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Menopause

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Perimenopause is destroying me and no one seems to be able to help - what can I do?

89 replies

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 09:27

I am 51 (52 in March). Since the age of around 45 my mind, body and soul have been failing me. I was told by my GP at 45 I was not in peri because I was still having a cycle and experiencing no sweats.

Well, I am still having a cycle and have minimal sweats but boy, everything else is going to pot.

I have suffered with poor mental health since childhood and have expereinced gynae issues and gut issues since my early 20's but it is as though a bomb has exploded in my body.

I suffer from daily anxiety, panic and a feeling of utter terror. It's as though a dial has been turned to the max on my mental health, I can't quite articulate just how bad I feel mentally. I wake up in a panic every day and long for each day to pass quickly so I can crawl back into bed. Nothing, absolutely nothing gives me any pleasure throughout my day to day life. I cry at the drop of a hat and can have angry outbursts too. I feel worn out and depressed.

My 26 year 'battle' with IBS and digestive issues (from mouth to tail) have only worsened over these last 6 years. I have had cameras up, cameras down and scans etc but nothing found so I am just left to my own devices with this issue. I try everything to get my gut health back on track, I eat a basic, low fodmap diet, I only drink water, no dairy, no gluten/wheat, minimal sugar etc. I exercise (walking the dog for at least an hour each day and do some yoga stretches every evening). I listen to hypnotherapy and practise meditation yet still my gut issues continue with daily acid, burping, nausea, bloating, gas, excessive stomach gurgling, constipation/diarrhoea (often together!?) and I have a strong gasto colic reflex so often need the loo soon after eating which is most depressing. I despise my digestive system of late.

After being seen by the same gynae department for the last 12 years and enduring endless hysteroscopies and polyp removals (5 times) and a failed uterine ablation it was discovered via a mri last December that I actually have deep endometriosis and adenomyosis. I am now left on a waiting list until next year to have a laparoscopy. The gynae has been of little help and tbh I am certain he is just hoping that I will soon go into menopause and he won't have to bother with me.

I have had enough. All of my life stresses have come at the worst time. I have elderly parents living near by, my mother suffers from Alzheimers and breast cancer and I help my dad care for her. I have a 19 and 16 year old at home, a very anxious and reactive rescue dog who needs constant training/attention and a poor dh who is often the brunt of my anguish/outbursts. And to top it all I lost my job last week and the thought of job hunting and interviews when my confidence is at an all time low is keeping my awake at night.

My GP has been of little help and because of my history with the endometriosis and failed uterine ablation (any bleeding now causes me excessive pain) and my mum's beast cancer diagnosis, she is loathe to offer me hrt as she says it is out of her level of expertise and tbh I am too scared to take it since my mum's diagnosis and discovering some of her first cousins also have bc (one died in her 60's). The gp has advised I go see an alternative therapist in our local town. I simply can not afford this.

Sorry, such a long and boring post but could anyone suggest anything I could try which will harmonise everything, help slot everything back into place of some sorts. I can't go on with so many of my body parts and mind failing me, I feel as though I am heading for a breakdown.

OP posts:
TreesWelliesKnees · 11/11/2024 12:50

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 10:05

It varies by person, Sertraline made me worse - escalated to suicide attempts. I was much better off it.

Oh, how awful. I'm sorry. I knew it could make things worse for a few weeks at the start. I just felt sleepy for a few weeks. It seems very hit and miss sometimes with all treatments - no way to know until you try. Still, it's worth the OP having a discussion with the GP. I just wanted to share my positive experience but I'm certainly not a doctor. I hope you found something that worked for you in the end.

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 15:18

Thank you everyone.
As much as I would love to go and see someone privately and have acupuncture (I have been wanting to do this for ages) I just don't have the funds and even more so now I have lost my job but I will call the doctors surgery today and see if I can get referred to the menopause clinic at the local hospital.

INeedNewShoes Oh yes, gums are a nightmare for me too, I stay well away from them. I have to eat naturally gluten free foods and try to make everything myself.

Jay3004 Thank you, that's reassuring. I have the box of fluoxetine sitting looking at me, I do need to bite the bullet and try them.

