Let's have a positive thread about the menopause

[NarwhalsJustDontLetEmTouchYourBalls]

There is a lot of negative talk around the menopause, and of course, for many it is absolutely horrible. I am not underestimating the awfulness of it. I had a really horrific perimenopause.

I feel like we have got bogged down in all the negative things associated with it. Women also need to know that there are positives too. If they are struggling, it is good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lately I have been having symptoms that I need to do something about, but also there are so many positives I can see in my situation at 54.

It would be good to share some. Here's mine;

1. I no longer give a shit about what people think of me. I genuinely don't. I like me. In fact, I am awesome.

2. I get angry with arseholes and call them out, but there is also a part of me that has massively grown in compassion and empathy. I find myself being kind. It makes me feel good, and it takes way less energy than being angry.

3. I now think I am absolutely gorgeous. I never saw it before, but I am. I walk around thinking I am the dogs bollocks. Of course, this is not reality, but who cares? I think I am. I am no longer self conscious about my looks. I no longer compare myself to anyone else. I am not as vain as I used to be, but I look after myself more. Obviously this is tongue in cheek, but at 54 I am happy with my looks............finally.

4. I have more confidence socially. I used to wait to be asked to do things by friends as I lacked confidence. Now I just ask them to do things with me, and they say yes!!! My social life is better.

What are your menopause positives?

I find that there are positives but also negatives...

The positives:

• I feel like I am in my prime at 52, mentally, physically, generally. I am stronger and fitter than I have ever been. I enjoy beating men at sports 😁 I enjoy the respect I get for being older/mature at work . I don't't feel invisible at all. I think the only reason men don't prey on older women is that older women take no shit and are not so easily intimidated. Not because women over 40 or whatever are not attractive. Plenty of flirting going on between the older generations. It does not stop. What stops is the wrong kind of pervy guys trying to intimidate you... well, I don't miss that. Van men no longer beeping their horn at me and shouting "nice tits!" is not a negative thing...

The menopause negatives I shall save for another thread 😁 but they exist too in case I come across as smug

Oh I agree. Plenty of negatives but I think op was just trying to make a positive thread.

Mid fifties, still peri and hot flushing away and mostly regular periods so not sure I can credit the menopause with the positive changes but I agree what others have said, I am so much more confident in myself. I wear what I want and don't care what people think of me like I used to. I also refuse to do things that make me uncomfortable or anxious whereas I used to force myself as I was too scared to say no. In this respect, getting older is great.

I took up a lot more exercise to help with symptoms and now feel great as stronger and fitter. I also started a supplement so that helps too Definitelyexercise has contributeda lot to a feel good feeling. No HRT.
It's the stage of life l am enjoying as my friends have more time as our dc have flown the nest so l have a better social life and a bit more money due to their financial independence.
And just love having no periods!!

@Savoury Im a runner and I found that post HRT my endurance and recovery were harder - longer runs wore me out much more than before and I need more recovery days. That was at the same level of fitness and activity as before. I looked at a lot of the advice from Dr Stacy Sims and started strength training which Id never done before, and shortened my run distances. I find now I’m better with shorter runs and some weights sessions and getting on the rower for 20 mins rather than 3 long runs a week. And I don’t know, just generally feeling that my oomph isn’t what it was, that higher gear is just gone. Maybe that is age, but there seemed a marked difference when I came off HRT. I’m happy with my routine now and I’ve adjusted but I’m trying a small amount of HRT just to see if it improves my overall energy levels.
One good thing is that my sleep has improved - I was always a good sleeper, it went to hell during peri, that was the biggest reason I took HRT in the first place. After I stopped, I had sleep trouble again, but concentrated on doing all the good things, and over a couple of years it settled and I sleep pretty well. Having said that taking progesterone now seems to send me off like a light and I sleep solidly til morning.

I have restarted running but sticking to 5k. Feeling good but achey feet. Got some bouncy running shoes which help .I have finally requested some Ovestin from GP. I don’t take HRT( mum had bc) as symptoms generally have been ok now flushes have stopped and I’m 2 years since last period. I’m 53. But still want a good sex life especially as DC now adults and we have more time together. Hoping it rejuvenates 😉.

