Went for smear test - AIBU to be upset?

[hellsBells246]

I've just turned fifty. Went for a smear test today. The nurse mentioned four times beforehand that it might be uncomfortable and was I sure I wanted to continue? I said yes, it's fine.

So she shoves the speculum in hard, and I jumped. She said to relax 🙄

So she tried again. It was uncomfortable - more than other smear tests I've had.

So she opened the speculum and collected the cells, then said to me, 'are you sure you're not taking HRT?' (She had asked me this before). I said no, why do you ask? She said, oh, no reason. 🙄

Then I said 'ouch' when she withdrew the speculum, and she said, 'ah, it's more uncomfortable this time than it has been because you're menopausal and dry.'

Now, this might be factual but she made me feel about 104. I was really quite upset.

AIBU to be upset?!

Yeah YABU. It's common for menopause to cause dryness. She was being factual and telling you why it might feel more uncomfortable than usual

Yes, I know that! It's just the way she said it...

I would definitely put something in writing to the practice manager as the comments were unnecessary and made you feel uncomfortable.
My GP examined my cervix and made some non medical comments that unnerved me and I wrote a note and dropped it off at the surgery asking for an explanation of what she had said.
I also fed back after my daughter had blood taken and it felt the member of staff was out of their depth and was looking to me for reassurance- I have no medical skills!
Please follow it up as it was unacceptable and giving feedback can help them improve the way they manage patients and provide a better service

You have my sympathies, I had a horrible experience a few months ago and will not be going through it again, would rather take my chances.

Wow at your first reply,and that's not a good wow!

That sounds like a horrible experience @hellsBells246 and agree you should follow that up. It's fine to be factual, also fine to ask if you're on hrt, but it sounds like she was trying to discourage you and there should be no shove when it comes to smears!

i had a horrible experience With one nurse at a smear test, she moaned the full time about my tilted uterus and how she was having problems and could I move this way and that way. She made me feel crap.

reluctantly went for my next one with thankfully another nurse who couldn’t have been nicer and who did the smear test within seconds with no moans or complaints.

Pure speculation on my part, but it sounds as if she had maybe had some training on the effects of menopause and was parroting it off a bit bluntly and not thinking of the psychological impact of what she was saying. (“Being factual” as another poster put it.)

I assume she wasn’t of an age where she was unlikely to have experienced it herself?

It was the way she asked again about HRT when she was looking at my fanny! What, does it look different if you're on HRT?!

She was probably in her late 30s...

In my twenties and thirties I’ve been told off for being dry - I’d showered just before the smear. I’ve been told off for not being relaxed, for being too tight, for clenching my muscles and clamping on the speculum, she couldn’t get it out 😳🤣 I look back and laugh now.

I’ve also had lovely experiences- a G.P who warmed and lubed up the speculum. A lovely nurse who made me laugh and took her time, although it took ages as she couldn’t get it done because I was so nervous, but she was very calm and did her best.

It’s not a nice relaxing, sensual experience. You aren’t going to be wet are you! 🤷🏼‍♀️ take no notice. If it’s really going badly I think they can halt and ask to rearrange it. The more stressed you get, the more likely it’ll hurt and it’s unpleasant for both parties.

Am I being stupid but I thought they always lubed up the speculum?? Certainly have when I’ve been.

Yes, she did use lube.

What a charmer. She could have a bit nicer and used some better form of lube. No wonder women don't go to get smears FFS

I’ve only ever had lube once or at least if I’ve had it every time it must have been the tiniest blob.

YANBU. It’s the ultimate intimate procedure, and in my experience the nurses have gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable and this clearly didn’t do that for you.
I agree w PP you should share your experience with the practice.

also… I’m not there yet so maybe I’m wrong but what she said about being on HRT and being dry doesn’t even make sense? HRT would treat dryness, no?

I also have a tilted uterus and I've lost count of how many times I've had to go back for another scrape because they didn't angle the speculum at the right spot.

I've also had a nurse say cheerfully when I rang to rearrange an appointment after yet another botched smear "Well they probably want you to come in because they found cancerous cells!" Which was very distressing and very unprofessional of her.

I've given up now. I have no confidence that anyone seems to know how to take a smear from a tilted uterus and the only accurate ones ever were taken by my actual GP rather than the nurses at the clinics. But those days are over post Covid.

I don't think she said anything wrong but I understand why you feel bad about it because they're such a stigma around aging and menopause and having vaginal dryness. It's completely normal, try not to worry about it. I'm in my 30s and in surgical menopause. Wouldn't be offended if someone said this to me.

In the old days they used metal speculums that slid right in cool and smooth. The plastic ones now are crap.

YANBU at all. Smear tests in your 50s are more likely to be painful because of “dryness” but that doesn’t mean she had to be so tactless!

YANBU

She sounds awful. I turned up for a smear and had got the date wrong. The nurse said she'd do it but she doesn't want to spend all morning doing them. 🙄

This year I had a different nurse and she was lovely. Explained everything, kept checking I was okay. Was absolutely fine. Asked a couple of questions I wasn't expecting but no issue and only asked them once.

YANBU. My last one was horrendous and I'm now a year overdue because I'm terrified of going through the same trauma again. It drives me insane when women say 'oh it's just a bit uncomfortable for a few seconds'.... actually for lots of us it is painful and traumatic.

@Gooseysgirl Pleaae don't risk your health because of bad experiences. Ask for someone different, explain past history and take painkillers beforehand. That all sounds flippant and I don't mean it too but please don't risk yourself. I know it is a difficult procedure to have.

I'm 53. I had a smear for the first time in ages last year (because every time I'd had one previously in recent years it had come back as inconclusive, despiite me telling them that my cervix is in a weird place - they always knew best). She was okay, and eventually said she'd managed to get a sample, but I was very uncomfortable and nearly crying.

I was extremely pissed off when she then blithely told me that they'd check for HPV, and only actually check the sample if that was positive! Surely they could just swab for that and get you back if necessary?

I'm not sexually active, so I'm pretty certain I'm not going to have another smear. They can swab for HPV, but I'm not going through that again for no reason.

I have a tilted uterus too but don't trust GPs either after one botched a coil insertion because she hadn't checked the angle of my uterus. She managed to shove it through the wall of my uterus 😱 absolute agony ensued. Proceeded eventually after a battle with the daft bitch, an xray, internal ultrasound (last thing I wanted!!), MRI and finally general anaesthetic and surgery.

Needless to say I have little faith in the "don't worry, it'll just be a bit uncomfortable for a moment" bullshit.

Women are treated like shit.

Yes! I don't think that helped.

I'm so sorry for what you went through, @Purplepander. That sounds horrendous.

I think, having reflected on it, that she reflected my feelings about ageing and menopause back at me. And it didn't feel like who I am.

My libido has gone through the floor recently - I have no sexual desire. I'm finding this stage of life emotionally hard. And she unintentionally made it worse.

I mean, I didn't expect to be wet (ie sexually aroused) in a smear, but maybe she meant that my vagina is just drier than a younger woman's would be, regardless of arousal?! And that felt pretty shit.