OP posts:
Jay3004 · 11/11/2024 15:55

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 15:18

Thank you everyone.
As much as I would love to go and see someone privately and have acupuncture (I have been wanting to do this for ages) I just don't have the funds and even more so now I have lost my job but I will call the doctors surgery today and see if I can get referred to the menopause clinic at the local hospital.

INeedNewShoes Oh yes, gums are a nightmare for me too, I stay well away from them. I have to eat naturally gluten free foods and try to make everything myself.

Jay3004 Thank you, that's reassuring. I have the box of fluoxetine sitting looking at me, I do need to bite the bullet and try them.

They’ve honestly been life changing for me. The only side effect I had was feeling a bit nauseous for a week or so and nothing else since although I know everyone is different.

JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 16:40

@ManyYearsLater I've not read all your posts and will come back but my first reaction is do you have the funds to see a menopause specialist privately?
NHS meno clinics often have a waiting list of months and months.

I don't like assuming anyone can afford this but to be honest you could probably see someone very good within 2- 4 weeks and on your way to treatment. If they prescribed HRT your GP could continue with the repeats.

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 16:56

JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 16:40

@ManyYearsLater I've not read all your posts and will come back but my first reaction is do you have the funds to see a menopause specialist privately?
NHS meno clinics often have a waiting list of months and months.

I don't like assuming anyone can afford this but to be honest you could probably see someone very good within 2- 4 weeks and on your way to treatment. If they prescribed HRT your GP could continue with the repeats.

Thank you.

Sadly any private appointments atm are completely out of the question. I lost my job last week.

OP posts:
JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 16:58

Coming back to your post now @ManyYearsLater
This is only my experience and what I've learned along the way.
What I'm posting here is medical guidance which you (or your GP!) can find online. Some of it is very easily accessed, especially the breast cancer risk.

1 Endo and adeno are not contraindications for HRT. I have adeno and have been on HRT for a long time. If you were to use progesterone every day this helps to reduce the effects of estrogen on endo and adeno.

2 The 'rule' around breast cancer is that if you have two immediate relatives which is your mum and a sister with early BC, there is some caution on prescribing. In those cases, they suggest a genetic BRACa test. One family member is not considered a risk because only 10% of BC has a genetic link.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/family-history-of-breast-cancer-should-i-take-hrt-factsheet/#:~:text=There%20is%20some%20evidence%20that,still%20usually%20take%20HRT%20safely.

3 The newest forms of HRT which include micronised progesterone (as the progesterone) are considered safe re. BC for at least 5 years (no added risk.)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29384406/: (1) estrogens combined with oral (approved) or vaginal (off-label use) micronized progesterone do not increase breast cancer risk for up to 5 years of treatment duration;

It's very disappointing for you that your GP is not familiar with this as it's basic stuff and easily accessed if they took time to read online.
Maybe you could print off these links/papers and take to your GP?

There is also evidence that HRT prevents bowel cancer so for anyone with gut issues it may have a positive effect on the gut lining.

Your GP ought to be willing to give you a 3 to 6 month trial of HRT .

Seen your update on private appts. Push your GP and challenge them.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 17:05

JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 16:58

Coming back to your post now @ManyYearsLater
This is only my experience and what I've learned along the way.
What I'm posting here is medical guidance which you (or your GP!) can find online. Some of it is very easily accessed, especially the breast cancer risk.

1 Endo and adeno are not contraindications for HRT. I have adeno and have been on HRT for a long time. If you were to use progesterone every day this helps to reduce the effects of estrogen on endo and adeno.

2 The 'rule' around breast cancer is that if you have two immediate relatives which is your mum and a sister with early BC, there is some caution on prescribing. In those cases, they suggest a genetic BRACa test. One family member is not considered a risk because only 10% of BC has a genetic link.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/family-history-of-breast-cancer-should-i-take-hrt-factsheet/#:~:text=There%20is%20some%20evidence%20that,still%20usually%20take%20HRT%20safely.

