Perimenopause and growing attached to someone online who will not meet

[OutOfCharacterForMe]

Please be kind. I need constructive advice on how to handle this.

I'm perimenopausal, having the usual surges of increased sex drive and then no sex drive.

I've been talking to someone online for about 5 months. For the first couple of weeks I actually thought I was talking to a woman. Just general chat. It was on a forum of a shared hobbie so not sure why I thought he was a woman initially. Anyway he is a man.

I got used to the good morning, good night, how was work messages and everything else. We are in contact online all day, sharing everything.

Things started to heat up on both sides. Messages are raunchy at times mixed in with lovey dovey ones.

I suggested we meet. He instantly shut it down. He says he is single. We live probably an hour away from each other. He says online is all he wants. We've not shared photos or anything like that. We seem to gel on most stuff.

What the hell am I doing getting so emotionally attached to someone online who doesn't want to meet?

Is this an evil side of perimenopause?

Do I cut it off now? I'm already looking forward to his messages tomorrow.

Do I continue and try to tell myself this is just fun online?

I've told him I've developed feelings but he just repeated online is all he wants.

Helpful advice please

@OutOfCharacterForMe well done for cutting this off. It sounded like you were being catfished. Your safety is paramount, emotionally and financially.

I hope you meet someone IRL who can give you a reciprocal physical relationship. You’re worth it.

At least he’s not stringing you along pretending he’ll meet which plenty do in these situations but he could literally be anyone and given the circumstances is highly likely not to be the person he is describing himself as. Could be an old man, a 14 year old boy, a bored woman - anyone and you really don’t owe them anything!

I would guess he has told you some major lies. Either about gender/age/location/ marital status. End it.

So you honestly believe you are the only person he's talking to? Doubtful.

🚩doesn’t want to meet. He’s not single. End it

Do you plan to read the thread @Teenmumgoingcrazy?

Well, he seems to be ultra-clear that he wants online only, so you really need to respect that. There could be a myriad of reasons, but the lack of photos may be a clue. Having said that, don't push for one. I get the impression that this online relationship is now delivering less than perhaps you are hoping for, but neither of you can or should try to force the other into areas that are uncomfortable.

So, how about asking your gentleman friend if he sees the limits of your relationship as that of a modern day penpal, where you will never meet in real life. If you are hesitant to ask this, consider whether you are worried about the likely answer. If this is the case, I would suggest that you are vulnerable and need to asess your feelings from the point of view of not getting hurt. It does not sound as though he wishes to hurt you, rather it sounds more likely you may hurt yourself. Maybe reduce some of the contact so that you can analyse yourself to help in the coming weeks. Good luck. — Oh just a thought, consider asking google AI questions that you might be reluctant to ask a real person. Before you do though, always launch an incognto browser window first. When you close it, the history of that page is deleted, if that is important to you.

How about reading the thread, @FormerCompositor?

Well, for what it is worth, I took on board the very first sentence of the OP, which of course was "Please be kind. I need constructive advice on how to handle this". I am happy to have followed that.