Let's have a positive thread about the menopause

[NarwhalsJustDontLetEmTouchYourBalls]

There is a lot of negative talk around the menopause, and of course, for many it is absolutely horrible. I am not underestimating the awfulness of it. I had a really horrific perimenopause.

I feel like we have got bogged down in all the negative things associated with it. Women also need to know that there are positives too. If they are struggling, it is good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lately I have been having symptoms that I need to do something about, but also there are so many positives I can see in my situation at 54.

It would be good to share some. Here's mine;

1. I no longer give a shit about what people think of me. I genuinely don't. I like me. In fact, I am awesome.

2. I get angry with arseholes and call them out, but there is also a part of me that has massively grown in compassion and empathy. I find myself being kind. It makes me feel good, and it takes way less energy than being angry.

3. I now think I am absolutely gorgeous. I never saw it before, but I am. I walk around thinking I am the dogs bollocks. Of course, this is not reality, but who cares? I think I am. I am no longer self conscious about my looks. I no longer compare myself to anyone else. I am not as vain as I used to be, but I look after myself more. Obviously this is tongue in cheek, but at 54 I am happy with my looks............finally.

4. I have more confidence socially. I used to wait to be asked to do things by friends as I lacked confidence. Now I just ask them to do things with me, and they say yes!!! My social life is better.

What are your menopause positives?

Peri was an emotional rollercoaster but since going on HRT and an SSRI I am the calmest. Most stable and happiest I've been in my life.
Very content, low libido (so can't make daft unsuitable men choices).

Never have to plan my social life or holidays expecting periods as now they are extremely light maybe thrice per year for 2 days.
Zero PMT for 2 years now!
Bliss.

@Physiologicalmalfunction which SSRI do you take please?

Regardless of the 'emotional bonus' there is a medical report in a broadsheet today about how women's risk of heart disease increases twice as much as men's once they are post-menopause. it was thought women's risk equalled men's after the menopause, so this is relatively new data.

The research paper is from the US and advises doctors not to dismiss or ignore women's symptoms or risks.

Sertraline. Started v low on 25mg for 2 weeks (broke tabs in half), then been on 50mg ever since.

I’m so much calmer. I realise now how affected I was by hormones in terms of my moods. I cry much less and generally feel much more chilled.

@Physiologicalmalfunction ah okay thanks. Ive just started sertraline ( 25mg) for menopause anxiety. Did you feel worse before better?

Completely this - I couldn't pit it any better.

I’m looking forward to not having to worry about becoming pregnant

Hi @Enigma52 . Yes days 10-12 were the trickiest then I levelled out and felt gradually better from day 14 onwards. I kept a colour diary which helped - blue marker for low/anxious days, yellow for calm/good mood days. It was great seeing the colour gradually shift over that first month.
By 6-8 weeks it was yellow every day.
good luck

This is nuts. If menopause has been good for you, celebrate away. I wouldn't ever stoo you.

But I'm afraid there is nothing at all to celebrate for me. Viaginal atrophy is shit. Having no libido is shit. Inability to orgasm is shit. Anxiety is shit. Uti's every fortnight- shit.

The only thing to celebrate is that HRT exists

💯 agree with everything. Unfortunately, I can't take HRT due to a Chek 2gene mutation and BRCA2 VUS and having breast cancer at 38.

The only positive I can think of is my skin cleared up.

@Physiologicalmalfunction Many thanks for sharing. Day 7 and feel as though I'm going mad! No HRT and surgical menopause; brutal.

Please let sertraline work!

I’m more successful at work because I don’t second guess myself any more. I don’t care how a situation will pan out for me personally, I just do the right thing as i judge it Liberating.
I don’t think I’m alone as many women become more successful in their 50s than they’ve ever been.

Apart from night sweats and a very weird "I can't feel my body, only the space around it" phase, both sorted by SSRI (I also can't take HRT), I agree with all OP's points. In my head I look great, although I'm sometimes shocked by an unguarded glimpse of myself in a mirror or shop window!!! Solution: don't look in mirrors or shop windows 😁.

I give no fucks, but am also very kind, so people know exactly where they stand with me.

My parents both died at a young age, so I was ecstatic to make it to 50 and continue to be delighted I've made it this far.

I am really enjoying being able to go about my daily business without being ogled by men. I can walk around and feel completely unobserved because I am a woman of a certain age and now invisible because I'm presumably unfuckable and of no interest. I love it. I absolutely love being able to get up in a restaurant and walk to the loo and back without eyes being on me, or down a street unobserved.

Liberating!

The not giving a shit thing is really liberating. I absolutely do not suffer fools anymore and don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm also leaning heavily into comfort dressing these days. Bought my first pair of Lucy and Yak dungarees recently and I'm an instant convert!

I am really enjoying being able to go about my daily business without being ogled by men

Yes, totally agree. Even though we are fabulous, it’s just for us.

I think it absolutely is hormones. I have lost my libido (bad) but also felt much calmer and able to deal with life (good) since meno. I am on the fence about HRT, took it for 2 years to get through the last bit of peri, then 4 years without, now back on a little bit to shift some symptoms (gut issues, energy levels, response to exercise). All of those are secondary symptoms I know but I can feel the difference. The clincher is that once I was back on it I cried twice in a week after not crying for about a year.
I recognise the liberation. Amongst everything else, we should celebrate the wins! There really are some, even though some meno experiences are horrendous.

I find that quite depressing.

I know women who are 50+ and even 60+ who are single, widowed, divorced and definitely do want to be noticed by men.

Why does being attractive stop at a certain age?

Fine if that's what you want, but not all women feel like this. It's not a given :)

Yeah but sexism and related assumptions IS a given and we'd all like to escape from that. (There is more to bring attractive than youthful physical appearance too).

For me, the light and then no periods. Boy did I suffer in my youth, and it was so difficult to get help. I remember feeling so desolate about it.

@MotherOfCatBoy what do you mean by “response to exercise” please? I have changed somewhat in exercise pattern but didn’t put it down to meno.

I don’t seem to get headaches anymore. Used to get them every month. Love not having pms and periods.

@JinglingSpringbells

You've said everything I was thinking, and said it well!

I cannot subscribe to 'the menopause' giving this newfound confidence. I also recoil at the 'great not to be noticed by men' trope. Women should never feel the exist primarily or at all in the male gaze, but I very much want to continue being noticed, in a positive way, for how I look, present myself or act.

I'm 47, peri symptoms made me feel like I was going v v mad, so HRT is a lifesaver.

For sure, not all women have challenging perimenopause or menopause symptoms. And that's great. But I find the idea of it being responsible for such positive change really strange - that confidence & belief in oneself can, and should, be achievable far before your 50s.

I find this quite patronising, tbh. 'We are fabulous but it's just for us'.

I mean, I am pretty happy with how I look but I wouldn't go describing myself as 'fabulous' & I'm certainly happy if others compliment / notice me.

Also hair growth on legs and armpits has slowed right down- barely have to shave. Do need to check my chin though!😂