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Menopause

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Perimenopause is destroying me and no one seems to be able to help - what can I do?

89 replies

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 09:27

I am 51 (52 in March). Since the age of around 45 my mind, body and soul have been failing me. I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

Well, I am still having a cycle and have minimal sweats but boy, everything else is going to pot.

I have suffered with poor mental health since childhood and have expereinced gynae issues and gut issues since my early 20's but it is as though a bomb has exploded in my body.

I suffer from daily anxiety, panic and a feeling of utter terror. It's as though a dial has been turned to the max on my mental health, I can't quite articulate just how bad I feel mentally. I wake up in a panic every day and long for each day to pass quickly so I can crawl back into bed. Nothing, absolutely nothing gives me any pleasure throughout my day to day life. I cry at the drop of a hat and can have angry outbursts too. I feel worn out and depressed.

My 26 year 'battle' with IBS and digestive issues (from mouth to tail) have only worsened over these last 6 years. I have had cameras up, cameras down and scans etc but nothing found so I am just left to my own devices with this issue. I try everything to get my gut health back on track, I eat a basic, low fodmap diet, I only drink water, no dairy, no gluten/wheat, minimal sugar etc. I exercise (walking the dog for at least an hour each day and do some yoga stretches every evening). I listen to hypnotherapy and practise meditation yet still my gut issues continue with daily acid, burping, nausea, bloating, gas, excessive stomach gurgling, constipation/diarrhoea (often together!?) and I have a strong gasto colic reflex so often need the loo soon after eating which is most depressing. I despise my digestive system of late.

After being seen by the same gynae department for the last 12 years and enduring endless hysteroscopies and polyp removals (5 times) and a failed uterine ablation it was discovered via a mri last December that I actually have deep endometriosis and adenomyosis. I am now left on a waiting list until next year to have a laparoscopy. The gynae has been of little help and tbh I am certain he is just hoping that I will soon go into menopause and he won't have to bother with me.

I have had enough. All of my life stresses have come at the worst time. I have elderly parents living near by, my mother suffers from Alzheimers and breast cancer and I help my dad care for her. I have a 19 and 16 year old at home, a very anxious and reactive rescue dog who needs constant training/attention and a poor dh who is often the brunt of my anguish/outbursts. And to top it all I lost my job last week and the thought of job hunting and interviews when my confidence is at an all time low is keeping my awake at night.

My GP has been of little help and because of my history with the endometriosis and failed uterine ablation (any bleeding now causes me excessive pain) and my mum's beast cancer diagnosis, she is loathe to offer me hrt as she says it is out of her level of expertise and tbh I am too scared to take it since my mum's diagnosis and discovering some of her first cousins also have bc (one died in her 60's). The gp has advised I go see an alternative therapist in our local town. I simply can not afford this.

Sorry, such a long and boring post but could anyone suggest anything I could try which will harmonise everything, help slot everything back into place of some sorts. I can't go on with so many of my body parts and mind failing me, I feel as though I am heading for a breakdown.

OP posts:
Picklebee · 13/11/2024 13:32

ManyYearsLater · 13/11/2024 09:21

It is not going to sound like it but my is husband is a good person but has zero understanding of what I am going through. He thinks I can simply give up caring for my mum and that I need to just think positively and many of my symptoms will ease off. Tbh, I think the whole thing is boring him right now. He says the NHS should be looking after me and most private doctors are a 'rip off'.

So no, sadly my dh will not can not help me and I will leave it there before I rant any further on that subject as it's a bone of contention right now.

I simply don't understand how this can be so complicated for me. I called the surgery again yesterday. They said they have received no reply back from my gynae regarding his opinion/advice on hrt (tbh, I already know the answer to this having formed my own opinion on this person), they said I will need to wait until he replies so I took matters into my own hands and rung the gynae secretary. She said she could not see any correspondence from my GP from September but it could be on his desk. She then went on to say that he has very little knowledge on hrt and would only recommend that I am referred to the menopause clinic and as you have already said, that has a long waiting list. So I have had to email the surgery and pass this message on. My GP is part time and won't be in now until Friday.

Having spend hours and hours trawling through the internet I kind of know what I would like to try. I would like to try Utrogestan vaginally so it does not to put any extra stress onto my already super sensitive gut and then start with the lowest dose of estrogel possible and maybe work up from there. I mentioned this to another GP at the surgery around a year ago and she advised against this, one because Utrogestan vaginally is only advised for fertility issues on the NHS and because (in her words) the tablet form of progesterone causes blood clots. Firstly, I have no clot risk and secondly I know this is not true for Utrogestan but is a possibility with other progestin tablets but hey, she's the GP, she knows best 🙄

It's about time the doctors at my surgery went on some menopause awareness courses.