I agree with you @EarringsandLipstick .

It's ironic isn't it that we get women here saying they like being 'invisible' after 50 and others saying they hate it!

I'm all for everyone doing what they feel is right for them, but suggesting women at 50+ are 'invisible' and it being a 'positive ' is just as bad as saying we should all be focused 100% on attracting a man.

I'm not saying I'm unattractive, quite the opposite. I'm an attractive woman, certainly. What I am finding nice is not having every Tom Dick and Harry from 16 to 76 looking at me like I'm a fillet steak.

This was never something I lived for, courted, or judged my worth by, but it was a pain in the arse that informed how I went about my day to avoid sometimes. I never enjoyed being shouted at from passing vans, beeped at, hit on by RAC rescue drivers, chased around desks by bosses, asked out repeatedly by customers, getting "accidentally" stuck in a lift with firemen doing a lift check at work. I am very much enjoying being able to walk into Screwifx trade counter and order and pay for what I want, rather than be subjected to a load of staring blokes nudging and winking and sexual innuendoes about the peice of pipe in my hand as I walk out.

Of course some men still find me attractive, my partner certainly does, I get flirted with on the odd occasion by men my age and have no shortage of male friends who would be interested if I was single, however the percentage of the random male population that wants to shag me has shrunk over the years as I've got older, seeming to drop sharply at around 45, and I, personally, after a lifetime of constant hassle from men of all ages everywhere I went, am finding that a relief. I'm not invisible to the people that matter to me, but I'm quite happy for the rest of them to fuck off.

I looked at a lot of the advice from Dr Stacy Sims and started strength training which Id never done before, and shortened my run distances. I find now I’m better with shorter runs and some weights sessions and getting on the rower for 20 mins rather than 3 long runs a week.

I used to do classes down the gym and switched to weight training about 6 months ago. I feel a massive difference in my strength now. I'm also running, and have a few 10K events lined up this year. I don't take HRT. If I didn't exercise so much, and feel such all over benefits from it, I am sure I would be on HRT.

I'm not invisible to the people that matter to me, but I'm quite happy for the rest of them to fuck off.

Yep, this is it in a nutshell.

I feel that experiences of many years living have changed me for the better. I am happier in myself than ever before in life. Menop specifically hasn't changed me. No HRT here, either.

The changing of boundaries that occurs (I think when oestrogen drops?) has made me re-evaluate my relationship with both parents (long divorced) to the extent that I no longer need to feel sad when I tell them about myself and they don't particularly care.
I spent years bumbling along with them, wondering why they weren't really involving themselves in my life and doing things like arranging holidays that one of them could join in with etc. Turns out they're just kind of crappy people. Being able to put that to one side and transfer their share of my attention to my own family has been quite lovely.

No periods is the big winner for me. I had fibroids causing horrible heavy bleeding and awful pain. More or less stopped overnight once my periods stopped.

menopause is also forcing me to be healthier. I won’t take HRT as both my sister and mum had hormone driven breast cancers - so I’ve had to find natural solutions, its still a work in progress, but I’ve learnt that sugar, alcohol and caffeine are hot flush triggers so they have more or less had to go. And if I don’t exercise most days and do yoga a few times a week, everything aches and I don’t sleep. So that makes me get my arse in gear when I’d rather sit on the sofa !

It’s been hard work getting here but…..

I like and accept myself.
I know what I’m good at and I’ve stopped making myself small.
I don’t bother with people who don’t like me - instead of fretting about what I’ve done to upset them.
When I was young, I got a lot of abuse from men because they disliked the way I looked and saw abuse as a way to humiliate me and make themselves feel better. I now know that there is no difference as to whether one is or is not ‘visible’ to men: most such sexual attention is full of shit.
As to visibility: I wear what I damn well like and give no fucks.
I no longer have to shave my legs!

It’s like being a kid again in some ways, but with considerably more self assurance. I have zero libido, which is a bit sad but also sort of peaceful. I don’t know If this is now ‘it’ or just a chapter, but I’m happy finding out.

@Craftycorvid i feel similar and know exactly what you mean by « like a kid again « - it’s like being about 11 and following all your own cool interests and not giving a toss what everyone else’s are.