The "cost" of menopause

[Diversion]

I am 56 and officially post menopausal having had 2 years without a period. 12 months before this I experienced dreadful anxiety, auditory and olfactory hallucinations which made me feel like I was losing my mind. I took Mirtazipine for this but stopped taking it because of the side efects (weight gain).I have gained so much weight and have lost all of my confidence and self-esteem and feel like an old woman when before my outlook on life was pretty young. I have aged so much since. The whole experience has been absolutely shit, I feel like I have lost all of myself and cannot find my way back. I cannot take HRT for medical reasons, but take supplements and am doing stretches to help my joints (I have arthritis due to old injuries). I really hate how things have changed and really do not like myself very much.

Solidarity OP!!
I exercise in active cardio type sports up to 3 times a week, 1 hr to 90 minutes at a time, every day min 15000 steps, ( work and dog walk) and I stubbornly can't lose weight. I only said to DH I'll have to overhaul diet, as although I don't eat total rubbish, I will have to look into post menopausal diets rather than eat what I've always had.
I've aged in looks after always being presumed younger than I was.
I have never liked myself in mirrors but avoid looking in them and reflective windows!

Were gonna need more gin 🦈

Well, not meaning to brag but > puffs out saggy chest < I've just enjoyed three, yes three consecutive nights sleep of more than 4 hours before the dreaded peri witching hour insomnia kicks in. For the first time in about 2 weeks.

I know this will change any day so I'm enjoying it while it lasts

I regularly look mummified these days but have none of the grace and elegance of a cat.

I have almost mastered the Couldn't Give Less of a Shit death stare though.

Funnily enough my sleep has improved massively since I bought a wool duvet on ebay. Until it was sub zero temperatures I had the window open with it and I was a steady temperature all night. And yet I am still tired.

Why can't they prescribe reduced work for us?!

@JinglingSpringbells I swim and gym twice a week, walk and garden when weather is ok. I eat my home grown veg, don't drink alcohol or caffeine, morning stretching, meditation etc, all just so I can keep working. By 4pm I'm scunnered. Hrt made me blackly depressed, at least now I can laugh about it as I grumble!

😂😂😂
And yes to the stare, combined with the autopilot 'lights are on but nobody's home' expression for me. Not sure I'd react if a meteor fell at my feet after about 3pm!

That all sounds brilliant. But what's going on about staggering and not being able to get upstairs?

Presumably you tried several types of HRT ( 4 different progestogens) before stopping it?

I still feel you need a really thorough MOT with X rays and blood tests for inflammation if you are really struggling to keep moving.

Checking in. Turned 50 this year and feel like a shadow of myself, despite being on HRT. I am angry and weepy and tired and look ancient/a bit fat. (Just moaning along - I don’t want health advice.)

Just laughing to myself @tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz comment about puffing out saggy chest. My previously amazing perky tits have gone to shit. I have been googling menopause & breast changes this morning. Wishing I were a man.

I had trouble with my feet in the morning, stiff when I got up, and I had to walk sideways down the stairs while gripping on to the handrail. A good quality omega 3 sorted that out.

VitD,vitB12 and magnesium. All three are necessary for bone density and muscle health. Also antihistamines can help with joint pain.
We know that bone metabolism is tied in with hormones. Exercise and supplements that help bone metabolism are probably a good idea.
Our 50s are often fraught with life changing events and the stress related to them. It is no surprise that we struggle with mental health at this stage of life. HRT can help but it doesn’t prevent the aging process.
I am 60 next year, I now look at the positives. After being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2021 I am still here and so far NED. I have managed to raised DS to adulthood. I have retired, slightly early, but continue to work part time, an achievement in itself after cancer treatment.
I have no answer to your problem. We all deal with it differently but I am far happier now I have embraced aging. I live at a different pace, I no longer worry that I look old, I am old. I’m no longer willing to waste time and money chasing the dream of eternal youth, that ship has sailed.
HRT is off limits, I’m taking hormone blockers which cause an extreme post menopause but the side effects are bizarrely reassuring that the drugs are working and hopefully preventing the cancer from returning any time soon.
I no longer suffer the rollercoaster mood swings, the hot flushes are fading away. Reassuringly the extreme joint and muscle pain will disappear when I stop taking the drugs in 3yrs so I have that to look forward to.
There does appear to be a transition period ( a bit like the puberty years) where you learn to adjust to the new “no hormone” self.
Life is going to change but not necessarily for the worst. The current menopause mania is fuelling a great deal of anxiety in middle aged women. It’s not the end, many of us will live another 20-30yrs post menopause. No amount of HRT is going to stop the aging process and frankly relying on a bit of gel or a patch to maintain your body is a bit ridiculous. Embrace change and work out your own plan.
I was set to take HRT for life but that backfired on me. I now realise that it didn’t actually make a great deal of difference.

I had really bad pains in my joints when I was going through menopause (that's how I got diagnosed) but post menopause they are gone. Hope it's only brief for you too.

