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Menopause

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Perimenopause is destroying me and no one seems to be able to help - what can I do?

89 replies

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 09:27

I am 51 (52 in March). Since the age of around 45 my mind, body and soul have been failing me. I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

Well, I am still having a cycle and have minimal sweats but boy, everything else is going to pot.

I have suffered with poor mental health since childhood and have expereinced gynae issues and gut issues since my early 20's but it is as though a bomb has exploded in my body.

I suffer from daily anxiety, panic and a feeling of utter terror. It's as though a dial has been turned to the max on my mental health, I can't quite articulate just how bad I feel mentally. I wake up in a panic every day and long for each day to pass quickly so I can crawl back into bed. Nothing, absolutely nothing gives me any pleasure throughout my day to day life. I cry at the drop of a hat and can have angry outbursts too. I feel worn out and depressed.

My 26 year 'battle' with IBS and digestive issues (from mouth to tail) have only worsened over these last 6 years. I have had cameras up, cameras down and scans etc but nothing found so I am just left to my own devices with this issue. I try everything to get my gut health back on track, I eat a basic, low fodmap diet, I only drink water, no dairy, no gluten/wheat, minimal sugar etc. I exercise (walking the dog for at least an hour each day and do some yoga stretches every evening). I listen to hypnotherapy and practise meditation yet still my gut issues continue with daily acid, burping, nausea, bloating, gas, excessive stomach gurgling, constipation/diarrhoea (often together!?) and I have a strong gasto colic reflex so often need the loo soon after eating which is most depressing. I despise my digestive system of late.

After being seen by the same gynae department for the last 12 years and enduring endless hysteroscopies and polyp removals (5 times) and a failed uterine ablation it was discovered via a mri last December that I actually have deep endometriosis and adenomyosis. I am now left on a waiting list until next year to have a laparoscopy. The gynae has been of little help and tbh I am certain he is just hoping that I will soon go into menopause and he won't have to bother with me.

I have had enough. All of my life stresses have come at the worst time. I have elderly parents living near by, my mother suffers from Alzheimers and breast cancer and I help my dad care for her. I have a 19 and 16 year old at home, a very anxious and reactive rescue dog who needs constant training/attention and a poor dh who is often the brunt of my anguish/outbursts. And to top it all I lost my job last week and the thought of job hunting and interviews when my confidence is at an all time low is keeping my awake at night.

My GP has been of little help and because of my history with the endometriosis and failed uterine ablation (any bleeding now causes me excessive pain) and my mum's beast cancer diagnosis, she is loathe to offer me hrt as she says it is out of her level of expertise and tbh I am too scared to take it since my mum's diagnosis and discovering some of her first cousins also have bc (one died in her 60's). The gp has advised I go see an alternative therapist in our local town. I simply can not afford this.

Sorry, such a long and boring post but could anyone suggest anything I could try which will harmonise everything, help slot everything back into place of some sorts. I can't go on with so many of my body parts and mind failing me, I feel as though I am heading for a breakdown.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 11/11/2024 09:37

I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

There really are no words for this 🙄

Movinghouseatlast · 11/11/2024 09:43

I would ask your GP to consult a menopause specialist in order to get advice so you can be helped.

I didn't take HRT early enough. Some things that helped me a bit were St John's Wort and 5HTP. I now take Lions Mane. and vitamin B12 on you of HRT.

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 09:48

DustyLee123 · 11/11/2024 09:37

I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

There really are no words for this 🙄

I should have added that I've since moved surgeries because this male GP was so unhelpful. My new GP is a lot more understanding as she too is going through perimenopause but she says she doesn't want to recommend the wrong hrt because of my gynae complications and the BC history in my family. She has asked my gynae for advice but that was 8 weeks ago and he's not replied to her.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 09:50

Movinghouseatlast · 11/11/2024 09:43

I would ask your GP to consult a menopause specialist in order to get advice so you can be helped.

I didn't take HRT early enough. Some things that helped me a bit were St John's Wort and 5HTP. I now take Lions Mane. and vitamin B12 on you of HRT.

