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Original poster

Went for smear test - AIBU to be upset?

130 replies

hellsBells246 · 01/02/2024 19:48

I've just turned fifty. Went for a smear test today. The nurse mentioned four times beforehand that it might be uncomfortable and was I sure I wanted to continue? I said yes, it's fine.

So she shoves the speculum in hard, and I jumped. She said to relax 🙄

So she tried again. It was uncomfortable - more than other smear tests I've had.

So she opened the speculum and collected the cells, then said to me, 'are you sure you're not taking HRT?' (She had asked me this before). I said no, why do you ask? She said, oh, no reason. 🙄

Then I said 'ouch' when she withdrew the speculum, and she said, 'ah, it's more uncomfortable this time than it has been because you're menopausal and dry.'

Now, this might be factual but she made me feel about 104. I was really quite upset.

AIBU to be upset?!

OP posts:
MyFirstLittlePony · 01/02/2024 20:54

I have had some heavy handed female nurses

They sometimes seem to really hate their job and are rough

Mostly it's fine but there definitely a few who are a bit rough and also needlessly harsh/unkind

Jennyjojo5 · 01/02/2024 20:55

When I was in my 30’s the nurse said to me’ oooof!! that went in easily!!!’ 😬😬

Dapbag · 01/02/2024 20:58

That sounds like an unnecessarily horrible experience OP. I'm in my fifties and my last smear started off pretty uncomfortably but I had completely different treatment. When I said 'ow' the nurse (about my age) was so kind and sympathetic. She stopped immediately and gave me some pessaries to use for two weeks.

Went back two weeks later and no pain, much easier to the extent that she was able to easily remove my coil too.

I don't think you should have had to put up with the pain or her lack of kindness. Neither should you put up with this stage of life feeling so hard without help. Can you make an appointment with a GP to discuss the other issues and also raise how you were made to feel by their colleague?

Original poster
hellsBells246 · 01/02/2024 20:59

Ginandjuice57884 · 01/02/2024 20:24

I don't think she said anything wrong but I understand why you feel bad about it because they're such a stigma around aging and menopause and having vaginal dryness. It's completely normal, try not to worry about it. I'm in my 30s and in surgical menopause. Wouldn't be offended if someone said this to me.

Yes, that's probably true.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 01/02/2024 20:59

Now I'm not menopausal and by no means an expert- but to me if she's aware that dryness could be an issue the important thing would be for her to make sure you're as relaxed as you can be, to be as slow and gentle in her movements as possible and to use a lot of lubrication? It sounds like she was rushing you and it was almost mechanical to her rather than considering the person she was treating. I'd put in a complaint op, just because you're experiencing vaginally dryness doesn't mean you should be humiliated or expected to just tolerate a painful smear? Surely she should be practicing extra care just as she would with someone who's got vaginismus or who's experienced sexual trauma etc. The process should fit the needs of the patient not the other way around.

BirthdayRainbow · 01/02/2024 21:01

Make a fist and stick both hands under your bum. That tilts things to a better angle.

Tourmalines · 01/02/2024 21:04

You have every right to be upset . Surely you would know if you’re on HRT or not, why question if you are sure when you already told her , then not give a reason for asking . And also putting that bloody fear in you 4 times before proceeding . She sounds a twat .

RagzRebooted · 01/02/2024 21:06

hellsBells246 · 01/02/2024 19:54

Yes, I know that! It's just the way she said it...

Yeah to be fair, I do this as part of my job but I'd like to hope I'm a lot more tactful and gentle!

SabbatWheel · 01/02/2024 21:09

You can also ask for a small speculum. I have to have the virgin speculum size as I have lichen sclerosus (as well as being post menopausal).

LunaTheCat · 01/02/2024 21:14

i am a smear taker and good news on the way.. there is a new test which is a swab! You can self swab ( basically cotton bud which is longer) .. swirl it up there 30 seconds and bingo! The swab tests HPV virus and is actually better at screening for cervical cancer than old style test..although if it’s abnormal or you have had previous high grade changes ypu may need conventional smears.
The look of relief on women’s faces when I explain is palpable!
New test just become available in New Zealand… it must be on its way UK soon!

spicedlemonpie · 01/02/2024 21:30

I know they're not nice but dont let it put you off from having them done.
I had mine a few months ago i had put it off for so long I wish i had it sooner my results were not good.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 01/02/2024 21:43

LunaTheCat · 01/02/2024 21:14

i am a smear taker and good news on the way.. there is a new test which is a swab! You can self swab ( basically cotton bud which is longer) .. swirl it up there 30 seconds and bingo! The swab tests HPV virus and is actually better at screening for cervical cancer than old style test..although if it’s abnormal or you have had previous high grade changes ypu may need conventional smears.
The look of relief on women’s faces when I explain is palpable!
New test just become available in New Zealand… it must be on its way UK soon!

I heard this on the news recently (UK).

maddiemookins16mum · 01/02/2024 22:16

Oh you poor thing, I’m sorry you had such a shit time. I’m 60 this year and don’t intend ever having another smear. Contrary to what many on MN say, for me it’s not a 2 min, in out job, it’s 30 minutes of agony and tears (my cervix is hidden apparently). You’d think another woman doing this procedure would be more caring.

pinksheetss · 01/02/2024 22:23

I don't think YABU at all, from the start and asking you if you even want to proceed is out of order I think.