Sorry your DH isn't being very supportive in terms of seeking support outside of your regular GP. Maybe if he ever comes up against a GP that is basically not interested and it simply a nightmare to try and sort anything, he will understand!!

That's interesting what you've said about vaginal progesterone. As I haven't even tried to push for HRT yet (I do use Vagirux however), this is of great interest to my as fellow major IBS sufferer. Does anyone know of a resource I can arm myself with in terms of taking progesterone vaginally for menopausal symptoms?

Good luck seeking some decent private help OP, keep us posted.

Thank you again for starting this thread. For many of us, me very much included, it cam be a lifeline when it can feels like you have no one, in real life 💐

JinglingSpringbells · 13/11/2024 13:37

Does anyone know of a resource I can arm myself with in terms of taking progesterone vaginally for menopausal symptoms?

It's common guidance and if you really want the 'okay' read the IMS White Paper (International Menopause Society) where this is covered or maybe try googling the British Menopause Society /progesterone/HRT. It's in there.

The other thing is your GP isn't watching you use HRT! They won't know how you use it and it's the same capsule.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 13/11/2024 14:26

Bless you, OP. You've been treated terribly by your doctor and I totally empathise what that's like. I've been suffering awful perimenopause symptoms for about 5 years now, but before that, I was very ill after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label psychotropic drugs for severe anxiety and insomnia. The antipsychotic drug given to me gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined,with involuntary movements of different body parts including my mouth and tongue 😪

It's horrendous and I hate it, and like you, I hate the waking hours too. I feel so gaslighted by the medical professionals, and I hate how my perimenopause symptoms are the icing on the cake of everything else. Just a few days ago before my period started, I began having horrendous pain on the soles of my feet. I'd never had this symptom before, so it's another to add to the list of sore gums, migraines, dry eyes, excess saliva, brain fog, sore vagina, and most likely worsening involuntary movements 😫😭

Sending huge hugs. I understand. I'm actually pretty scared to try HRT as I'm worried it might exacerbate my movements but I need to do something. I can't live this hell for the next couple of decades 😳

ManyYearsLater · 13/11/2024 14:43

Picklebee · 13/11/2024 13:32

Sorry your DH isn't being very supportive in terms of seeking support outside of your regular GP. Maybe if he ever comes up against a GP that is basically not interested and it simply a nightmare to try and sort anything, he will understand!!

That's interesting what you've said about vaginal progesterone. As I haven't even tried to push for HRT yet (I do use Vagirux however), this is of great interest to my as fellow major IBS sufferer. Does anyone know of a resource I can arm myself with in terms of taking progesterone vaginally for menopausal symptoms?

Good luck seeking some decent private help OP, keep us posted.

Thank you again for starting this thread. For many of us, me very much included, it cam be a lifeline when it can feels like you have no one, in real life 💐

Thank you.

The only reason I knew that utrogestan can be used vaginally was down to the IBS support groups I follow on FB. Some of the ladies on there were experiencing gut issues when using this orally but found the issues weren't quite so bad the other way.

I hope you manage to get some relief soon too, take care.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 13/11/2024 14:51

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 13/11/2024 14:26

Bless you, OP. You've been treated terribly by your doctor and I totally empathise what that's like. I've been suffering awful perimenopause symptoms for about 5 years now, but before that, I was very ill after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label psychotropic drugs for severe anxiety and insomnia. The antipsychotic drug given to me gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined,with involuntary movements of different body parts including my mouth and tongue 😪

It's horrendous and I hate it, and like you, I hate the waking hours too. I feel so gaslighted by the medical professionals, and I hate how my perimenopause symptoms are the icing on the cake of everything else. Just a few days ago before my period started, I began having horrendous pain on the soles of my feet. I'd never had this symptom before, so it's another to add to the list of sore gums, migraines, dry eyes, excess saliva, brain fog, sore vagina, and most likely worsening involuntary movements 😫😭

Sending huge hugs. I understand. I'm actually pretty scared to try HRT as I'm worried it might exacerbate my movements but I need to do something. I can't live this hell for the next couple of decades 😳

I'm so sorry you've been through all of this.

I have little faith in some sections of the NHS. I've been gaslit my the same gynae department for the last 20 years. Endless gynae issues resulting in endless gynae procedures every year since 2011 and it was only at the age of 50 I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis and even then it was only because I pleaded for a MRI as I have ended up with a failed uterine ablation and the gynae was fobbing me off with painkillers.