Thank you. I will try those things. I'll also ask my GP if she could refer me to the menopause clinic at my local hospital (although I hoped my gynae could have done this)

OP posts:
TreesWelliesKnees · 11/11/2024 09:52

Ask for a referral to your nearest NHS menopause clinic. While you wait, maybe ask the gp to prescribe an anti depressant like sertraline. Anti depressants aren't meant to be the first treatment choice for perimenopause, that's supposed to be HRT, but they can work well. My GP didn't want to give me HRT until I was 45 so I took sertraline instead at 44 because the mental health symptoms were the most troublesome. They helped with everything including hot flushes, sleep etc. (I did switch to HRT later, but I would say for the mental health side of things sertraline was better.)

There is a lot of evidence that serotonin is made in the gut AND is impacted by low oestrogen, so if you have gut issues it may be causing the mental health issues. That might be worth further research on Dr Google!

DustyLee123 · 11/11/2024 09:52

Hopefully @JinglingSpringBells will see your post and advise

cheezncrackers · 11/11/2024 09:54
  • Demand to see another GP - you have a right to a second opinion and your GP is bloody useless. Call the surgery, ask if any of the GPs speclialises in women's health or menopause, and if so ask to see that doctor. If no one does, ask the receptionist who they recommend you see, as your GP has been no help;
  • TBH, it sounds like you need to have a hysterectomy. Has anyone discussed this with you? If not, when you see the new GP, ask if this is being considered;
  • Your digestive issues sound intolerable, but as a fellow sufferer of IBS I sympathise a lot. However, as a woman of 50 with IBS who is on HRT (Mirena coil and Oestrogel), plus Lansoprazole for acid reflux, I would be in a very similar state to you if I wasn't on the medication I am, which doesn't get rid of all my symptoms, but it really, really helps. I'm shocked that no one has offered you a PPI (proton-pump inhibitor) for your gastric issues - again your GP sounds bloody useless!!
cheezncrackers · 11/11/2024 09:57

I see from your post (while I was typing) that you have changed GP already. Good! Definitely push for a referral menopause clinic - this should've been offered to you from start given all your symptoms and family history of breast cancer.

CatPlanet · 11/11/2024 09:57

I was feeling like this re: MH issues and am also peri, but not on HRT. I have started taking fluoxetine and propranolol and it has helped me immensely. Initially the anxiety was sky high but once the medication settled it has worked well. I’m still waiting for a GP appt to discuss HRT but not overly hopeful. In the meantime I take Yakult probiotic drink daily, psyllium fibre, and also perimenopause supplement (Health & Her). I haven’t tried Menopace but have heard good things about it. I take Melatonin to sleep (ordered online from the US).

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 10:03

DustyLee123 · 11/11/2024 09:37

I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

There really are no words for this 🙄

It doesn't surprise me, I have no idea why they latch on to one random thing and use it as a measure of ruling things out. My GP once told me I couldn't possibly have clinical depression because I was sleeping well.

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 10:05

TreesWelliesKnees · 11/11/2024 09:52

Ask for a referral to your nearest NHS menopause clinic. While you wait, maybe ask the gp to prescribe an anti depressant like sertraline. Anti depressants aren't meant to be the first treatment choice for perimenopause, that's supposed to be HRT, but they can work well. My GP didn't want to give me HRT until I was 45 so I took sertraline instead at 44 because the mental health symptoms were the most troublesome. They helped with everything including hot flushes, sleep etc. (I did switch to HRT later, but I would say for the mental health side of things sertraline was better.)

There is a lot of evidence that serotonin is made in the gut AND is impacted by low oestrogen, so if you have gut issues it may be causing the mental health issues. That might be worth further research on Dr Google!

It varies by person, Sertraline made me worse - escalated to suicide attempts. I was much better off it.

dutysuite · 11/11/2024 10:06

My GP surgery was awful when it came to menopause, I’m 45 and for a couple of years my symptoms were dismissed by every GP I saw at my surgery. I was starting to feel suicidal, I eventually broke down and made a complaint to the practice manager and was finally listened to. I was prescribed a low dosage of HRT I opted for the gel .No one at my surgery specialises in women’s health and the GP was actually googling during my appointment.