3 The newest forms of HRT which include micronised progesterone (as the progesterone) are considered safe re. BC for at least 5 years (no added risk.)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29384406/: (1) estrogens combined with oral (approved) or vaginal (off-label use) micronized progesterone do not increase breast cancer risk for up to 5 years of treatment duration;

It's very disappointing for you that your GP is not familiar with this as it's basic stuff and easily accessed if they took time to read online.
Maybe you could print off these links/papers and take to your GP?

There is also evidence that HRT prevents bowel cancer so for anyone with gut issues it may have a positive effect on the gut lining.

Your GP ought to be willing to give you a 3 to 6 month trial of HRT .

Seen your update on private appts. Push your GP and challenge them.

Edited

Am I right that breast cancer in female relatives on the father's side isn't considered a danger?

JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 17:07

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2024 17:05

Am I right that breast cancer in female relatives on the father's side isn't considered a danger?

I have no idea- sorry. Have you tried a search online? There is a link between mothers /females with BC and their sons developing prostate cancer.

Itoldyousoo · 11/11/2024 17:11

@ManyYearsLater have you considered Bike Acid Malabsorption as the source of your gastric issues?

ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 19:53

JinglingSpringbells · 11/11/2024 16:58

Coming back to your post now @ManyYearsLater
This is only my experience and what I've learned along the way.
What I'm posting here is medical guidance which you (or your GP!) can find online. Some of it is very easily accessed, especially the breast cancer risk.

1 Endo and adeno are not contraindications for HRT. I have adeno and have been on HRT for a long time. If you were to use progesterone every day this helps to reduce the effects of estrogen on endo and adeno.

2 The 'rule' around breast cancer is that if you have two immediate relatives which is your mum and a sister with early BC, there is some caution on prescribing. In those cases, they suggest a genetic BRACa test. One family member is not considered a risk because only 10% of BC has a genetic link.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/family-history-of-breast-cancer-should-i-take-hrt-factsheet/#:~:text=There%20is%20some%20evidence%20that,still%20usually%20take%20HRT%20safely.

3 The newest forms of HRT which include micronised progesterone (as the progesterone) are considered safe re. BC for at least 5 years (no added risk.)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29384406/: (1) estrogens combined with oral (approved) or vaginal (off-label use) micronized progesterone do not increase breast cancer risk for up to 5 years of treatment duration;

It's very disappointing for you that your GP is not familiar with this as it's basic stuff and easily accessed if they took time to read online.
Maybe you could print off these links/papers and take to your GP?

There is also evidence that HRT prevents bowel cancer so for anyone with gut issues it may have a positive effect on the gut lining.

Your GP ought to be willing to give you a 3 to 6 month trial of HRT .

Seen your update on private appts. Push your GP and challenge them.

Edited

Thank you so much JinglingSpringbells this is all so very helpful.
I shall print it all off and make an appointment to see a GP.

Tbh, I am very disappointed, I have been going between gynaecologists and GPs and none seem very well informed on menopause. In fact, my gynae wasn't at all interested when I asked him about hrt.

Both my parents are only children so no aunties, cousins or other close female relatives alive (apart from my younger dsis). As far as I know, apart from my mum's two cousins, there are no other family members who have suffered from BC. Tbh, it was a complete shock when mum was diagnosed this year at the age of 81 because I didn't think there was any BC in the family (most in mum's family have died from strokes or heart disease), mum also has dementia, heart disease and osteoporosis which is why I probably need to try hrt. Unfortunately her cancer may have been there for a while. It's hormonally driven but thankfully hasn't spread and is under control with tamoxifen.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 11/11/2024 19:57

Itoldyousoo · 11/11/2024 17:11

@ManyYearsLater have you considered Bike Acid Malabsorption as the source of your gastric issues?

I had the scan last year, all clear thankfully.

OP posts:
ManyYearsLater · 12/11/2024 09:42

Argh, I feel as though I am just going round in circles and being permanently fobbed off by the NHS.

Spoke to the surgery, they said the gp had contacted my gynae on the 9th September regarding the hrt and to date there has been no response back from him and I will just need to wait. I have taken matters into my own hands and have just contacted his secretary, she can not locate the enquiry from the gp but has advised me that he has little knowledge of HRT (I had told the gp this as I asked him myself during our last consultation) and his advice would be to get a referral to the menopause clinic but my gp will have to arrange this.