I'd be writing in, if she acts in similar ways to younger girls they could be put off getting another smear ever if they have their first one with an attitude like that

gratitudegirl · 01/02/2024 22:29

hellsBells246 · 01/02/2024 19:48

I've just turned fifty. Went for a smear test today. The nurse mentioned four times beforehand that it might be uncomfortable and was I sure I wanted to continue? I said yes, it's fine.

So she shoves the speculum in hard, and I jumped. She said to relax 🙄

So she tried again. It was uncomfortable - more than other smear tests I've had.

So she opened the speculum and collected the cells, then said to me, 'are you sure you're not taking HRT?' (She had asked me this before). I said no, why do you ask? She said, oh, no reason. 🙄

Then I said 'ouch' when she withdrew the speculum, and she said, 'ah, it's more uncomfortable this time than it has been because you're menopausal and dry.'

Now, this might be factual but she made me feel about 104. I was really quite upset.

AIBU to be upset?!

I understand her side and I understand your side. The annoying thing is, sometimes people who have been in one sector for so long, they forget that for their patients, this isn't an every day occurrence. For example, someone who hates blood tests, going to a phlebotomist who does 50+ a day, they may become blind to the effects it has on this one person who doesn't like blood tests and they may come across cold because to them it's another one ticked off their list.

I like to hope it's not lack of care, i wouldn't know because I'm not in their shoes but as much as I can understand her lack of 'empathy' per se I think she should've been more kind and empathetic with you. I'm sorry you went through that experience and it made you feel 104. I totally can understand why it did! I hope that you can forget her bad experience and go on to enjoy your week xx

darkmodeera · 01/02/2024 22:30

Me dumb quick reading your post OP! The fact she said you were dry and then askes if you were sure you weren't on HRT seem contradictory statements from her. I don't understand that bit. She was crap though, that is clear! What an awkward person to have near your fanny OP! I reckon she was inexperienced.
I've had all sorts of different experiences, ranging from pubes pulled painfully up there by a metal speculum, rough and painful, barely feel anything and done quickly, to 20mins chasing a shy cervix on all fours! The indignity!
I shan't be having another one. I'll be waiting for the self swab thing.

rainbowsparkle28 · 01/02/2024 22:36

YANBU. Had similar in that due to medical condition am younger but on HRT and so was a little uncomfortable but the nurse throughout was respectful in discussing things, as gentle / sensitive as possible, used smaller speculum talked me through everything and absolutely I was in control and although a little uncomfortable was not the worse experience. She could have handled this completely differently and it has clearly bothered you understandably. Raise it with practice manager.

Original poster
hellsBells246 · 02/02/2024 07:55

Thank you all for your help and support. I did think I'd be told to woman up and it's fine, so I was pleasantly surprised.

I emailed the practice this morning and told them what happened. Hopefully the nurse will be trained to change her practice so nobody else is made to feel uncomfortable and upset.

OP posts:
ButtercupFlower · 02/02/2024 08:03

I have had problems with smears for a long time - apparently my cervix is in an odd place and at an odd angle. Last time they couldn’t even find it and I had to make another appointment!!!! Two of them tried and it did bring back a lot of past trauma.
then I found out they only check for HPV and given that I’m not sexually active and haven’t been for almost ten years, there’s absolutely no point me going any more.

Hugs OP

theveryhungrybum · 02/02/2024 08:13

I wouldn't be offended by this, but I'm not you. I've had ovarian cancer and a complete hysterectomy, so into surgical menopause at age 40 and can't take HRT. I have vaginal atrophy and it's very dry down there. she was absolutely correct to tell you that a Pap smear is more uncomfortable when you're in menopause, it sounds like you weren't really prepared for how it would feel. I'm sorry you were not happy with the experience, but I wouldn't be taking it any further.

KanyeJohnWestTuna · 02/02/2024 08:21

I thought that gp surgeries get a “bonus” if above a certain % of their eligible female patients have them so many 3 or 5 years or whatever the number is, so why is an unpleasant experience made worse by bitchy comments, that puts people off having them?

The last time I had a smear the nurse seemed really “off” with me - she started off with a snarky comment that I didn’t get changed quickly enough, and subtle digs going on from there. It’s put me off having one done again.

RoséProsecco · 02/02/2024 08:42

OP, I'm early 50's & my last smear test was incredibly painful.

I now use vaginal HRT (not systemic/patches/tablets) and it has made things much more comfortable/less dry down there.

desolcat · 02/02/2024 08:49

No you aren't unreasonable it sounds like the nurse was rough with you and then spoke rather thoughtlessly. I've also had some horrible experiences going for a smear once where the nurse left the room for about 20 minutes with the speculum still inside me and then returned to do a rough scrape after my inners had dried out (I was in my 20's at the time) and then the last time I went the Nurse spent the whole time telling me how much she hated doing smears and hated having to be in at people's "bits" while she was all up in mine! It really puts me off going back for my next smear!

I think some nurses need a bit of a refresher in how to conduct these tests as I'm sure bad experiences can put people off going back and that sometimes they don't and it causes serious outcomes. Ditto for mammograms, I know a few women who stopped going for them after awful experiences.

RosieAway · 02/02/2024 08:52

@LunaTheCat yes! This was actually around 20 years ago…. Called the Vidascope or something. Absolutely bonkers it’s taken this long to (still not) be widely released!!

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