Do you really stop giving a f**k during peri/menopause?

[Melrobbinswannabe]

As per my title. I’m 45, and sick of living my life caring about what people think of me. I was a HUGE people pleaser, and have done some work on that but I still feel I let people hold some weird power over me, and care about what they think about me sooo much. I hate it.
I’ve read about women hitting a certain age, and poof, wake up and they DGAF.
Has this been true for anyone at all? I know I need to put work into it, but I’d so love to wake up one day and it’s happened overnight.
Or, any tips on how to stop caring about the opinions of others? I’ve been how I am since childhood, so it’s a lot to unlearn.
Thanks

For me its been very liberating

Sure Im over run with anxiety at times but I no longer mask , Im me and people can take or leave me. Im no longer pretending to be someone Im not to fit in

All very true. I have never been more assertive in my life.

Me too. I’m 55 in 6 months and quite honestly this is the most levelled out and happy I’ve ever been. I’m loving my mid 50s! And yes, I give zero fucks what anyone thinks.

Who is criticising you and why?

I dgaf with some caveats - there are some people whose opinions you do care about on certain things. For example I might want my mother’s opinion on how to handle a behavioural issue with my child.

But mostly I really don’t care any more. It’s not anyone else’s business. Why are they holding an opinion on you? What gives them the right? Don’t they have their own sh*t to deal with?

All of that said, I’m happy to fall in line with societal conventions like not wearing black to a wedding or not inflicting the sight of my cellulite-y thighs on the world, so I don’t have to overcome stuff like that. Otherwise, if people criticise you it’s either “yes, you’re right, I did” which takes the wind out of their sails or “I’ll bear that in mind.”

Absolutely 💯. You need to start choosing you!

Mine came on gradually from age 30 onwards. Especially where my family were concerned. Made easier by the fact that there were only landlines then so it was easier to keep your distance.

Nope. I’m still hoping but I think I’m just too anxious really.

IDGAF any more has definitely been my experience of menopause. It’s brilliant, but sometimes it goes too far 😂. I never was a big one for clothes and appearance and sometimes the wellies and holey tee shirts appear a little too often for comfort. I definitely don’t care what people think of me now, I’ve got much more of a backbone and am much less scared of silly little men.

I’m 35 and have been in full blown menopause for a year now and honestly my anxiety has pretty much stayed the same.
I’m still a people pleaser and far too worried about what people think about me.

Yes, to an extent. I still get hurt when I get left out of something for example but I also can cope more with rejection and kind of see things differently. I know I am a kind and thoughtful friend who has done a lot of good so it’s their loss. I sat a friend down who i care about but whose friends had been a bit thoughtless and at times unkind to me and told her bluntly what I thought and that I didn’t want anything to do with any of them again. She has respected that and it’s really helped as I am meeting who I want on my own terms. I rarely force myself to do things anymore but this can mean I miss out so try to find a happy balance. I spent years dashing around trying to please and be liked and now realise whether I have 3 friends or 20 I am always ok. I am mid 50’s though!

Yep.
It's amazing 😀

Yes it has happened to me. I say no to lots of requests and I don't feel bad either.

Here's what I have always done, since well before the menopause: ask yourself what's the worst that can happen? Someone says something mean? Someone gives you a less than glowing report? You lose your job? All of these things can be overcome and/or fixed, or are irrelevant to begin with.

So what if someone doesn't like the answer you've given them? As long are you're polite and have thought it through and are able (not happy - able) to suffer the consequences of your decision, they don't have to like it. YOU don't like what they're saying to you, why are they more important than you? Aren't you worth as much as they are? Are they better than you?

So what if you inconvenience people? You're inconvenienced by doing the thing they're asking you to do - they don't seem to have any problems, so why should you?

I don't understand how anyone can be a people pleaser, tbh. It so goes against the grain for me. My purpose here on earth isn't to please other people. It's to do the right thing, live with a clear conscience and with decency and respect, be a contributing member of society who puts in more than she takes out. That's enough hard work frankly, I couldn't cope with having to please people on top of all that!

Yes!

I have never been a people pleaser, my greatest achievement at 10 was being a founding member of the War Against Boys Club at school led by a formidable and very exciting girl who I greatly admired. We were found out and it was banned. I was raised by a Mother who had a very strong sense of self and didn’t really conform. I have a very good friend also raised like this.She once said she was from a line of very strong women and at that point I realised I was as well.

I started taking up space after a lifetime of thinking I shouldn’t be seen or heard. I now call out bullshit, take no shit and give no fucks. I love it. My mother thought I was mentally ill the first time I called out her behaviour and we’ve been no contact now for over 5 years. Liberating.

Happy to say this has kicked in, in the last 2 months 😳 seemed to happen overnight. I give no fucks, I feel free and I love it! Took until I was 45, but there we are!

This is excellent news. Enjoy! It’s so liberating!

Thanks! It’s quite bonkers. Had a bit of a breakdown, few weeks off work, got HRT and emerged a new woman. Literally stuff I’d ruminate over a few months ago, I literally couldn’t give a fuck now 🫶🏼

You enjoy lovely! I believe our bodies go through so much and we deserve to be liberated! Zero fucks is my favourite saying!

I’ve never been an angsty, hand-wringing type, so peri-menopause has made no difference to me.

My sister however, is, and always has been. I’d say menopause has actually made her worse.

Perimenopause symptoms are a very different kettle of fish to natural personality traits. I'd never had a panic attack but had plenty in perimenopause. Symptoms are caused by a lack of oestrogen in the body and are both physical and emotional.

Yeah I’m early 40’s definitely just care less about what other people think. I’m more likely to assert myself which I’m enjoying but I’m still polite and civil. I’m just more impervious to emotional manipulation or shame. It’s really nice because I spent years with social anxiety and now I just struggle to give a fuck. I think this must be how a lot of men move through the world lucky bastards.

@frostseal I agree. Some parts of peri are great but some women I know have become quite miserable, they don't seem to enjoy anything anymore and only want to stay home. The joy of life seems to have gone for them. The gains in confidence and the rage can help fuel taking less shit which I like but I think it can slide into misery and bitterness if not managed.

😂