Let's have a positive thread about the menopause

[NarwhalsJustDontLetEmTouchYourBalls]

There is a lot of negative talk around the menopause, and of course, for many it is absolutely horrible. I am not underestimating the awfulness of it. I had a really horrific perimenopause.

I feel like we have got bogged down in all the negative things associated with it. Women also need to know that there are positives too. If they are struggling, it is good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lately I have been having symptoms that I need to do something about, but also there are so many positives I can see in my situation at 54.

It would be good to share some. Here's mine;

1. I no longer give a shit about what people think of me. I genuinely don't. I like me. In fact, I am awesome.

2. I get angry with arseholes and call them out, but there is also a part of me that has massively grown in compassion and empathy. I find myself being kind. It makes me feel good, and it takes way less energy than being angry.

3. I now think I am absolutely gorgeous. I never saw it before, but I am. I walk around thinking I am the dogs bollocks. Of course, this is not reality, but who cares? I think I am. I am no longer self conscious about my looks. I no longer compare myself to anyone else. I am not as vain as I used to be, but I look after myself more. Obviously this is tongue in cheek, but at 54 I am happy with my looks............finally.

4. I have more confidence socially. I used to wait to be asked to do things by friends as I lacked confidence. Now I just ask them to do things with me, and they say yes!!! My social life is better.

What are your menopause positives?

At 52, I am definitely much less inclined to say yes to things to be polite.

I have recently said no to 2 invitations, purely because they’re my idea of hell. A hen do and a themed 50th for the women only. I’ve not felt it necessary to fabricate an excuse, I’ve just said NO. Liberating!

It seems obvious but no periods is wonderful.

No periods means no migraines, for the first time in 40 years. Bliss!

I hear u with 1 2 and 4. I partially agree with 3. Even though i need to.lose 5 stone I have started to think even more that people, in particular a romantic partner, will be doing well to be with me. 😂i said this to my ex who was genuinely in agreement. Happy days. I'm going to watch this with interest.

No risk of pregnancy is what I'm looking forward to.

Oh I like that Mary.

"No. Because I don't want to".

Is this actually to do with menopause or just getting older?

I don't recognise any of it being linked to hormones.

No, JinglingSpringbells, you’re right. The good things are just about being older and giving fewer fucks.

The actual menopause would be a pile of utter shite if I wasn’t on HRT.

I can’t see much to celebrate about osteoporosis, vaginal atrophy, thinning hair, anxiety, depression, forgetfulness, heart issues and the myriad other awful things menopause can bring!

As you age, yes you do change how you manage things, but it seems that the menopause has quite a significant shift, rather than gradual.

If its age, why don’t men have such a significant shift in how they deal with things?

If its age, why don’t men have such a significant shift in how they deal with things?

They do. They become grumpy old men (Victor Meldrew.)

But in principle, I don't agree with you.

The only connection I can see is that women who have had children might feel they are free to do what they want when the kids fly the nest. And less of a 'Yes Sir, people pleaser' ( if they were in the first place.)

I don't sweat as much. This means that I can now wear artificial fabrics without stinking, and buy costume jewellery without it bringing me up in a rash. I know this is MN and polyester is the work of the Devil blah, blah, but you can actually get some really nice tops! 😀

I'm still in peri although I think at the end of it now. I had a period last week, well one night of light blood and tummy ache - and before that it was 7 months since the last one. So I think I'm now on a good long stretch with no period again, if any at all now.

The good things for me seem like the rest of you - the confidence, the ability to not get involved with things that don't need to concern me, the increased wisdom and knowing how and where to use it - I don't go too far but I can be quite straight forward.

I've studied women's things for a long time and I started healing from child abuse at a young age, got into therapy, and all the books were good for me to base my life on I think. Now I see menopause as a rite of passage where we must speak up, we must stop all the care giving, we must prioritise our needs and have the confidence to be who we are.

Yes I am changing tho. My lifestyle. And I have to do care taking stuff for this body that my soul dwells in that I never did before, and even the thought of 'I'm 50 this year!' helps me stop doing things I know I need to stop. It's lush. Peri hasn't been bad to me at all. (touch wood)

Completely identify with the no giving of shits. I just had to coach a (30's, male) colleague to stand up for himself at work and he said 'I wish I had your balls'.

The only good thing so far , is no periods for a couple of months.

The reduction in oestrogen is definitely linked to irritability, anger and taking no shit. We've no more nice caring motherly hormones making us likely to tolerate people's bullshit.

I spent the first 6 years of peri-menopause trying to contain a burning rage at the sheer twattery of the world. HRT helps me shake it off more.

I love it! The freedom, the confidence, the lack of periods and all the expense and inconvenience they entail - best time of my life so far

I understood the OP asking about post menopause and the rest of life maybe not the ups and downs of peri(?)

TBH I don't recognise that in my friends. Some of them seem more lacking in confidence and worry about things they didn't give a hoot about when they were younger.

And some have health issues that make them feel more vulnerable.

Same here! Definitely the best part of menopause so far.

No periods

No migraines

No acne

No mood swings

All absolutely linked to hormones and a result of menopause. There have been some downsides too, but we need to start welcoming menopause as the next phase of our lives, rather than fighting it.

One thing I’ve noticed, for better or worse, is that I have very little interest in male opinions. I’m sure that’s linked to low oestrogen. Poor husband.

Me too! Suffered with horrendous migraines all my adult life and then came the menopause and they went away forever. Truly the start of a new life for me, I was so restricted by them and tried every treatment available with limited success.

I think I've been pretty lucky because I'm 53, have a Mirena coil fitted and get the odd very light period every few months. But my moods are pretty stable, I don't feel any different and I've got no idea where I am on my menopause journey. I'm not sure that I like the over medicalisation of a very natural life stage but I take care to walk a lot, take Vit B and calcium supplements.

The ability to say 'no' and not have to fumble for a reason was wonderful. If anyone asked why I wouldn't give to a particular collection/attend a function/ do something that I didn't want to do , I'd just say 'because I don't want to ' or 'I'm not interested.'

I couldn't care a fig about what people think about my reasoning. It's been very liberating.

I've also weeded out a lot of people from my 'friend' list . People who were CFs, annoying, selfish, grabby, vain ... it's so liberating.

It's not just age related either.

I think that’s the word Button;

liberating

I feel liberated.

Exactly. There's fuck all to celebrate, if you are going through the shittiest meno and not allowed HRT because your defective body gives you hormone driven cancer for the third bloody time!