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 10:19

TreesWelliesKnees · 11/11/2024 09:52

Ask for a referral to your nearest NHS menopause clinic. While you wait, maybe ask the gp to prescribe an anti depressant like sertraline. Anti depressants aren't meant to be the first treatment choice for perimenopause, that's supposed to be HRT, but they can work well. My GP didn't want to give me HRT until I was 45 so I took sertraline instead at 44 because the mental health symptoms were the most troublesome. They helped with everything including hot flushes, sleep etc. (I did switch to HRT later, but I would say for the mental health side of things sertraline was better.)

There is a lot of evidence that serotonin is made in the gut AND is impacted by low oestrogen, so if you have gut issues it may be causing the mental health issues. That might be worth further research on Dr Google!

Thank you, I have thought about taking some antidepressants, even if it's just to get me through the stressful period of caring for my mum but I am so worried they will make my digestive issues worse, I keep reading they cause awful diarrhoea?

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 10:25

cheezncrackers · 11/11/2024 09:54

  • Demand to see another GP - you have a right to a second opinion and your GP is bloody useless. Call the surgery, ask if any of the GPs speclialises in women's health or menopause, and if so ask to see that doctor. If no one does, ask the receptionist who they recommend you see, as your GP has been no help;
  • TBH, it sounds like you need to have a hysterectomy. Has anyone discussed this with you? If not, when you see the new GP, ask if this is being considered;
  • Your digestive issues sound intolerable, but as a fellow sufferer of IBS I sympathise a lot. However, as a woman of 50 with IBS who is on HRT (Mirena coil and Oestrogel), plus Lansoprazole for acid reflux, I would be in a very similar state to you if I wasn't on the medication I am, which doesn't get rid of all my symptoms, but it really, really helps. I'm shocked that no one has offered you a PPI (proton-pump inhibitor) for your gastric issues - again your GP sounds bloody useless!!

I asked the endo gynae about a hysterectomy but he went out of his way to put me off citing all the negatives and all that can go wrong. I can't help but wonder if it's about saving the NHS money though because I saw a gynae privately (a very popular endo gynae who also runs from the same NHS hospital) and he was more than happy to suggest a hysterectomy but at a cost of £12k which I simply can not afford.

My digestive issues have really taken over my life right now. I have tried PPI's but I ended up with daily aura migraines so had to give up the meds.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 10:28

CatPlanet · 11/11/2024 09:57

I was feeling like this re: MH issues and am also peri, but not on HRT. I have started taking fluoxetine and propranolol and it has helped me immensely. Initially the anxiety was sky high but once the medication settled it has worked well. I’m still waiting for a GP appt to discuss HRT but not overly hopeful. In the meantime I take Yakult probiotic drink daily, psyllium fibre, and also perimenopause supplement (Health & Her). I haven’t tried Menopace but have heard good things about it. I take Melatonin to sleep (ordered online from the US).

Thank you. I have been offered Fluoxetine (this med is actually helping my rescue dog), I do need to try it, just need to get over the fear of the initial side effects.

Does the psyllium husk help with ibs-d? I worry any extra fibre may make things worse.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 10:30

dutysuite · 11/11/2024 10:06

My GP surgery was awful when it came to menopause, I’m 45 and for a couple of years my symptoms were dismissed by every GP I saw at my surgery. I was starting to feel suicidal, I eventually broke down and made a complaint to the practice manager and was finally listened to. I was prescribed a low dosage of HRT I opted for the gel .No one at my surgery specialises in women’s health and the GP was actually googling during my appointment.

That is truly dreadful.

OP posts:
cheezncrackers · 11/11/2024 10:31

I can't help but wonder if it's about saving the NHS money

Yes, I've heard exactly that! A good friend of mine had horrendous fibroids, flooding, pain, you name it and she had to fight tooth and nail for her hysterectomy over a number of years. She finally got it. I think you just have to be the squeaky wheel, not take no for an answer and keep on and on until they take you seriously. It IS a big operation and it does take minimum weeks and often months to recover, but the relief when that recovery is over seems to be worth it for those who are really suffering.

Maray1967 · 11/11/2024 10:35

dutysuite · 11/11/2024 10:06

My GP surgery was awful when it came to menopause, I’m 45 and for a couple of years my symptoms were dismissed by every GP I saw at my surgery. I was starting to feel suicidal, I eventually broke down and made a complaint to the practice manager and was finally listened to. I was prescribed a low dosage of HRT I opted for the gel .No one at my surgery specialises in women’s health and the GP was actually googling during my appointment.

