits · 27/08/2010 21:47

empty I am so sickened and sad that you are going through this again. I hope venting your anger here is helping you get through it in some small way, although I understand the total devastation of infertility and miscarriage all too well. There is no cure except being able to hold YOUR baby in your arms. Please come back if you feel you can and/ or it will help you.

I realise this is a place to express personal opinion, but cannot help but question the thought processes of anyone who would suggest adoption as a solution on this posting.

Lynli · 28/08/2010 00:09

I am so sorry for your loss and the way you feel. I hope that expressing your anger is helping you.

A lot of the ladies that are blessed with children have been in your position.

I have had 11 MCS but have 3 DCs now. I remember how awful it felt and how angry I was. Please do not give up hope.

Please be kind to yourself.

steingrims · 28/08/2010 05:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

StealthPolarBear · 28/08/2010 06:48

pointless, stupid troll comment, reported

mumatron · 28/08/2010 09:20

i hope you never get to see that comment empty. how pathetic

empty hope you are okay. i have been where you are. the anger i felt was unreal. have had 4 mc and was told i only had about 1% chance of of getting and staying pg. i hated myself and everyone around me for a long time.

get some help in rl. mn is fab for venting but it isn't always enough.

thinking of you.

saltyair · 29/08/2010 11:50

How you doing Shell? Hope you are looking after yourself

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