The "cost" of menopause

[Diversion]

I am 56 and officially post menopausal having had 2 years without a period. 12 months before this I experienced dreadful anxiety, auditory and olfactory hallucinations which made me feel like I was losing my mind. I took Mirtazipine for this but stopped taking it because of the side efects (weight gain).I have gained so much weight and have lost all of my confidence and self-esteem and feel like an old woman when before my outlook on life was pretty young. I have aged so much since. The whole experience has been absolutely shit, I feel like I have lost all of myself and cannot find my way back. I cannot take HRT for medical reasons, but take supplements and am doing stretches to help my joints (I have arthritis due to old injuries). I really hate how things have changed and really do not like myself very much.

I think you have to accept what you can’t change. We are never going to stay the same, always getting older every day.

Sorry you are feeling like this. You mention stretching, but what about other exercise or making changes to your diet (for health, I don't mean dieting for weight loss)? Cutting back on hidden sugar and alcohol. Focusing on gut health. Strength based exercise. Do you get outside enough - I find even in the winter, getting outside for a walk vastly improves my mood.

Do you spend time on your appearance (not that you have to, but if 'how you look' is contributing to how you feel about yourself) - a decent haircut, spending time on your skincare, that kind of thing.

Can you try and reframe how you think about getting older - it really is a privilege. I try and give myself a shake when I look in the mirror and see an old person looking back at me and remember the people who were gone far too soon.

Maybe make a list of things you can do to look after your physical and mental health, and choose one thing to focus on each months?

This probably sounds silly, but I was really miserable about my clothes - I felt old and frumpy and had no confidence about what to wear. I started following a few influencer types on Instagram in their 50s who's look I liked and got some great ideas to improve my wardrobe, it's done wonders for my confidence in what I'm wearing.

Hope some of that helps!

@WhatWouldTheDoctorDo Could you share who you are following? I need some inspiration!

I'm not going to give you a lecture about "lifestyle changes", in fact if I hear that once more I think I'll scream. I hear you, it's shit, you're not alone.

Menopause has ruined my life, its shit. I'm on HRT so at least I'm not an anxious panic ridden mess anymore, but the lack of motivation and drive is an absolte killer for me.

I love how people assume anyone suffering has a bad diet and does no exercise. When I started perimenopause I was at the gym 4 times a week and eating healthily, which I continued to do whilst experiencing every symptom known to woman and steadily gaining 3 stone. Some women have it worse than others.

Definitely not. Can I sit with you lot?'

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Can you say what stops you trying hrt?

There are still some myths around some medical conditions (which women think means they can't use it.) For example a lot of women have posted here before saying they have high BP, migraine, family histories, etc, yet these aren't contraindications.

The only absolute reasons are recent breast cancer, heart attack or stroke.

I'm going to echo a PP here and suggest you explore gut health and your gut microbiome. Our guts control everything and if they aren't healthy (and this can be through food or previous medication) our health suffers (mental and emotional health.)

If you want to pursue this, go to https://zoe.com/ There is a huge library of information including some for menopausal women and how changing a diet can help. At its very simplest, it focuses on having 30 different varieties of plants in a week. (Plants can include all fruit, veg, cereals, nuts, coffee , tea, wine and dark chocolate.)

You don't have to sign up for the personalised analysis of your gut, but there are lots of ideas there about food.https://zoe.com/learn

I'm sure you feel very negative and maybe sceptical, but making gradual small changes is the way to go.

I don't think it's always so much an assumption that people have a bad exercise and diet regime, but when you're not able to take HRT, it can be worth looking at what practical day to day changes you can make to see if anything can help. I agree It is shit, really shit, especially the lack of motivation.

OP, my suggestions above helped me, when I was at my lowest, they may or may not be relevant for you.

@Cappuccinfortwo I tried quite a few different ones (mostly found on here tbh), but I think my favourite is wearsmymoney and possibly thesilverkat. They're obviously paid to promote stuff, some of which is £££, but I have got quite a few ideas which has helped me rediscover my wardrobe mojo!