This is absolutely appalling. I am so lucky to have a GP surgery mostly staffed by very competent women. I did a short time on HRT after premature removal of ovaries for cancer prevention and two GPs were in my appointment discussing the best way forward as they have different views on HRT. They treated me as an intelligent person and set out the pros and cons. I took it for six months but not longer as I had some side effects and the bone density scan was ok.

That was 15 years ago. It is wholly unacceptable that women are being failed in this way now. I’m enraged by women being expected to have hysteroscopies etc without anaesthetic, or being dismissed with peri menopause symptoms.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 11/11/2024 10:36

Keep pushing. Don't presume because a GP is female they will have any more expertise or be any more helpful than a male GP, I've seen pretty crap female GPs re this who have been zero help, they just don't have the training.

If you can, get to a private Menopause specialist. I know you can't afford it, but in the situation you're in, you can't afford not to. It would be worth cutting back everywhere else for year in order to be able to afford it.

Lillamy21 · 11/11/2024 10:37

Have you tried acupuncture. It seems many of your symptoms are systemic and probably connected so it might be worth seeing someone who can treat you as a whole. I have had some good success with acupuncture for various things and it has been really helpful resolving my son's childhood asthma so he doesn't need to use an inhaler. I realise it costs money which is of course a barrier but maybe a few treatments are worth saving up for or forgoing some deliveroos for etc if they help it would be priceless it seems.

Maray1967 · 11/11/2024 10:38

This might be a very unpopular suggestion, but is there anyone who might take the dog off you at least for a while? You have so much on your plate - and must be spending money on caring for the dog that you need to spend on yourself. You shouldn’t have to go private, but that’s the way it is now.

SharpOpalNewt · 11/11/2024 10:49

Sorry to hear this, OP. It sounds like you are having an utterly shit time of it.

It sounds like there may be more to it given everything you've been through. Has the GP suggested anything like propanolol for the anxiety or an anti-depressant? I know women sometimes get fobbed off with these instead of sorting out menopause issues but in this case perhaps something else is required. What others have said about going private if you can for the menopause and digestive issues, unless you have a really good well woman GP available.

I would also try and find a really good yoga teacher and go to a regular class rather than doing some "yoga stretches" on your own. Doing yoga properly might even sort a few of the issues out- sounds like your body is permanently stressed and in fight/flight mode. Yoga gets your parasympathetic nervous system going which is the opposite.

INeedNewShoes · 11/11/2024 10:49

I haven't rtft but on the digestive system issues OP, have you also cut out all gums? They are the only food to have been found reliably in studies to cause damage to the gut. Carageenan is by far the worst offender but also xanthan, guar etc. If I eat these I get a sore mouth, sore rear end and it flares my IBD. Basically any thickeners. Unfortunately gluten free vegan products are full of these so people who cut out what and dairy from their diet often end up consuming more of these and then the gut issues ramp up.

zeibesaffron · 11/11/2024 10:56

Hi, I too have IBS and endometriosis and have had pulmonary embolisms. There is no BC history in my family.

I struggled with my peri menopause symptoms- it was bloody awful. I would get up, function, cry a bit and go to bed - some days in the hope I wouldn’t wake up again.

GP wrote to the consultant at the hospital and they devised a plan for me it did take 6-8 weeks for this to happen. As I was already on the mirena coil they added in the estrogen gel, and recommended vitamin D (high strength) to help with low mood and collagen supplements to support bone strength and hair growth. I struggled with the PPI meds for reflux etc so rely on gaviscon dual tablets which isn’t great but something like buscapan makes the issue worse for me.

The coil and gel have been a game changer - I was told the risk of BC does increase but not much at lower levels. I take 2 pumps of gel a day and could probably do with that increasing to 3 but my GP won’t do that without consultation with the consultant.

I know Louise Newson has been in the news lately but her app does have some good information on it about the risks of HRT. Which can help you make an informed choice.

Hope you find a solution soon xxx

Jay3004 · 11/11/2024 11:09

Just as an aside I take Fluoxetine for OCD and have also suffered for years with IBS and other stomach issues. It’s helped my OCD and anxiety massively and hasn’t had any negative affects on my stomach so could be worth a try OP.

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