In saying that my dear mum was diagnosed with breast cancer this year and I have nothing but praise for the breast cancer department at the same hospital, they are fantastic.

I hope you manage to find some relief from hrt. Peri is no fun full stop but harder with additional health worries.

OP posts:
HootyMcBooby · 14/11/2024 16:51

I'm utterly flummoxed at people being refused HRT from their doctors or being made to jump through hoops to get it.
I just started HRT this week,.
I didn't see a doctor at all.

I used Boots online doctor service. They run you through an online questionnaire, and if you know your blood pressure reading (I do) and answer all the health questions, they will decide for you and give you a list of options.
Because I had already done my research I knew what HRT I wanted to try and this was on the list of about 20 options they gave me, the pharmacist emailed me and the meds were sent out the next day.
All for £44 for a three month supply (Femoston 1/10mg).
They will be in touch in two months to see how I am getting on.

Now, I know that this isn't for everybody and some women would not feel comfortable doing it this way, but for those who struggle to see a GP (currently 1 month or more for us) and have a pretty uncomplicated medical history, it's a great service, you can contact them at any time with questions and they are very helpful and responsive.

If you have an idea of what you'd like to try, they really will take this into consideration. Just answer the questions truthfully and fully.

The symptoms I have are brain fog, extremely stiff and sore joints (this is actually the worst one for me), some hair thinning and periods starting to get unpredictable. NO hot flushes. A little bit insomnia.

I'm on day three.

Tina159 · 14/11/2024 17:08

I have IBS OP, fortunately mine is helped a lot by avoiding certain foods (alliums). Two things I would recommend though - an A-Z vitamin, low iron etc can leave you very anxious and you may not be absorbing the nutrients you need. And an all round digestive enzyme tablet. I get both from Holland and Barratt and if i know I'm going to have something with onions and garlic in I'll take an enzyme and I don't get the stomach pain and shits.

ManyYearsLater · 15/11/2024 16:08

Tina159 · 14/11/2024 17:08

I have IBS OP, fortunately mine is helped a lot by avoiding certain foods (alliums). Two things I would recommend though - an A-Z vitamin, low iron etc can leave you very anxious and you may not be absorbing the nutrients you need. And an all round digestive enzyme tablet. I get both from Holland and Barratt and if i know I'm going to have something with onions and garlic in I'll take an enzyme and I don't get the stomach pain and shits.

I went by for years with very low iron and eventually had infusions 2 years ago so thankfully I now have good levels. I do take digestive enzymes but maybe I need to try a different brand.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 15/11/2024 16:10

Just to say that I have booked an appointment with a private gynae next week. She specialises in endometriosis, menopause and hrt, I am hoping she may be able to help. Her secretary was quite positive that she can.

I will stick the consultation fee on my credit card and worry about it later.

OP posts:
Cornishbelle · 16/11/2024 10:13

Hope you get some answers @ManyYearsLater

Lunellle111 · 17/11/2025 12:32

Hi OP
How did your appointment go and how are you now x

JinglingSpringbells · 17/11/2025 13:22

Lunellle111 · 17/11/2025 12:32

Hi OP
How did your appointment go and how are you now x

This thread is a year old.

Jade3450 · 22/11/2025 12:22

I would push and push for a hysterectomy in your position. I mean don’t stop going on at them until they agree.

Then I would ask for transdermal oestrogen. This is very low risk even for people with a history of cancer - besides, your quality of life at the moment sounds so poor that I would say the risks are outweighed by the potential benefits.

By the way, I found that my IBS symptoms largely resolved when I started taking HRT. Kefir daily also helped.

101trees · 23/11/2025 08:12

Have you been seen by the endometriosis clinic at all yet?

I'm younger than you (40), but when I saw them they told me the first line response is to try hormonal management (i.e. switch off menstrual cycle to see if it improves).

I got the consultant I saw in the clinic (who was an expert in hormones because her whole job is hormonal management of endo) to put in the letter to my GP that endometriosis is not a contraindication for HRT so, if I say I need it, they should prescribe it.

That was how I got my HRT prescription from the GP. They are very reluctant to prescribe once you're under a specialist.

If you've been seen by a specialist clinic already then you can contact them to ask questions like this, you don't just have to sit and wait.

You can call the hospital and ask for the email address / phone number of the medical secretary of the consultant you saw and email them with questions for the consultant. They should get back to you. Be really persistent and annoying if you don't hear back within a week. Best of luck.

PS - I also saw a women's health physio who was good with the digestive issues. She did this massage thing like people do with colicky babies and it was surprisingly effective. You can self refer for physio on the NHS in most places, if not then your GP can refer.

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