I have just called the surgery. I started off caller no.20 and 30 mins in I am still only caller no 15. So I will now have to drive to the surgery and have to explain all of this to the receptionist and will probably still end up going round in circles.

All this hassle just to get some replacement hormones ffs!

OP posts:
canyouletthedogoutplease · 12/11/2024 14:01

From experience you can't rely on the NHS GPs to have the first clue about HRT or menopause, unless you strike gold with one that's shown a personal interest and even then you have their own experience and bias to navigate.

The best thing you can do is your own research to present, check over NICE guidelines before an appointment and have questions and requests lined up to go in with.

Don't give up, I was in all kinds of bother have been told the most utter claptrap by a female GP who apparently specialised in Womens Health. Push for those appointments and knowledge is power.

LifeExperience · 12/11/2024 14:04

Can you get progesterone cream in the UK? I started peri at age 36 and it was a godsend.

Cattery · 12/11/2024 14:09

Ask your GP for Citalopram. It’s changed my life x

Haroldwilson · 12/11/2024 14:21

Re cost of private acupuncture etc. it might be worth googling around - some places have community clinics, 'pay what you can afford' sessions or students doing freebies - I'd look up herbalists as well.

And find some relaxations on YouTube, a guided meditation for five mins a day might make a big difference to your stress levels.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 12/11/2024 14:23

I would be cancelling Christmas, the next couple of years Holidays, and selling everything I could get my hands on on Vinted to scrape together the money for a private appointment. It has changed my life, saved my relationship and that with my DC. I can't overstate how much of a difference it has made.

quoque · 12/11/2024 14:27

I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I'm shocked your GP didn't get you on HRT as a first response - it changed my life and I was presecribed it much younger than you for peri. Could you book an online appointment with a private GP specifically for this?

quoque · 12/11/2024 14:30

ManyYearsLater · 12/11/2024 09:42

Argh, I feel as though I am just going round in circles and being permanently fobbed off by the NHS.

Spoke to the surgery, they said the gp had contacted my gynae on the 9th September regarding the hrt and to date there has been no response back from him and I will just need to wait. I have taken matters into my own hands and have just contacted his secretary, she can not locate the enquiry from the gp but has advised me that he has little knowledge of HRT (I had told the gp this as I asked him myself during our last consultation) and his advice would be to get a referral to the menopause clinic but my gp will have to arrange this.

I have just called the surgery. I started off caller no.20 and 30 mins in I am still only caller no 15. So I will now have to drive to the surgery and have to explain all of this to the receptionist and will probably still end up going round in circles.

All this hassle just to get some replacement hormones ffs!

Keep pushing! Why should you "just wait" for a simple, low risk medication that you NEED to function normally?

For those suggesting acupuncture, meditation etc. that is very thoughtful and can really help at the start or if it's mild, but for some people perimenopause goes far far beyond this and needs formal, prescription medication to treat. Like the difference between feeling a bit low and suffering from clinical depression.

Toomanysquishmallows · 12/11/2024 18:50

I would like to echo a previous poster and say could anyone help with the dog for a bit ?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/11/2024 19:10

Fucking hell.Im 44 told gp over the phone some symptoms and got prescription for HRT within a week.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/11/2024 19:11

No hot flushes either.Still got it.

Tacsi · 12/11/2024 19:27

I can't offer any advice sorry, I've literally just come on here to post for advice but just thought I'd read through first to see if anyone else had posted similar and I'm almost crying, you are me, I am you❤️❤️ even down to digestive issues in my 20's to anxiety ect, mental health issues since a child, cameras/tests ect... I'm 50 now and feel like I'm going insane, just wanted to say you are not alone and sends hugs 💐💐

Anicecumberlandsausage · 12/11/2024 19:43
Colin Baker Flirt GIF by Doctor Who

No advice OP, sorry, but sending flowers 💐.

Myyearmytime · 12/11/2024 20:00

Did you have any birth injuries ie do you tear or where you cut . Have you been checked that all your bit are working . As you lose hormones the body really feels it .