Club forty Claire and rants and big pants would be worth a follow

Maybe wearsmymoney and wardrobe of a midlife crisis too

The lack of motivation was what made me go on HRT. I didn’t want to go anywhere, just getting through every day and looking forward to bed time. I felt that I was wasting the life I’d been given, but had no motivation to change. I absolutely did not want to go on HRT, was scared of breast cancer, but hit a real low and realised I had to do something, not just for me but for my family too. So I’m on one pump, and that just gives me enough to want to do some trips out. I’ve no desire to go on holiday, yet pre covid I was going away 3/4 times a year and enjoying it. Now I wonder where that person went.
I exercise 3 times a week, plus try to do 10,000 steps a day, yet still I gain weight. If I try to diet I’m absolutely starving and grumpy. It’s shit.

Make some room for me please ! (and my vastly expanded arse, thanks menopause) 😁

Looking for a place to whinge, can I sit here too?

I’m only 48, with a young child but the symptoms have been not nice - low motivation, weight stacking on, etc etc.

However, I’ve had a real fright overnight - what we’re menopausey aches and pains have suddenly got MUCH worse and it feels like a bad flare up of arthritis of some kind. Holding my phone to type this is painful. Pouring my cup of coffee was painful. Christ I hope this ends soon. I don’t feel able to drive.

I am someone who pre-child was very outdoorsy and active, it feels terrifying!

Of course @tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz @Threewheeler1 pull up a pew and get a no doubt unhealthy but restorative hot chocolate and grumble away!

I have what I call the staggering tiredness today. Not just usual tiredness, I actually stagger when I move and have to go upstairs on hands and feet.

@DustyLee123 I really recommend you investigate the links to the Zoe 30 plants.

It's not about weight loss, but many women who gain weight have a disrupted gut microbiome. There are medical papers to this (on the science part of the website) but they are quite complicated reading.

All my family have changed their diets to this way of eating and it's not that hard once you get your head round it.

You might also want to increase your gel to 2 pumps. There is no higher risk of BC with HRT doses.

Yes @LittleGlowingOblong the joint pain is sharp sometimes, isn't it?

You need to ask your GP to refer you to a specialist. What you're describing is not normal.

Seen the gynae clinic, lifestyle changes were suggested! To be fair my GP agrees with you but blood tests don't show anything out of the ordinary.

Getting older does not mean you have to succumb to frailty and terrible health. 56 is not by even old age!

There are some illnesses that are cruel and we can't predict. However we can transform our health with the right nutrition and exercise coupled with socialising and plenty of brain activities.

Go back to you Gp ask to have your thyroid checked, ask to have all your vitamin and minerals checked what you are describing is not normal yes it's utter pants and makes you feel horrible but that's beyond normal op.

That happened to me this year, also knee pain and most of all my feet.
After a brief hiccup of the GP saying it was carpal tunnel I got straight onto HRT and I can now use my hands again without pain. Obviously I can’t say for sure that your problem has the same cause, but get yourself checked out. You don’t have to suffer 💐

[ETA: I’m 50]

Its hard isn't it, I've had to come off HRT cause I've had breast cancer. Now on Tamoxifen which has ramped up my hot flushes massively. Worried about further side effects tbh, ie weight loss. Doing daily exercise and taking vit D, C, magnesium and evening primrose oil. Whilst I know I've been extremely lucky, it was an early catch and my lumpectomy got it all, wow do I mourn for my younger body, I'm 48 nearly 49. Dont think there's any easy answers, day at a time, symptom at a time. Having radiotherapy in January.

Agree about kicking back with clothes, exercise, following blogs, I'm going to look up some of those blogs to follow, as even though none of this shit is funny, humour helps massively.

I can’t take HRT.

Im on Venlafaxine for my mental health. I found Mirtazapine a terrible drug.

Oooh, I know that feeling! Actually contemplated the idea of letting myself just fall out of bed this morning, seemed easier than pulling myself up. But then I realised I'd have to get off the floor 😫
Am so bent and hobbly today, feel about as flexible as a mummified cat! 😂

Cats were revered, hence mummification, so we should be too😂

what are your symptoms @Summerhillsquare ?
You say you struggle to go upstairs. Are you in pain? Is it stiffness? Is it exhaustion?
Do you or can you do exercise of any kind where you aren't struggling?

Has your GP done blood tests for rheumatoid arthritis? Have you have X rays for osteoarthritis? If not, you need to go back and push.

Being immobile and struggling to get upstairs in your 40s or early 50s is not normal.