I lost two female relatives in their early 50’s. I’ve always wondered if the loss of hormones contributed to their reduced ability to fight the problem they died of, that’s one of the reasons I was really torn over taking HRT.

and frankly relying on a bit of gel or a patch to maintain your body is a bit ridiculous

I take offence at this. Just because you haven’t had major issues with menopause doesn’t mean nobody else has them. And yes I’m also a cancer survivor. It doesn’t mean that I’m happy just to be alive even though I couldn’t walk properly (or even stand at times) or use my hands. You can think I’m as ridiculous as you like.

Whether HRT or not (no opinion there, I used it for a couple of the worst years), I think one of the vital things you can do is Weights and Resistance training. I know it sounds awful when you have no energy but I do something like that twice a week and I think it’s helped me to not lose, and even to build, a bit of muscle. I am a (slow) runner and used to do triathlons (that’s me at the back) and really noticed the lack of oomph post menopause. But I’m damned if I’m going to end up stick thin and breaking bones. I try to focus on upper body so it works my arms, shoulders and upper spine, I do a bit with legs and squats but running and walking will largely take care of hips and pelvis. Also more and more science is finding muscles are important metabolically - they absorb blood sugar and help prevent insulin resistance. The saying goes, you don’t burn fat, you build muscle (which will do it for you). So even if you don’t think of yourself that way, do something with weights! Just think of being able to lift up your grandchildren when you’re older - or compete in something challenging, whatever you like!

Absolutely! Bloody hell.

I think those who berate other women for taking HRT should perhaps take a look on the NHS symptom checker and thank their lucky stars that they are not suffering from all those symptoms.

Please can I join in? It’s shit. I’ve been on HRT for a few years now. I have private treatment so I have my dose reviewed and tweaked regularly but even so for me low mood and apathy are by the far the worst symptoms. Currently my oestrogen is low so trying to oomph that up and GP has mentioned testosterone but a bit reluctant to add that into the mix. I try and push myself to exercise, eat well but it’s not easy to care about this stuff when you’ve completely lost your mojo. I’m getting a medichecks blood test next week as GP
keeps telling me my bloods and thyroid are all fine and within range but I’m not so sure. It’s taken me ages to get motivated sufficiently to even book this! 🙈 Thanks for posting OP. It helps not to feel quite so alone in feeling this way.

I’ve been fortunate in my 50’s compared to with how I felt from around 46-50.
What seems to work for me is absolutely no caffeine (I quit caffeine and decaf drinks almost 5 years ago). Now I have no anxiety and a nice stable mood.
I eat so much fruit and veg, sometimes more than 16 types (not portions) per day. I find eating such a rainbow diet doesn’t leave a lot of room for junk.
No sodas, I gave up my evening diet fanta and can’t believe the difference it makes to my sugar cravings.
I eat relatively low carb.
I try and see at least one friend a week and carve out me time, I love my own company.

and frankly relying on a bit of gel or a patch to maintain your body is a bit ridiculous

Taking the emotion and judgement out of this (and I'm very sorry to hear of anyone who's had a serious illness), the medical papers/ research show that women who use HRT have longer lives and a better quality of life than women who don't. This stat is from a series of research papers produced internationally.

It may of course not be just down to HRT. There could be an element of women on HRT being more health aware, having more check ups, but at the same time also reducing their risk of osteoporosis, heart disease and diabetes, which is an established fact.

Clinical trials for the use of HRT for chronic menopause symptoms started in the 1990s. Many of these trials will have included women who are now in their 80s and 90s. Some would argue that the data is not particularly useful since the hormones used back then were not body identical. This also means that the current forms of HRT have not been around long enough to see how well they benefit aging women.
The only studies that I tend to consider are those that follow a population of aging women, so 30 yrs of data with a large sample. Of course there are too many variables associated with this sort of study.
I did a fair bit of research into Louise Newson, I was considering going to see her when I was taking HRT. Two things stopped me, firstly she had only been specialising for 12 mnths and didn’t have a robust background in endocrinology. Secondly she was very focused on HRT rather than women’s health in general. I had a long history of endometriosis and have pituitary problems so was not confident that she would have the necessary background I needed.
I have a number of friends who see her, what worries me is the massive doses she is happy to prescribe. If HRT is not working she increases the dose to levels not studied by the research available.

Thanks for that very sensible post @Angrymum22 . Women who take HRT may live longer because if they had underlying conditions like high blood pressure etc they would not have been prescribed HRT.

And @TheBeatles and @Movinghouseatlast - @Angrymum22 didn't say she didn't have menopause symptoms, she just can't take HRT because she's had breast cancer. How about you read people's posts properly before taking a pop?

Thanks @TheBeatles

I’ve been on HRT for about 14 weeks, but took a break (thrush, sore boobs) but then felt so anhedonic and low that I went back on again. I hope playing silly buggers with my patches hasn’t provoked this. A total wake-up call - I hope I get a second chance to clean up my diet and habits. I feel about 70 - and I’m 48. :-( I hope I’m the same as you, and going (back on) the patches sorts it.

@Summerhillsquare this feels categorically different, but yes. Walking up stairs one step at a time…

If you’d read MY post properly then it would be clear that I was aware of this.

I reserve the right to respond to other people’s sweeping statements.

Honestly, I’m mystified as to why other people are so passionate about individual women’s personal choices. From my surname to my choice to have children, and now to HRT, it never seems to stop. Well, crack on I suppose 🤷‍♀️