I have been with my (now) husband for 10 years. I have a son 17, he has a daughter 12. She was roughly 2.5 years old when I met her dad. Her mother is lovely. We get on really well. Mom and Dad co-parent really well. We have her as much as possible and he pays his maintenance by bank transfer every month. We both work hard, have 1 car between us and he leaves at 4am (important for later)
We have a few concerns about school attendance and lateness. SD started high school last year and has had a lot of time off. SD does have a medical condition, which doesn't impact her now as she on the right diet, (Coeliacs) however she does have the occasional hospital appointment to see her consultant about every 6 months - so that's an understandable morning/afternoon absence from school.
lateness started almost immediately, meaning SD keeps getting detentions, and the absences started during the Winter when we had snow. Mom drives and didn't take her to school for 3 days out of the week. When asked she stated "I don't like driving in the snow and it was too cold to get the babies (1 year old and a 4 year old younger siblings) out to take her to school".
SD lives within a 20 minute walk to school and could have taken herself, but mom doesn't want her walking alone (we have FindMyIphone) and she has a phone.
Mom has then taken her out for 2 term time holidays since, and last week she never went in because she was "ill". I messaged SD to ask how she was feeling and she said "I burped and felt a bit sick, but feel much better now", but when I called to speak to mom, mom said "she had a temperature/shivers and a fever and spend the day in bed" - but said nothing about her vomiting/feeling sick.
SD had a hospital appointment yesterday at 11am and you would have thought that she would have been in school for 8:30 when it starts until about 10am..... but no. Mom just didn't bother to send her in, and then didn't take her back to school afterwards at 12:30-3:05pm.... so that's another whole day she has had off.
When dad speaks to mom, mom says things like "well I have 3 kids to take care of, its not that easy" or "she's not walking by herself" or "what's the point in taking her in if she's only there for a couple of hours". She always blames the lateness on the smaller children.
Now, last year we had 2 cars and COULD/DID take her to school if mom was unable/didn't want to, but after a crash where the car was written off we now only have one, and we live too far to walk to moms and then walk to school, so we cannot take her to school any more. If her appointments are after 2pm, dad picks her up and takes her to her appointments and he picks her up from school and takes her home to mom - so he is doing as much as he can. He changed his working hours to accommodate the after school pick ups at moms request.
SD told us that if her absences continue, mom will get a fine. Her attendance currently is at 91%, which to me is abysmal! We are worried that we will also get a fine - despite none of the absences having anything to do with us. Every time SD is off, we ask mom why and actively encourage her to take her in or allow her to walk to school. We understand that she has 2 other children and it can be hard getting small children ready in a morning.
Ideally, we would like SD to come to us during the week so we can ensure that she gets to school regularly and on time, but without a 2nd car (which we cannot afford to buy!) that's a no go!
How can we get past this with mom? how can we make sure that SD is going to school or getting there on time and we don't get a fine!
We have a FABULOUS relationship with mom, so need to tread carefully.
no hate please, just genuine advise.